Gentlemen, if ever wondered why a crying woman was such a turn off, other than the fact that she was an emotional mess, scientists have found the chemical evidence. Their tears can re-holster your penis. Holy crap.
Tears of sadness may temporarily lower his testosterone level. Those tears send a chemical signal as the man gets close enough to sniff them _ even though there’s no discernible odor, say researchers from Israel’s Weizmann Institute of Science.
Goodness! Why wasn’t THIS noted in the signs of the apocalypse? But I must have immunity to this “icing of the balls” technique because I seem to get more aroused by a girl who is crying because “her boyfriend is an asshole”. Lucky old me.
But seriously, the article is wild. Evolution is amazing.
89 wins in a row would be impressive if I was beating up on a blind, armless man in a game of darts. This is even more impressive.
The No. 1-ranked Huskies women’s basketball team topped the 88-game winning streak set by John Wooden’s UCLA men’s team from 1971-74, beating Florida State 93-62 on Tuesday night.
That’s ludicrous. For 89 games (and counting) they never had an off night bad enough to put them on the losing end, they were never flustered by an away crowd trying to steal their confidence, and they never looked past any opponent. Say what you want about the legitimacy of the record and the quality of their opponents, 89 wins in a row in a Division 1 college sport is one of the most WTF things I could ever think of. Whatever number they do end up at when the streak ends you can be quite sure that you might not see this happen again in your lifetime.
In case you haven’t realized it already. Men are way more emotional than they pretend to be. Men just internalize their sobs and their “poor-me’s”. Case in point.
A study of over 1,500 British men has found that one in three would dump a partner, who kissed a girl ‘for fun’, whilst two fifths would be ‘angry’.
I also predict that all the men that would dump their girlfriend for kissing another girl have already cheated on their girlfriend and this would be their way of avoiding blame for when the relationship inevitably explodes at some point.
The reason for breaking up with their partner over kissing a girl was listed as not being able to trust their girlfriend again and becoming confused over her sexual orientation.
Wait, were they interviewing 4th graders? Are men really this stupid? The important factor to note here is that if the woman got pleasure out of the kiss, then a of course a man should be able to have sex with another girl to make things even. It’s only fair, because he can’t go kiss another man and get pleasure from it so the next logical progression would be to have sex with another woman.
But if she was just doing it for fun, fellas relaaaax. Everyone knows that women are aesthetically way hotter than men so heterosexual, bi-sexual or lesbian aside, kissing a girl isn’t a shitty deal in the name of fun.
I know I know. I wouldn't want you to miss your wave of invincibility
For years men have called bullshit on the fact that women get to have multiple orgasms whenever they can reach the summit of bliss while men have to do everything in their power to hold back the one orgasm they get in any particular situation. And now it looks like women get superpowers when they cum.
Researchers also found that waves of pleasure are so strong the nervous system starts to shut down. This makes women less aware of pain.
This statement is like, “If a tree falls in the forest…” because women can’t orgasm unless they’re completely pain free, laying on a bed of titunias in a 72 degree room with 56% humidity, 7 candles burning of various scents (but never cinnamon), John Legend playing, and a shooting star passing overhead (airplanes in the night sky won’t do). Well, that or drunk in a bar bathroom but in either case, she is never unduring pain while orgasming for the 5 seconds she does. It’s like saying, for 5 seconds when I cum, my analytical brain is on par with the best chess masters in the world. Too bad chess takes hours and Gary Kasparov might not have the patience to wait for to climax before every move.
What am I talking about? Who knows. I’m just jealous of women and the orgasms they get to have. Leave me alone.
See, herein lies the rub. I know men are from Mars. We’re fucked up and we make decisions like we were Martians sometimes. But come on ladies! You know that our Vas Deferens gets clogged if we don’t have sex and that can kill us! Your decisions could kill us.
About half of women say they would rather go without sex for the summer than gain 10 pounds.
A man would never ever make such a ridiuclous statement. A man would rather take an ice pick to his ey-
A fourth of men feel the same way.
Hold on, what? Oh I get it, these merry few, these Band of Fourths must be the guys who aren’t having much sex to begin with due to their overweight and unconfident status. The prospect of gaining 10 pounds would just put them exponentially further away from actually having sex. Henceforth and heretofore, foregoing sex is both an already realized reality and a tactical decision. If you weren’t having sex in the first place, why would you choose to gain 10 pounds?? It’s quite brilliant actually.
Phew, glad I figured that riddle out.
Three-quarters of both men and women would have been willing to give up something — such as watching TV, shopping, using a cellphone or computer for the summer — for a flat tummy.
That’s right. 3 out of 4 people would be willing to have something magical happen to them to lose weight, but are clearly unwilling to be an active part of the laws of thermodynamics. You can give up TV this summer and lose weight. Turn it off and go for a run for goddsake!
What could possibly stress you out more than your boss? Bills? Your sport’s team? Call of Duty? Jersey Shore? Nope, think again.
Spouses are a bigger source of stress than bosses, research shows. There may be no place like home, but if you want to relax then you might be better off at work, according to the survey.
Which is why we have a bunch of people that camp out at work looking like they are doing work but in reality are so miserable that they don’t want to go home. Well, leave us single people out of your despair. It’s 5:00PM and I’m going home to enjoy my life, you can stick around and look busy till 8:00PM.
The poll of 3,000 men and women also found that husbands are more likely to send their wives’ blood pressure soaring than the other way round.
Is that really a surprise? Women are a chemical reaction waiting to explode at all times. I mean, why would I want to do the dishes?
I’m all for diversity in the world. Cultural nuances are what make life, travel and coinhabitation interesting and educational! But some things are just ridiculous and it’s time for some cultures to jump the civil and humanitarian chasm that separates them from the rest of the world. For instance,
In Saudi Arabia clerics have issued a fatwa suggesting women breast feed unrelated men they have regular contact with so that the men can be considered relatives. The strict Wahhabi version of Islam that governs modern Saudi Arabia forbids women from mixing with men who are not relatives. By breastfeeding a man a woman becomes related to the man, and is then free to interact with that man unencumbered by the strict segregation of the sexes imposed by the Wahhabi version of Islam.
“Modern” Saudi Arabia. Yeah, because it’s so progressive. I have an idea, why don’t you relax a bit on the strict Wahhabi law and just allow women to mingle and chat with other men without having to breast feed them. I mean, a loophole is one thing, but if you have to get around a law by having grown men drink the breast milk of women so that they can have a conversation, then it’s time for an amendment to that law.
Clerics are unable to agree whether or not the man must take the milk directly from the breast, or if it is acceptable for the man to drink pumped breast milk from a cup.
Oh for fuck’s sake! Here’s a better idea, why don’t you not worry about the symantics of legal breast milk for a minute and focus on letting your women vote, drive, or travel out of the country if they wanted to? If you’re really trying to leave the middle ages behind you, try coming all the way up to the 21st century instead of dabbling a toe in the “End of the Middle Ages + 1 day”.
Oh brother, bear down the hatches. The rivets holding down society’s sanity are coming undone. In case you read the title as “Management Rings”, look again.
Picture this: A sunny Saturday afternoon. You’re relaxing in a deck lounger, admiring your collection of floating man-toys anchored out on the river. Your girlfriend comes out of the cottage with a couple of beers. Sweet. Without warning, she drops to one knee, whips out a jeweller’s box, looks you in the eye and says, “Will you marry me?” Stunned, you open the box and there it is: The mangagement ring.
And that’s when you turn and run like Ewan McGregor at the beginning of Trainspotting. Choose life. Choose death. Choose anything but being proposed to by a girl in public.
Ladies, if the guy hasn’t proposed to you yet it means he’s still weighing the options of random ass vs. one ass and you trying to give him a man-gagement ring isn’t going to gently nudge him in the direction you’re hoping for.
He knows how you won’t let anything die. He knows how you’ll hang this over his head for the rest of his life. He can see it now, at cocktail parties you saying, “He was taking too long and I was getting impatient so I had to propose to him!! My silly little monkey! … Now go get me some more champagne darling.”
He doesn’t want that scenario. And he also doesn’t want to have this conversation with his last hoorah before the wedding.
Last Hoorah: Wait, you’re married?
Him: No, no no. I’m getting married next week.
Last Hoorah: (Pointing to ring on his finger.) Well, what is that?
Him: Oh this? It’s nothing. It’s just an engagement ring my fiance gave me. She actually proposed to me.
Last Hoorah: You fag. (She leaves. Door slams.)
Ladies, just be patient. You have the rest of our marriage to run our lives, tell us what clothes to wear, take subtle jabs at us, cry when we take ours, always have the last word, and turn down sex because we rolled our eyes at something you said. Let us decide when we propose to a life of that, ok?
Males and females are categorically different for a reason. Chemically (men are more stable), physically (women are WAY more attractive), and logically (hehe). It’s been that way since life decided to add sexual reproduction into the mix. Can’t we just agree that we are different because it gives us the best chance at survival? Of course not.
Researchers in Germany sprayed oxytocin in the noses of 24 men and then showed them emotionally charged images of a crying child, a girl hugging her cat and a grieving man. The empathy expressed by the men who had been sprayed with oxytocin was so high it was on a par with what would normally be expected of women.
And inhaling nerve gas kills you, so you shouldn’t do that either. Seriously, this is just what we need; an entire population speaking in high pitched drawn out tones (like every girl did when they saw the photo above) and making decisions based on how cute something is. Brilliant.
Oxytocin has been called the cuddle hormone or the trust hormone as it is released at orgasm.
We’re talking RIGHT at orgasm right? Because in a guy, that hormone is quickly overpowered 2 seconds later by the, “Ok, seriously if you’re not going to leave, can you at least scoot over? I can’t fall asleep when my body is touching someone else. Thanks.”
I swear I don’t look for these stories, they find me. Once again “researchers” have cracked the golden egg of information, except in reality, they didn’t. Their researchis the equivalent of me writing a book in 2010 explaining that the earth revolved around the sun, not the other way.
Given a choice, men prefer “hooking up” to dating, while women prefer dating with the prospect of a relationshipto causal sex, U.S. researchers said.
“Researcher” is basically a word used in 1st world countries to describe how bored we are as a society. Is this whole what men/women want STILL being discussed? What is the deal? Who is doubting this and asking for further research?
Scientist #1: Sir, it’s confirmed. Everytime I throw this ball in the air, it comes straight back down.
Scientitst #2: Hmmmm. I don’t know if I can buy that. Keep running the tests for another 1,000 years and let’s see what the results are.
The study, published in the journal Sex Roles, found women seemed to want a relationship more than men, but women fear, whether dating or in hooking up, they will become emotionally attached to a partner not interested in them. The study also found men seemed to value independence and they feared that even in hooking up, a woman might want to have a relationship.
Gasp! No way! Shocking. Can we move on now to more important research like figuring out if obese people will die of heart related illnesses sooner than healthy people?
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