by Commodore on December 9, 2010
Can't we just drink, already?
Pennsylvania is the home of Philadelphia. Philly is quite important in the history of this country, but Pennsylvania is filled with a lot of other cities that are home to some nut jobs. Nut jobs who thought this was a good idea.
For instance, it’s illegal to sell alcohol in grocery stores in Pennsylvania, but it’s not illegal to install a vending machine that dispenses wine: as long as the user is asked to take a breathalyzer test, swipe their state issued ID or Driver License, and then show their mug to a state official sitting somewhere in Harrisburg, who is keeping an eye on the proceedings via CCTV.
Huh? So it’s legal to have an open container in a grocery store too? Am I supposed to be drinking the wine in the store or am I bringing in some sort of container + cork deal? I don’t even know what the legal limit is but wouldn’t one glass of wine put you over it?
A friend told me that you can practically buy a gun in PA if you have money and a a hand to hold the thing as you walk out of the store. PA? Oy vey!
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by Commodore on October 9, 2010
THIS is being chased by an elephant
Depending on how you look at it, Walmart is either the model corporate citizen of the new millennium, with it’s drive for organic products and it’s desire to only work with environmentally responsible vendors, or you’re the small shop owner, and Walmart is the rich kid who shows up in your neighborhood and steals all your women. Either way, they got some ’splainin to do.
A children’s book written by the wife of anti-gay Standard of Liberty president Stephen Graham is being carried by over 100 Walmart stores. Chased by an Elephant, the Gospel Truth about Today’s Stampeding Sexuality by Janice Barrett Graham was written to “help shed the clear light of truth on today’s dark and tangled ideas about male and female, proper gender roles, the law of chastity, and the God-given sexual appetite,” according to Janice Graham in the book’s introduction.
Yaaaaaaawwwwwwwwn. Seriously Janice? You’re still picking this bone? As soon as online porn became free, your fight became futile, I’m sorry. It’s like the time a samurai warrior, in love with his katano blade, explained to people that his weapon was the only true weapon of war. And then this warrior got gunned down by a Gatling gun.
The Grahams claim that their son, Andrew, successfully changed his sexual orientation and is now a happily married man.
Successfully changed. Like he was a Marvel Comic character going through a mutation. Janice, if you’re son is happily married, then that means he is happy. Shouldn’t that tell you enough? Shouldn’t that be enough for a mother to have her son find someone that makes him happy?
The book’s introduction says Andrew’s “story ends happily with his subsequent deliverance and healing through family support, expert professional counseling, truth, and repentance through the Atonement of Jesus Christ. Included is a lengthy introduction by expert on overcoming homosexuality.”
Of course it all comes back to the Bible and the Atonement of Jesus Christ. People are still fighting this anti-homosexual fight because of a few sentences written by a couple of dudes who scientifically couldn’t possibly understand things like genetics and hormonal influences, and who logically (at the time) thought that if you were any different from the status quo, it was assumed that the gods didn’t like you, and so, you were an outcast.
Well it’s not 2000 years ago anymore. Come on Mr. and Mrs Graham, society can advance much faster if you would stop being dead bigoted weight on the “Progress” rope we as humanity are trying to inch forward.
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by Commodore on September 2, 2009
Holy cow!
You know those times when you see a photo of a guy who looks really mean, only to find out that he is the kindest soul in in the world? This is not one of those times. That guy up there is as mean as he looks. If the Devil, a black rhino, Russell Crowe, a wolverine, and Kirstie Alley’s appetite were to reproduce, they would make this guy.
Sonya Mathews, the mother of the 2-year-old child, told police that both were walking in the aisles of the Rockbridge Road store when Roger Stephens, 61, approached and said “if you don’t shut that baby up, I will shut her up for you,” according to a police report. A few moments later, in another aisle, Stephens grabbed the 2-year-old and slapped her across the face four or five times, according to the report. Stephens then told Mathews, “See, I told you I would shut her up,” according to the report.
Look at him! This guy is to kindness as Truman Capote’s voice is to baritone. The Grim Reaper himself just tweeted: “Tht guy is a mean mthrfkr!”
A bystander held Stephens until store security came to assist, according to a WSB-TV report.
What? A bystander?! The meanest looking man on earth just slapped a 2-year-old kid in the face 5 times and he let himself be “held” by a bystander. Did this bystander happen to be a reticulated python? Did King Leonidas happen to be at Wal-Mart that day? Was this bystander “The Human Whisperer”?! WTF!
Either way, Roger Stephens, you’re a piece of shit. And Mr. Bystander, who or whatever you are, well done.
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by Commodore on July 13, 2009
Relax!
I am quite certain that the boys in the late 18th century trying to carve this nation’s foundation with their own bare hands, would never dream that the 2nd Amendment would look like this one day.
A 37-year-old woman, Teresa Nadine Dumdie, was arrested after the Clallam County Sheriff’s Department said she threatened several people with a handgun in the Wal-Mart parking lot. She had argued with customers in the store after they had asked her to stop cursing and yelling at an employee for selling her the wrong ammunition.
Well I guess that’s one way to handle it. Kind of reminds me about the time I was hitting on this one girl all night and really thought I was in like Flynn (what does that even mean?) until she said that she just wanted to go to bed at the end of the night…So I had sex with her younger (legal) sister instead even though everyone told me that that would be classless!
Boom! When someone’s looking to fire off a few rounds, don’t mess with their ammunition! I feel you Teresa! Stay classy.
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by Big Lou Al Timber on June 22, 2009
Got this new piece at Walmart son!
Tell me this sentence doesn’t make you feel a little uneasy:
“When people on the government’s terrorist watch list have tried to buy guns or explosives in recent years, the government has let them the vast majority of the time.”
What the fuck? Can somebody please enlighten me as to why a “potential terrorist” would be allowed to buy firearms in our own country? Call me naive, but I fail to see the intelligence behind that.
“”Under current law, there is no basis to automatically prohibit a person from possessing firearms or explosives because they appear on the terrorist watch list,” wrote the GAO’s director of homeland security and justice issues, Eileen R.”
I’m sorry…what? Eileen R, say that sentence to me again and this time look me in the eyes and keep a straight face. Try it, I dare you. “No basis to automatically prohibit a person from possessing firearms or explosives because they appear on the terrorist watch list.”
Fucking what? NO BASIS!?! THIS has no basis, remember that kid? That 8 year old boy wasn’t allowed to board a flight, yet he doesn’t know the meaning of ‘terrorist’. THAT Eileen doesn’t have an ounce of basis.
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by Commodore on June 16, 2009
Easy, Lorraine.
(Note: That’s supposed to be sung to the tune of Van Halen’s Panama)
Forget Mexico! Can we build a wall on the Florida border? It’s sad that this these few, these band of idiots (barring the nice stewardess I met on a layover once, 5 years back) decide every election we have.
According to a report, Lorraine Drawe, 44, was having her vehicle serviced and began to consume a beer in the waiting room of the service area. She was advised by an employee of Wal-Mart that she could not drink in the store. Drawe became irate, yelled profanities and ripped a telephone from the wall.
Well that seems sensible. Then again, any equation with the variables: Florida, car service at Wal-Mart, and beer is bound to lead to an irriational number. (Nice one, I know.) It is good to know that this woman has a solid support group down in the Sunshine State, though.
Drawe’s husband, Michael Drawe, was contacted but would not respond to care for her because he said she had a drinking problem.
Ah ha. I’m sure she learned her lesson of responsibility on her trip to the station and subsequent booking, right?
While enroute to the jail, she kicked out the rear passenger side window of the patrol vehicle. The subject then made several attempts to spit on the officer through the safety cage that separates the front and rear compartments of the patrol vehicle.
Don’t worry Lorraine, I don’t think the cops are ever really strict about that “anything you say or do can be used against you in a court of law” thing. Water under the bridge, I’m sure.
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by Commodore on March 4, 2009
Maybe they were this guy's teeth? (Yes, I get the chills looking at this too.)
Not a tooth. Teeth. 10 of them. In a brand new wallet. How on earth does this happen?! 1 tooth, maybe. But 10 of them? Where does one even GET 10 detached teeth? I’m so intrigued. I know that WalMart sells things that are physically put together in as few steps possible to keep the thing from falling apart in your hands on your way to the checkout counter, but no one should ever find 10 human teeth in anything they buy unless they were buying a human skull.
Police said the man found the teeth Saturday when he unzipped a compartment in the wallet. One tooth had a filling.
Really? Does knowing that one tooth had a filling in it change the shock value of this story, whatsoever? Now if you told me that 6 of the teeth were human molars, 3 of the teeth were from a Gila Monster and one of the teeth was the incisor from a Saber-toothed tiger that actually had a filling, then yes, do give me that information. Otherwise, 10 fucking teeth found in a brand new wallet is enough.
The customer turned the wallet and the teeth over to employees but left the store without giving his name.
Because he just found 10 teeth in the wallet he was about to buy. He doesn’t want to talk to any of you sons of bitches at that store ever again. He is in a curled up ball on the couch sucking his thumb now.
A Walmart spokeswoman said the company believes it was an “isolated incident,” but will investigate.
You believe? No shit. Thank you, Walmart spokeswoman. You just failed PR 101. Would there be a logical situation where you thought this WOULDN’T be an isolated incident? Are you making wallets while excavating African killing fields? Are people sitting in exhumed coffins while putting my plastic piece of shit wallet together? WTF.
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