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Viagra

More Sex = More STD’s. Weird.

by Commodore on July 7, 2010

It's elementary

Let’s see here…If I didn’t rock climb all that much and then suddenly decided to rock climb 3 times as much, would it be safe to say that my chances of getting injured while rock climbing would increas 3-fold?  Would you need research to figure that out?  Never underestimate those who submit for grant money.

Middle-aged and older men who take erectile dysfunction drugs such as Viagra are more likely to have sexually transmitted diseases, a new study of more than 1.4 million men finds. Researchers at Massachusetts General Hospital and the University of Southern California say the fault lies not with the drugs but rather the high risk behaviors of the men who request them. And doctors should counsel these patients about safe sex practices, they said.

There’s no way that you needed a bi-coastal study to come to this conclusion.  What, 8 hours a day wasn’t enough?  You needed the blanket of an 11-12 hour day to crack this one?  I’m surprised that the University of Singapore didn’t join in on this study so that the sun wouldn’t have to set on this scientific leap of a  study.

Yes, people who have more sex are at higher risks of experiencing the negative by-products of having more sex.  Isnt’ that a variation of Newton’s 3rd law of Motion?

Jena and his co-authors examined health insurance claims records covering 1997 though 2006 from 44 large U.S. employers. The study group included about 34,000 male beneficiaries over 40 who used ED drugs, for whom the researchers collected data covering one year before and one year after the first prescription was filled, and nearly 1.37 million men over 40 who were non-users, for whom claims data was also collected. Men who had been prescribed an ED drug were two to three times more likely than non-users to have sexually transmitted diseases.

9 years of data and 1.4 million men, all to come to a “No Shit!” conclusion.  Brilliant.

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Or Just Open Your Eyes

by Commodore on March 10, 2010

Since the dawn of man

Since the dawn of man

At what point does a study become a brown paper bag of redundancy left burning on someone’s doorstep?  I mean, if I told you, “Recent studies show that eating a live grenade could be harmful” or “Human fecal matter that sits out of water has a formidable scent”, you would (hopefully) roll your eyes and think, “Gee, who didn’t know that?”  Well this study is kind of like that.

A study published Tuesday in the British Medical Journal found that the sex lives of men tend to significantly outlast those of women.

Yes.  Men are horn balls that would hump a brick wall if it got them off.  This is as redundant as seasons.  We don’t get surprised every Spring when leaves start populating trees again, so why the hell is this surprising?

“Men have more interest in sex and seem to be happier with the quality of their sexual activity, and the gender gap only widened with age,” said lead researcher Stacy Tessler Lindau, an associate professor of obstetrics and gynecology.  Men tend to have younger partners, said the study.

Hmmm?  What was that?  You were still talking?  I’m sorry, I was a little light headed from all this Viagra-filled sex with beautiful Eastern European prostitutes I was having.  Look people, the men who are old today grew up in an age where they were the main bread winners, so they have a ton of money.  Women like money.  Younger women LOVE money.  And even an old man’s sexual buttons is an Atari controller compared to the Apollo 11 lunar landing control panel that a (very) older woman’s sex drive must be. 

It’s the path of least resistance.  It’s been studied and known for millenia.  Can we move on?  WTF!

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These Girls Should Be Arrested For Murder

by Commodore on March 1, 2009

I'm pretty sure Viagra does something to these body parts

I'm pretty sure Viagra does something to at least one these body parts

Apparently, these Russian chicks thought it was funny to offer themselves up for $4,500 to a defenseless mechanic, who scientifically has no control over objectifying women (Reminder), if he could keep them both satisfied for 12 hours.  I don’t think it’s funny.  I think it is criminal.

Normally, a man wouldn’t turn down this bet even if it was a gentleman’s bet.  Men of course think that they could literally fuck every chick in the world, if only they had the time.  We would take the bet, sure that we would bang these chicks all night long in a hot sweaty mess, leaving them in a pile of Nirvana.

Of course we would cum once, MAYBE twice, feel bored with the chicks in no time (no matter how hot they were) and go to sleep not caring that we lost the bet because after all, “I just fucked you both and that’s all that really matters in the long run.”

Offering him up $4,500 for this task now raises the ante…

A SEX-MAD Russian guzzled a bottle of Viagra pills to keep him going for a 12-hour orgy with two women pals.

“SEX-MAD”?  He was a man.  Doesn’t sex-mad go without saying?  Wouldn’t the word “opportunistic” work better here?

But minutes after winning the wager, the randy 28-year-old dropped dead with a heart attack.

MINUTES after winning the wager???  He fucking did it????  HOLY SHIT!  His heart stuck around for as long as he needed it to.  Kind of like a husband who dies shortly after his grieving wife passes.

Do you know how long 12 hours is?  I couldn’t do anything for 12 straight hours!  My body gets tired from being awake and alert for 12 straight hours, let alone thrusting my penis into and out of 2 girls for half a day.  This guy should have a statue erected (no pun intended) and these 2 murderous whores should be locked up.

They better have given the $4,500 to his family.  That’s the least they could do for this hero.

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