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You Feel Naked?

by Big Lou Al Timber on August 7, 2009

seriously

seriously

I’m so angry right now.  I’m so fucking mad I just read this bullshit that I feel like ripping my shirt off ala Hulk Hogan and running through a damn wall. 

“Christina Cimino was logging onto Twitter on Thursday morning when something happened that she found deeply unsettling.’I got some weird error message, and I’m like, ‘What’s going on!?’ the 24-year-old said.“

OH MY GOD!!  CHICKEN LITTLE THE SKY IS FUCKING FALLING!

“But for people like Cimino, who said she “felt naked” without access to Twitter, the attacks were a serious reality check.”

“She added: “I was pretty upset, actually. It feels like a lifeline for me … Pretty much everyone knows almost every detail of my life by what I’m doing on Twitter.”

Really?  YOU CANNOT BE SERIOUS.  “Near panic?”  Are you out of your damn minds!?!

Let me jot down a few examples of the types of occurances that might cause true ‘near panic.’

* A suicide bomber stepping into the starbucks you’re sitting in and ripping the pin out of his grenade.

* Being 5 months pregnant and waking up in a pool of blood.

* Getting a phone call from your son telling you he’s being held hostage in the jungle in Colombia and this is his last phone call.

* ESPN finding out Albert Pujols actually DID take steriods for the past 7 years.

Those, my friends, might cause near panic.  Waking up to realize you can’t fucking “TWIT” your friends?  Absolutely NOT.  Pick up the goddamn phone you fucking punk.  Write an email like a normal human being!

I am getting an ulcer just thinking about this, I’m panicing now.

WTF!

(oh, and follow us on twitter: www.twitter.com/browtf)

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Because I Have Nothing Better To Do…

by Big Lou Al Timber on July 17, 2009

You just died to me, you're dead

You just died to me, you're dead

Sarah Palin is “ready to be unleashed.”

I know, you’re thinking the same thing I’m thinking…she’s doing porn and I can’t fucking wait!!  No more of this fake shit, we get to see the REAL Palin bush!

Nope.  Not so much.  Insteeeeaaad, Sarah Palin has joined Twitter and is going to sound off with “less politically correct” twits(?).  Are you serious. 

“The Alaska governor, who is set to resign her post at the end of this month, took to the social networking site Twitter Friday to proclaim she’s looking forward to being a little less restrained. ‘10 dys til less politically correct twitters fly frm my fingertps outside State site,’ Palin declared.”

Oh, fucking wonderful!  That’s great Sarah.  Glad your bear-hunting ass is going to start being less politically correct.  Glad you’re approaching your future in a really mature fucking manner. 

I swear to God YOU, whoever YOU are, the ONE FUCKING PERSON that signs up to follow Sarah Palin on twitter, I will steal your bicycle and throw it in a river if I ever find you.  I’ll fucking smash your head with a muffin pan if I ever figure out who you are. 

WTF!

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WTF Is BROWTF Doing On Twitter?

by Commodore on June 8, 2009

I don’t know either.  But we’re there.  Follow us on www.twitter.com/browtf and see the quick link in the column on the right.  Now we can all share our WTF’dness on the fly.  Kind of like when you are on the bus on the way home and all of a sudden you think to yourself: WTF does Jennifer Aniston say/do when she’s channel surfing and comes across Mr. and Mrs. Smith on FX?

Savvy?  That’s why we tweet.  To share shit like that.  Please share your nonsense too.

Obliged.  And because you’ve been so great…here’s a hot chick

hi

hi

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Enough with the Status Updates Already!

by Commodore on March 23, 2009

Just like your life.

Just like your life.

Ok people.  This Twitter and “Facebook status” nonsense HAS to stop.  Nobody gives a rat’s ass what you are doing right now, honestly.  I don’t need to login to Facebook to see that someone is “taking a shit with the door open right now.”  That information doesn’t need to be shared under any circumstance.  Ever.

How did it get to this?  Are all of you imbeciles that needy that you have to tell the world about your every waking movement?  Because let’s be honest, the only reason you even tweet or update your Facebook status is in the the hopes that people will comment on what you are doing so your heap of insecurity can feel that someone gives a shit about you.  And when nobody does, you update your status 30 minutes later with some cool, clever, ambiguous statement like “3 Days To Go!” begging someone, somewhere to write you, “3 days till what?” 

News flash: Nobody gives a shit what happens in 3 days. The only people that do write a comment are the same people that hope you comment on their status updates so their meaningless lives can feel even more 1 dimensional.  It’s a feedback loop of retarded proportions.

So enough with the updates, ok?  Just think to yourself before you post an update, “Does anyone on God’s green earth CARE about the information I’m going to type.”  And unless you are kidnapped and you need to relay your location, I’m guessing no.

Do something constructive with your life.  Stop with the status.  Stop commenting on people’s idiotic updates.  Stop sucking.    Stop pissing me off.

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