by Big Lou Al Timber on September 10, 2009
Short hair = Success!
So check this out, I’ve definitely answered age-old question of, “How do we make bitches powerful?” With a little help from Time Magazine…
Go ahead, click through the 50 beautiful, rich-as-all-hell, faces:
Are they all white? Nope.
Are they all skinny? Nope.
Are they all straight? hmmmm.
DO THEY ALL HAVE BUTCH HAIR CUTS? HELL YES.
Look at them? It’s like a fucking college softball convention. I’ve got longer hair on my taint! Number 17 takes the cake, or should I say, the strap-on. Good lord Heidi. I think we need to stop concerning ourselves with Lady Gaga and the dude that sprints for South Africa, and worry more about Heidi re-calibrating a HEMI and driving right up our male asses.
To be fair, I’d bang a few, even if that meant giving a reach around here and there. Like Number 20, I don’t care if she’s 3 times my age. Number 34, decent. Numbers 39, 44, 47, and 49, YUP. And of course my main squeeze Oprah – I’d do her just to get lost in her jelly.
But all that’s neither here nor there. The important thing is when I finally have a little girl I’m going to shave her head every year, name her Jack, and force her to go to college. Billions of dollars here I come!
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by Big Lou Al Timber on May 27, 2009
You sir, you are healthy.
You’d think TIME magazine would be better than this. You’d think Kathleen Kingsbury would have developed a sense of skepticism inherent in all formidable journalists. Apparently not.
“One study of about 6,850 former pro players conducted in 1994 by the National Institute for Occupational Safety and Health (NIOSH), at the behest of the National Football League Players Association, found that while former players had a lower death rate overall compared with their peers in the general population, the heaviest players — offensive and defensive linemen — were 52% more likely to die of heart disease.”
Got it. So basically the National Institute for Occupational Safety and Health says these fat fucks are going to die more frequently from heart disease than a man that doesn’t weigh 350 pounds and doesn’t eat buckets of KFC for dinner every night. Well done guys.
Oh but wait, this is where it really gets juicy. A new study was performed, this time by the NFL, also known as, National Football League. And this study says:
“when it comes to their hearts, NFL players may be as healthy as men of the same age in the general population.”
Kathleen, you don’t think it’s a fucking red flag that the NFL EMPLOYS THESE MOTHERFUCKERS!?! Oh, and THEY’RE NOT SCIENTISTS!!
That’s like the FDA saying, “smoking cigarettes kills.” And Phillip Morris responding with, “smoking doesn’t kill! Yippee!” Who are you going to believe Katherine? You should be SO much better than that. WTF!
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