by Commodore on January 27, 2011
Let's be glad the guy wasn't a rhino
This is just your typical, man-shits-on-floor-and-is-arrested story. You can move along. Nothing to see here.
The incident took place when the 45-year-old man was visiting a shop in the town of Finspång. When nature called, the man asked a store employee if he could use the toilet, the local Norrköpings-Tidning newspaper reported. But the store employee explained that health regulations prohibited customers from using the store toilet, news which prompted the man to take drastic measures. “He pulled down his pants, squatted on the floor and pooped,” the 21-year-old female cashier said in court during the 45-year-old’s trial, according to the newspaper. The cashier explained further that the man proceeded to insult her while he relieved himself on the floor of the store. After he’d finished his business, the 45-year-old left the store, snatching some candy on the way, and leaving behind a pile of excrement and his dirty undies, according to the cashier.
That whole scene is hysterical. Picturing the guy swearing at the girl while shit is coming out of his ass is classic. I wonder if his insults took a break when he got to the rea——-lly difficult part of his shit.
Dropping a deuce and stealing some candy? Now that’s gangster. Had he wiped his ass with a t-shirt from the store, that would have taken the cake.
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by Commodore on September 25, 2009
What the drugs told him
I guarantee this will be the craziest thing you read before the end of the year:
A high-on-drugs Dutch trucker en route to Gothenburg, Sweden, was masturbating while driving and lost control, flipping the truck and blocking multiple lanes of traffic. While in the wreckage, he kept masturbating. Under police interrogation, he kept masturbating.
When I jerk off, it takes me like 30 seconds to climax. I’m so efficient, I look like one of those kids who stack cups really fast and you can’t figure out how in the hell they did it so fast. I just know what I’m doing. We men are good at jerking ourselves off because we know what feels good and we don’t play with the tip of our penis because we already know that playing with the tip doesn’t feel good at all (listen up, ladies).
The man remained in the vehicle with his hands apparently still clasped around his own gear stick.
Two hands?? Calm down man! You’re masturbating, not playing tug of war with your pelvic bone. Now, I understand that this man was on drugs but unless he was on horse tranquilizers and he was jerking himself off with wood chips glued to his hand, he probably should have finished up before the police interrogation, give or take.
But speaking of this police interrogation, they let this dude continue rubbing one out in the interrogation room as if handcuffing him behind his back was not an option. Nice work Swedes. In America, you get tazered, billy clubbed, arm barred, and waterboarded if you pee in public.
Oh and ladies, we really are that horny all the time. Sorry.
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by Commodore on September 2, 2009
Yummy
In my continuous quest to bring to you stories that hammer in an overkill amount of nails into the already sealed we-are-bored-out-of-our-minds-as-a-species coffin, I thought that this story used a sledge hammer.
Swedish father Ragnar Bengtsson, 26, has entered into an experiment that he hopes will help him breastfeed his future children.
An experiment? Mixing cesium with water is an experiment. Having your child suck your male nipples in the hopes of having milk come out of them is no more an experiment than claiming that you can change hydrogen into lead if you wished for it really really hard.
Bengtsson is preparing to pump his breasts at three-hour intervals every day until the beginning of December.
Somewhere, 3.5 billion years of evolution is shaking its head.
“If it works and the milk turns out to have a high nutritional value it could be a real breakthrough,” he said.
And so could growing another penis out of the middle of your back but that doesn’t mean that this breakthrough is realistic. Why don’t you do the Chinese Water torture test on your taint and see if the water burrows out a vagina for you?
But your boy Ragnar isn’t the only person that will blow your mind in this article…
Sigbritt Werner, professor of endocrinology at Karolinska Institute in Stockholm, said, “Men often have trouble finding things. And if the mother is out, the child is screaming and they can’t find the pacifier I’m sure there are a lot of men who give their baby their breasts.”
Hold on, what?!? Sigbritt, what kind of a ridiculous deduction is that? You theorize that men have trouble finding things, so consequently a good number of us shove our pecs into our baby’s face to give them something to suckle on?!
That makes about as much sense as me saying…Women often have trouble finding things, so if their husbands are out with the extra pair of car keys and they can’t kind their own pair, I’m sure there are a lot of women who commandeer the first car they see moving on the street.
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