by Commodore on June 29, 2010
Read up
There’s something to be said for totalitarian states. For one, you would never have shit like this in your newspapers.
In a new twist on the “Twilight Saga: New Moon” movie-taping controversy, former defendant Samantha Tumpach has become the plaintiff. In a lawsuit filed today in Cook County Circuit Court, Tumpach alleges wrongdoing at that hands of the movie facility where she was arrested in November 2009 after employees caught her recording segments of the tween vampire hit with a personal video camera.
First of all, “new twists” happen in murder cases, not someone trying to out-retard someone else. But back to the lecture at hand, it seems absurd that you can sue for being arrested for something that is clearly illegal.
Tumpach, 22, is suing Rosemont’s Muvico movie theater for more than $50,000, charging malicious prosecution, intentional infliction of emotional distress, negligence and defamation. “She has suffered great public ridicule, embarrassment, humiliation, inconvenience, damages to her reputation and other damages,” the lawsuit states.
Jesus Christ. Did they douse her in gasoline and set her on fire?
Tumpach said in her lawsuit that she and her family had been celebrating her sister’s birthday at the theater, using digital cameras to take photos and videos of themselves. Tumpach said she videotaped the opening of the movie “hoping to capture the title and beginning as a memory of this exciting event.” She later recorded a minute and twenty-five seconds in hopes of capturing “her favorite actor take his shirt off,” the lawsuit states.
Sorry lady. It doesn’t make a difference how pathetic your case is, you’re still a douche. ‘This exciting event”? This wasn’t a live broadcast of the moon landing folks, it was a vampire movie. And nice thinking in regards to recording Taylor Lautner take his shirt of. God knows where you’d ever be able to find photos and video of him doing that. If only there were a network of machines that you could search through which could then manipulate images onto the screen of your machine, all in the comfort of your own home.
Tumpach alleges that instead of telling her that she could not record in the movie theater, the theater manager contacted the police.
Yes, because that’s how laws work. If only they would have told me to stop stabbing the guy instead of calling the police. I mean, SHEESH!
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by Commodore on June 7, 2010
Thanks Janet
I don’t know what’s more pathetic here, the woman in the news story or the news story itself. It’s like eating a shit sandwich sprinkled with pee on top.
Janice Eberle of Lynnfield was ticketed $300 for parking her Mercedes SUV in a BJ’s handicapped spot in Danvers. “I don’t deny that it was wrong, but under the circumstances, the torrential rains, everything, the ticket I couldn’t even read it was soaked within two seconds,” said Eberle.
Oh, so rain should negate the validity of handicap spots now? Is there something in the “everything” category that we don’t know about that could clear this up? Perhaps her severed legs?
Eberle said that the fine is too high, and she has decided to sue the town of Danvers after the parking clerk refused to dismiss her ticket. Although she is not technically handicapped, she said that she was disabled that day from recent shoulder surgery. “At the time I was still in a full sling, I was still on medication and I have a huge scar,” Eberle said.
Awwwwww, duz pore baby have a wittle booboo? Come on lady!! You might not be technically retarded, but your brain activity is hampered. First it was the rain, then it was the arm, and hang on a minute… wtf are you doing driving while on pain killers? Isn’t that illegal? People like Janice Eberle are why we need to start having people pass IQ tests to get into a supermarket.
But watch the video on the site, it’s remarkable. Go to 0:58. The news anchor, Janet Wu, tries to convince us that she did some investigative reporting by pointing to a sign on the wall that says, “parking clerk”, as if we would be lost in space otherwise. Maybe the news report was so Janice Eberle could follow along. What a piece of shit story.
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by Commodore on June 2, 2010
Beep beep
Everytime we think that the ‘long tail’ of stupidty has been reached, the tail only gets longer. Thanks Chris Anderson, thanks.
Los Angeles native Lauren Rosenberg was in Park City, Utah, on January 19, 2009. She wanted to travel from Point A to Point B and she chose to walk.
Consulting Google Maps on her BlackBerry, she was given a walking route and she followed the directions. Those walking directions included walking on a highway that has no sidewalks. Instead of seeking an alternate route, Rosenberg walked in the middle of the highway.
She was hit by a car and is suing Google for medical expenses amounting to $100,000 and for punitive damages. Rosenberg is also suing the driver who hit her.
Digest that. A woman from Los Angeles, the ’shit highway system’ capital of the world, chose to walk in the middle of the highway because it didn’t have sidewalks. Deer do better. And you’re going to sue Google? I’m sure your tenderfoot lawyer will have no problem slicing and dicing the Google legal representation batallion.
If you are too dumb to:
A) Seek an alternate route or simply,
B) Walk on the side of the highway
Then I believe “Darwin the Driver” that smashed into you was trying to tell you something.
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by Commodore on May 3, 2010
Yup. This could go to court
People in the U.S. know that you can pretty much sue for anything. Pretty much anything has now become, most certainly everything after reading this.
A woman who fell through the window of a Lake View salon when she lost her footing trying to kick her husband is suing the salon, as well as a hospital that treated her — claiming an employee stole her jewelry and Blackberry. Melanie Shaker suffered “severe injuries,” including deep cuts to her upper arm, back and feet, according to the suit. The suit claims the salon’s plate glass window, located on a sidewalk “frequently traveled by intoxicated pedestrians,” is in violation of the City of Chicago’s building code.
That’s right. The woman who was drunk and tried to kick her husband is suing because there happened to be elements in their solid state near her. How dare a store put up a window in front of its merchandise!
Shaker claims the defendants failed to replace the window with safety glass, which would “prevent injuries from those coming into contact with it, including pedestrians, intoxicated pedestrians [or] pedestrians on their way to or from a Cubs game” who may fall inadvertently trip and fall into the window, the suit said.
Man, that sounds airtight! Case closed! I also want to file a suit against you, Melanie. It reads, “Commodore claims that the defendant failed to put a muzzle on her mouth which would have prevented headaches from those coming into contact with her spoken words of idiocy, including humans, intoxicated humans or humans on their way to or from anywhere at all, who may pick up a newspaper and inadvertently read her article.”
Why couldn’t a piece of sharded glass do to her what the glass did to Patrick Swaze’s nemesis in Ghost?
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by Commodore on December 8, 2009
You're a mean one...
At a time of general holiday cheer, it’s nice to see folks in Houston taking the word “giving” to new heights. That height is of course the lofty altitude of giving a homeless shelter a note that says it is getting sued.
Christ Church Cathedral, which runs the Beacon, was recently sued by a neighbor who alleges that the “derelicts” it assists have become a public nuisance, destroying the value of his business and property in the process.
What a guy, this neighbor must be. Maybe there’s a reason for this, though. Maybe he runs another homeless shelter and the Beacon came in and took away some of the people he was serving? … No?
Personal injury attorney Harry C. Arthur, who filed the suit, runs his practice and owns offices in the Marine Building across the street. He claims the 400 or so clients the Beacon attracts daily from Friday through Monday are scaring away tenants and clients.
Of course he’s a personal injury lawyer. Mr. Arthur, were you raised by wolverines or something? WTF, dude?! What do you have to say for yourself?
“If this was Skid Row like in New York City, or Skid Row like in Los Angeles and you come down and feed these people, that’s one thing. But this isn’t where people normally stay and sleep.”
Harry, we all have issues with the homeless, beneath our skin. We wish they would find jobs and make a life for themselves, but no one actually has the gall to say that to them, let alone sue the place that is feeding them! Good luck with that! Yeah, they were peeing and shitting on your doorstep before, but I look forward to see what they do to your store now.
Happy Holidays!
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