Subway Ride

Whoa! Look at this crazy news story!!!

Wars. Pirates. Cuba. Dead porn stars. That’s news. A boy riding the subway and ending up perfectly fine 1 hour later, is not news, it’s the most common activity in NYC. If the boy jumped in front of a train and forced it to miraculously jump tracks and then launch onto the street like the one from the end of Speed, then yes, report it.

CBS 2 HD was there when the little boy was brought back to the Bronx.

Really? We really needed to bring the HD cams out for this one? I can’t get the Daily Show in HD. Not a Goddamn thing going on…in New York City?! Hey CBS News chopper team, I just took a mean shit. Why don’t you fire up the blades so you can get me wiping my ass?

After he took off Monday morning from a bodega at 225th & Broadway in the Bronx, he ran — mom said he’s fast — up the block and around the corner and kept running up the stairs.

Who is writing this article? This sounds like a running monologue from Benjamin Button’s mom…Momma said he was fast. No one ever really could catch little Sammy.

The police officers said they were surprised that apparently no one on the train, during that long trip, asked the boy if he was lost or where his family was.

That’s right bitches. It’s New York. Nobody gives a fuck about you…even if you’re 5.