by Commodore on January 24, 2011
Take it easy!
Last week, we had a kid go ape shit, killing someone and stabbing 3 others because someone was making fun of his farts. This week, we learn of a story where a girl stabbed another kid because the latter was making fun of the former’s stinky feet.
A drunken Washington state teen convicted of stabbing a young man who accused her of having stinky feet must complete a writing assignment while in prison. Dallas Smith, 18, pleaded guilty to second-degree assault with a knife for stabbing Willy Simpson, 19, at a Sept. 7 party after Simpson teased Smith about having smelly feet, The Herald of Everett, Wash., reported.
Farts and feet. They smell, folks. Everyone’s smell. Why are people getting defensive over the scent of the most foul parts of one’s body?
“Let me be absolutely clear: This case is not about smelly feet,” the judge said. “It is about binge drinking and (the) criminal behavior that did flow from that.”
Oh ok. That’s a decent point. Sorry, your honor. Drunk, I once tried to put myself in the clothes dryer because I wanted to feel what it would be like. Maybe alcohol does impede your judgment. Who knew?
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by Commodore on August 16, 2010
I might fight for that thing too
For all the articles posted and for all of the raised eyebrows, I don’t think anything has embodied the spirit behind Browtf, more than this story, and more specifically, more than the following sentence.
A Toledo, Ohio teenager was arrested after police say he became enraged that his mother did not bring him a Rally’s cheeseburger and stabbed her.
Ohhhhh kids these days. This could be a good story for Rally though. Burgers so good, you’ll stab your mother for one. Are you as excited about the specifics as I am?
Vergie Dean says her 6′3 300 pound son Aaron stabbed her with a butcher knife after she came home with a cheeseburger for herself and not for him.
God Damn! I’ve seen male lions act less aggressively over a female lion trying to hoard a kill. There’s road rage and now there’s fat fury.
“”He was like ‘Where’s my food at?’ and I’m like ‘I’m not gonna give you anything’ so he smacked my sandwich and he pushed me or something and it escalated from there…” She says her 18-year-old then grabbed and choked her before grabbing a knife. “He had me in the corner. I took a knife and I stabbed him in his finger. He ran in his room and grabbed a big ole butcher knife. He came back and was like ‘You cut me, you cut me.’ He was standing right there. He just took the knife and stuck it in my arm. “
For the record, the burger looks pretty damn good…I’m just saying. You can’t go waving a Rally Burger in front of a 300 pound man and not expect to get stabbed.
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by Commodore on August 25, 2009
Guys, let it slide.
In this week’s example of “Calm Down“:
A fight that started as an argument over the tying of a girl’s shoelaces Sunday night ended with one man being slashed several times in the arm and another man going to jail, Allentown police said.
*blink..blink*
Paris Cooks told police that they had a disagreement over the tying of Cooks’ daughter’s shoelaces, which led to an argument and then a fight, Manescu said. During the fight, Eric Thomas pulled a pocketknife and slashed Cooks repeatedly because he felt disrespected, he said.
Wow. Respeck! Don’t you ever disrespect me when tying your own daughter’s shoelaces, son! But in all seriousness, what on earth could the argument have been about? The only thing that makes sense is that Eric Thomas suggested she tie her shoes using the two bunny ears method. Everyone knows that is far inferior to the over-around-and through the one bunny ear method.
But even so, fellas..FELLAS! This is Allentown, Pennsylvania for Chrissake! There shouldn’t be knife fights going on for ANY reasons! Unless Eric Thomas was suggesting that Cooks’ daughter tie her left and right shoelaces together while they were in they middle of a war zone, I think everyone just needs to take a breath and calm down and go their separate ways.
The two men live together, Manescu said.
I’m speechless.
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