by Commodore on February 18, 2011
No biggie.
Some stories on here are stupid, some are funny, some are genius (usually due to my writing), and some flat out defy description. This one is the latter. It is so much the latter, it defies description.
Chinese man had knife blade stuck in his head for four years without knowing it, doctors say.
I bet that sentence had never been written in the history of mankind and I bet that it won’t ever be written again. What kind of a situation would lead to yo having a blade stuck in your head without knowing it?
Li Fuyan said a robber had stabbed him on the right side of his jaw. For years, Li had suffered from severe headaches and had trouble breathing, but didn’t know it was because a knife blade was stuck inside his head, reported The Associated Press.
Huh? Not one X-ray after being stabbed in the face? Jesus!
While shocking, Li’s case is far from unusual. In fact, one of Li’s countrymen once had to have a pair of scissors removed from his esophagus two years ago.
I’m with Karl Pilkington now. China is just weird.
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by Commodore on December 14, 2010
Let's go.
Get your tools ready, boys. There is some vigilante justice needed…now!
A Vacaville teen and her toddler brother are in critical condition after being stabbed repeatedly early Sunday morning when their home was broken into while they slept. The 13-year-old girl was babysitting her 18-month-old brother at their home in the 1200 block of Balsam Way in south Vacaville while their mother was away, police said. The two were alone in the home, police said, when the suspect, an unidentified 14-year-old Vacaville boy, broke into the home. The suspect woke the sleeping 13-year-old and stabbed her repeatedly with a kitchen knife before raping her, police said. During the assault, the 18-month-old baby woke up and the suspect then stabbed him more than 10 times. Police said that the 13-year-old suffered more than 30 stab wounds at the hands of her attacker during the assault.
This is incomprehensible. Was this boy raised by Satan and Dina Lohan?
Vacaville police Sgt. Denise Quatman said that the girl showed “great courage” and, after getting the suspect to go to sleep, took the baby and made her way to a neighbor’s home and called police. The suspect was discovered to still be sleeping inside the home and was taken into custody without further incident, police said.
Holy moly! This girl was poised enough to get the boy to fall asleep after she was stabbed and raped? Even Mother Teresa would have lost her shit and threw this guy out of a window to a waiting, knife-wielding Gandhi who had just asked Dexter to step aside with a , “Yo Dex, I got this one”.
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by Commodore on February 2, 2010
Good job, sperm!
It’s been suggested that sperm have a one track mind. Egg or bust. I always kind of felt bad (ok, not bad enough to stop) for a load of sperm that was swallowed by a girl. Those billions of swimmies thinking that they were in the fallopian tubes only to later see bits of food and think to themselves, “Hey…wait a SECOND!” Well, we can all be glad to know, that a particular legion of sperm that traveled down an esophagus, found a way to the egg in a girl WITHOUT a vagina. Take that Mother Mary!
Oral conception. Impregnation via the proximal gastrointestinal tract in a patient with an aplastic distal vagina. Case report. The patient was a 15-year-old girl employed in a local bar. She was admitted to hospital after a knife fight involving her, a former lover and a new boyfriend.
Ahh, young love.
The girl had some minor lacerations of the left hand and a single stab-wound in the upper abdomen. Under general anaesthesia, laparotomy was performed through an upper midline abdominal incision to reveal two holes in the stomach. These two wounds had resulted from the single stab-wound through the abdominal wall. Precisely 278 days an emergency lower segment caesarean section was performed under spinal anaesthesia and a live male infant weighing 2800 g was born. The patient was well aware of the fact that she had no vagina and she had started oral experiments after disappointing attempts at conventional intercourse. Just before she was stabbed in the abdomen she had practised fellatio with her new boyfriend and was caught in the act by her former lover. The fight with knives ensued.
Are you kidding me?! The sperm traveled from the holes in the stomach to gain access to the egg. That is the most amazing thing I have ever heard. That kid is going to get so much ass when he grows up. I mean, his sperm has to be the most fertile lot on earth. Probably a bunch of Macgyvers floating around just waiting for the chance to find the egg. When this kid grows up, he could ejaculate into the Atlantic Ocean breeze off the coast of Africa and some chick in Iowa will get pregnant.
Kudos to you, life. You always do find a way. But I think the main thing to take away from all this, is that you shouldn’t stab a girl in the stomach right after she gave you a BJ. I learn something new everyday.
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