Sleep Drunkedness

This woman might be dying!

You’ve read the horror stories through the years of what happens to your body if you get less than 7 hours sleep. You get fat, you die sooner or your organs might liquify on the spot. Well Dr.’s from the United States of Paranoia have decided to flip the script…kind of, well not really. They’re not sure. But thank God they posted an article anyway!

“If I sleep the right amount, I feel really good,” said the 25-year-old, Jesse Wu, who lives in a suburb of Chicago, Illinois. “If I sleep too long, I feel groggy throughout the whole day.”

Awwwwww poor wittle Jesse doesn’t feel wozy (rosy) when he wakes up???? Maybe he should…CRY ME A FUCKING RIVER! Hey Jesse, set an alarm on the weekend then. End of story. Next!

“Many people will tell you, they sleep a little worse when they sleep a long time on weekends,” said Dr. Daniel Kripke, co-director of Scripps Clinic Sleep Center in La Jolla, California. “Too much long sleep on weekends does not seem to make people feel better. But there isn’t medical evidence to recommend that people who sleep long hours should change their habits,” Kripke said.

…Ohhhhhhh k. Great. So like shoelaces that untie, we should just re-tie them and go about our day so we don’t complain about every single thing that happens to us in our pampered life.

-Hey Jim, how are you doing today?
-Well actually, I’m exhausted! Sleeping 10 hours a night is KILLING me. I gotta figure something else out so I don’t feel so run down.

“After I’ve gotten so much sleep, the first situation is I fall asleep at 10 p.m., even though I’ve gotten 12 hours of sleep, because I feel so groggy,” said Wu.

Awwww. Wittle Wu is weal sweepy still!

This is known as sleep drunkenness, when a person hovers between sleep and wakefulness, said Dr. Lisa Shives.

Jesus Christ. We have it so good that we have a description for something that happens when your life is so good, you can sleep for as long as you want.

“They’ll wake up and be in this weird state of sleep drunkenness,” Shives said. “If it’s really severe, you’re not going to be in any state to make decisions. If it’s just regular [case], a lot of us feel ‘blah,’ and most of us have to carry on and get going on a shower and cups of coffee.”

Oh the horrors!!! A warm shower to wake us up?! How does anyone live through it???

Oversleeping once in a while doesn’t present serious health risks, experts say. But if you habitually sleep excessively, it could be the result of an underlying health problem. And it could be cutting into your life span.

You know what else cuts into life spans? Malnutirtion, no clean water, disease, war, etc. I think we coddled and spoiled Americans can deal with figuring out how to get through life with a little extra sleep, don’t you think?

“There’s been at least two epidemiological studies to show that if people get less than five hours, or more than 10 hours of sleep, it increases their mortality,” said Michael Breus, the clinical director of the sleep division at Southwest Spine and Sports in Scottsdale, Arizona.

Oh, at least 2 studies! Sounds rock solid, Mr. Clinical Director of the Beauty Rest Division in 24/7 vacationland, Arizona.