Siberia

Children, being feral is not all fun and games

It’s not often that we stumble across a 5 year-old child that was raised by cats and dogs. And I’m also going out on a limb to hypothesize that it is rare for this same child to have been raised by cats and dogs…

despite sharing the three-room flat with her father, grandmother, grandfather and other relatives.

I’m sorry. You were breaking up. What was that?

I understand that you have to ignore your child when it whines too much but the 5 year “tune-out” tactic could be a bit on the lengthy side. Especially when your child:

refuses to eat with a spoon, insisting on lapping up her food straight from the plate and when carers leave the room, jumps at the door and barks.

Folks, that’s usually a good sign that it’s time to acknowledge the existence of your kid again. I guess Russia IS a bit tougher than we are. Evidently in Siberia, the rearing technique instilled by parents is, “Rear Yourself.”

And for some reason, people still think I’m crazy for suggesting that parents should have to fill out applications to reproduce. Ah, the 21st century. To hell in a hand basket we go.

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Imagine This was a penis, only instead of proud and strong, it was a bloody stump!

Because this didn’t happen to him.

“A Russian woman got so upset by the news that her boyfriend intended to leave her that she tied several firecrackers to his penis and exploded them.”

Russians drink vodka, wrestle bears, and stroll through Siberia for fun. Point being, they are tough, really tough. Zeus from No Holds Barred would sooner go to a KKK rally in the deepest, darkest corner of Mississippi with his hands tied behind his back, than go to Russia. I’m pretty sure as I write this, there is a two year old Russian baby strangling another Russian baby to death for stealing his juice box. And what they call juice, we call “moonshine”.

Even for Russia though, blowing off a man’s dick with fire crackers is some serious shit. When we think of fire crackers we think of BBQ’s, the 4th of July, summer hijinx, and county fairs. Apparently when this Russian woman thinks of them, she thinks “colorful fire shooter of genital death”. I honestly never thought I would read about something that made John Wayne Bobbitt say, “Damn, did you see what happened to that guy’s dick? I am one lucky guy”.

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