Sex Tape

This must have been rock bottom

Is Paris Hilton running against Sarah Palin for the Presidency in 2012? Because for the life of me, I can’t figure out what reason anyone would care what she has to say about the remorse she feels regarding her sex tape? Oh wait, I forgot about the, “Hey, Look at me!” factor.

“When you trust someone and love someone – for them to do that to you, it’s really hard. It’s something that bothers me every day.”

Awwww. Is someone a wittle upset wiff the way things turned out in their life?? I mean gosh, Paris. I can see how that tape really made things tough for you. There you are, a child of no creed, family or heritage. A social orphan, if you will. Walking around in a multimillion dollar home on a weekday with nothing but the shirt on your back and a diamond studded necklace paid for by someone else’s blood sweat and tears.

And this sex tape came out and completely buried your long career in doing absolutely nothing at all and spirals you into being paid to show up at paries and drink your face off. Things got so low that you had your own perfume, were on the cover of magazines and in TV shows and you had to pretend that you loved the attention! Sheesh! Fuckin a, girl. You must relive the horrors of that sex tape everyday! I guess you learned your lesson!

“It wasn’t my fault, it was something that someone did to me, so I’ve just learned to be a strong woman and nothing can hurt me at this point.”

It’s nice to see that such a negative moment has turned you into such a wonderful, hard working person.

God Bless America!

1 Comment

I have my work cut out for me.

I used to think that as you got older, the idea of having sex with people would just diminsh to the level it was when you were five, i.e. Girls have cooties and they are gross. Apparently that’s not the case…in Italy at least. But to be fair, the Italians invented sex so this might be skewed a little.

A tape of a sexually explicit conversation purported to be between Silvio Berlusconi and a call girl has been released. The recordings were made by Patrizia D’Addario, 42, a high class escort girl, after she spent the night at 72-year-old Italian prime minister’s official residence following a party.

Ok, ok, wait a minute! So a 72-year-old man had some playful banter with a younger lady. What’s the big deal? The dude has to be charming as hell, I mean he IS the Prime Minister of Italy, and in the sexual hierarchy of all men, that is right after Dos Equis’ Most Interesting Man in the World and just ahead of Ghengis Khan. Not bad.

The transcript included this purported exchange:

PD: A young man would have come in a second. I mean he would have come… Young men usually have a lot of pressure.

SB: But if you will you allow me… (muffled) I believe it is a family thing.

PD: What?

SB: Having an orgasm.

PD: You know how long it has been since I had sex like I had with you tonight. It’s several months, since I broke with my boyfriend. Is this normal?

SB: May I? You should have sex with yourself. You should touch yourself often.

Jeez. Because these are Italians and they do things in bed I don’t even understand, I had to check back at the top to figure out who was who in the conversation. I could have believed it either way.

But listen here Ms. D’Addario, we “young guys” cum quickly because we still have nerve endings on the end of our penis. We haven’t spent our entire adult life basking in vagina, boring out (yes, that kind of boring) women with the alarming frequency as I imagine someone set to be a Prime Minister would. His dick probably has as much feeling left in it as a paraplegic’s toe. Cut us some slack here!

And you, Mr. Berlusconi….well you just go on with your bad self. We here in the States are still stuck on the whole Puritan ‘family values’ thing. Sad, I know. We’re working on it though.

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Paris, No One Respects You Anyway. Relax.

Jeez

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