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Rihanna

Jay-Z: More Powerful Than He-Man?

by Uncle Awesome on June 30, 2009

I will end you like Mortal Combat

I will end you like Mortal Kombat

After Michael Jackson died BET realized they were sitting on a gold mine since their awards show was scheduled for two days later.  To be clear, by gold mine I mean that the only way white people would have been more interested is if they were giving away free mayonnaise to every viewer.

The stage was set for tribute after tribute; and then news broke that Chris Brown was making his “triumphant” return to the stage with a ten minute tribute of his own.  First of all, I’m not sure you can literally beat the shit out of America’s sweetheart and expect a standing ovation for it, even on BET, even if it was going to be acapella ella ella.  Second of all, you definitely can’t do it a week after you plead guilty for the beating.  Shit, even O.J. waited a month before he claimed to be “searching for the real killers.”   No one at BET seemed to share these thoughts, and then the most powerful man on the planet stepped in.

The Source claims that Jay-Z threatened to cancel his performance at last night’s BET Awards if Chris Brown was allowed to perform his scheduled tribute to Michael Jackson. Though Brown had rehearsed for the show three days in advance, Jay-Z used his considerable influence to shut him down.

If Jay-Z shuts you down, that’s it, it’s a wrap.  This is like waking up next to the horse head.  You know it’s over.  What do you think Chris Brown did that night instead?  My guess would be applying to the University of Phoenix because his career is more fucked than Kelly Clarkson’s size 4 pants.

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Dude, call HER you Dummy!

by Big Lou Al Timber on March 9, 2009

PICK UP THE FUCKING PHONE!

PICK UP THE FUCKING PHONE!

I know this subject is as worn out as Clay Aiken’s rectum, but what can you say when you read something like this?  The BroWhatTheFuckness makes itself so fucking apparent. 

Call HER man!  Are you kidding me?  Your daughter just got her fucking head smashed into a plane of glass, pick up the phone and call her!!

What kind of a father sits back and WAITS for his abused daughter to give me a call and explain what happened? 

I’d be on the first flight to LA with a briefcase full of 100’s to buy the first grenade launcher I could find.  I’d strap it to Brown’s balls and press “go.”

You’re waiting?  What the fuck.

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