by Commodore on October 26, 2010
2 different men chose to impregnate this...multiple times. Eesh.
In the “Shake your head in confusion” category, we have this story. I have trouble hiding erections and yet this woman had no trouble hiding 5 pregnancies. But to be fair, my penis is a bit larger than a newborn baby (high five).
No one knew that Michele G.M. Kalina was pregnant five times with the infants she was charged Monday with killing – not even the father of the babies.
Sounds logical.
In addition to the two children she had with her husband, Kalina gave birth to three boys, one girl and another infant whose gender could not be determined, investigators said. Police found the remains of four infants in her apartment in the 700 block of Court Street during searches in late July and early August, investigators said.
How sad is that?! And look at that woman’s picture! I had a hard time coming to grips with the fact that a man would have sex, let alone unprotected sex, with that woman. Now, I have to reconcile with the fact that there were at least two men who were interested in doing that.
The boyfriend told police the relationship was intermittent. He noticed Kalina’s stomach was growing when they started seeing each other in 1996. The boyfriend said Kalina told him that she had a cyst on her fallopian tubes. The boyfriend said the cyst appeared as many as four times over the years they carried on the affair. Kalina, however, denied to police that she had cysts.
The boyfriend is also the first human being to lose a game of tic-tac-toe to a stick. WTF.
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by Commodore on June 8, 2010
Psst. William..I know who killed your wife
There is a time and a place for vigilante justice. The time is now, the place is wherever the hell Graydon Smith is right now.
A violent boyfriend forced his pregnant girlfriend to sign an ‘abuse contract’ allowing him to beat her whenever he wanted. Under the terms of the contract Graydon Smith,31, was allowed to punch, kick and throttle his 19 year old girlfriend. His only restriction was that he wasn’t allowed to punch her stomach.
Oh, not in the stomach? What a Renaissance man! Yes, we here at Browtf may make jokes about idiots, fat people and of course the state that houses all of them, Texas, but we try to back everything we say with at least a sprinkle of logic. And today, that logic says that some should reassemble William Wallace, animate him back to life and then convince him that Graydon Smith killed his (William’s) wife.
Unlike Graden’s “no stomach” rules for his girlfriend, William Wallace will be allowed to disembowel him. Someone put in a call to some archeologists, cryogenics specialists, and Aubrey de Gray so we can get started. We can do this!
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by Commodore on February 2, 2010
Good job, sperm!
It’s been suggested that sperm have a one track mind. Egg or bust. I always kind of felt bad (ok, not bad enough to stop) for a load of sperm that was swallowed by a girl. Those billions of swimmies thinking that they were in the fallopian tubes only to later see bits of food and think to themselves, “Hey…wait a SECOND!” Well, we can all be glad to know, that a particular legion of sperm that traveled down an esophagus, found a way to the egg in a girl WITHOUT a vagina. Take that Mother Mary!
Oral conception. Impregnation via the proximal gastrointestinal tract in a patient with an aplastic distal vagina. Case report. The patient was a 15-year-old girl employed in a local bar. She was admitted to hospital after a knife fight involving her, a former lover and a new boyfriend.
Ahh, young love.
The girl had some minor lacerations of the left hand and a single stab-wound in the upper abdomen. Under general anaesthesia, laparotomy was performed through an upper midline abdominal incision to reveal two holes in the stomach. These two wounds had resulted from the single stab-wound through the abdominal wall. Precisely 278 days an emergency lower segment caesarean section was performed under spinal anaesthesia and a live male infant weighing 2800 g was born. The patient was well aware of the fact that she had no vagina and she had started oral experiments after disappointing attempts at conventional intercourse. Just before she was stabbed in the abdomen she had practised fellatio with her new boyfriend and was caught in the act by her former lover. The fight with knives ensued.
Are you kidding me?! The sperm traveled from the holes in the stomach to gain access to the egg. That is the most amazing thing I have ever heard. That kid is going to get so much ass when he grows up. I mean, his sperm has to be the most fertile lot on earth. Probably a bunch of Macgyvers floating around just waiting for the chance to find the egg. When this kid grows up, he could ejaculate into the Atlantic Ocean breeze off the coast of Africa and some chick in Iowa will get pregnant.
Kudos to you, life. You always do find a way. But I think the main thing to take away from all this, is that you shouldn’t stab a girl in the stomach right after she gave you a BJ. I learn something new everyday.
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by Commodore on October 30, 2009
Dear Elisabeth
We usually stay away from the media mainstream ho hum here, but Mrs. Hasselbeck is so retarded, I shouldn’t be the only one that has to be dumbfounded by her idiocy.
With three kids, does The View’s Elisabeth Hasselbeck have plans to get pregnant again? “No, I don’t,” she said Monday on Barbara Walters’ SIRIUS XM radio show, Here’s Barbara. “If something happened and I was pregnant again … I don’t know how that would happen, because I’m clearly avoiding my husband,” former NFL quarterback Tim Hasselbeck.
Becuase that’s just what good looking, rich, horny dudes love the most. NOT getting any ass from the only woman they agreed to sleep with. Elisabeth, how do you plan on keeping your husband’s cock at bay?
“My strategy is dressing in a way that will not get me pregnant.” How does she dress so that she doesn’t get pregnant? “Nothing too cute,” she said. “I’m trying to wear nothing too revealing.”
Elisabeth, do you think your husband’s penis can be fooled? Do you think it’s as easy to mess with as the Beef Jerky Sasquatch. We’ll you’re wrong. As barbaric and stupid as his penis may seem, its senses are actually most like the Predator. 5 days without sex and it doesn’t matter if you are wearing a Bio Hazard suit. Tim Hasselback’s penis can see tits, ass and vagina through that. It has senses you didn’t even know it had.
But be careful on not “feeding” it, Elisabeth…after 5-7 days, Predator-Penis can’t tell the difference between your vagina and the next woman’s vagina. You think that Tim’s rod of love only works when he sees your cleavage? Stop flattering yourself. A vulture may prefer a dead lion’s carcass. But a hungry vulture ain’t gonna pass up a dead buffalo, now is it?
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by Commodore on July 9, 2009
Amazing.
How many dudes does a Polish chick have to have sex with before she gets pregnant? Zero. She just has to go for a swim.
A woman is suing an Egyptian hotel claiming her daughter got pregnant – from using the swimming pool.
Ok lady, here’s a news flash for you: 13-year old girls lie. I realize that you think your daughter is an angel but suggesting that hibernating heat seeking Neo sperm soaking in chlorine found their way up your girl’s hoohaa, makes you about as coherent as James Brown singing with marbles in his mouth. Your daughter likes cock. Deal with it.
This just in: Jennifer Aniston has just checked into that same hotel carrying wearing a bathing suit and carrying nothing but a wet vac. I wonder what she’s up to?
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