by Commodore on June 21, 2010
Yeah, it's like that
Let me start out on the right foot here. I think rape is the most despicable thing a man can ever do. I haven’t decided if I think this is a good idea or if this is the most greusome chastity belt ever. Probably a little of both.
Dr. Sonnet Ehlers has invented Rape-axe, a female device with jagged hooks that latch onto a man’s penis during penetration. The doctor is distributing 30,000 of these condoms in South Africa during this year’s World Cup.”It hurts,” Ehlers told CNN. “He cannot pee and walk when it’s on. If he tries to remove it, it will clasp even tighter.” Rape-axe is inserted like a tampon and when embedded to a man the device can only be removed by a doctor.
(cricket…cricket). This thing sounds like the Pit Monster from Star Wars or like a trap the Viet Cong would place in hidden pits. And we all know that Star Wars and the Vietnam War are touchy subjects so I’m gonna take that lead and not comment anymore on the Rape-Axe Condom. I’ve already written two different comments but couldn’t tell if I was being funny or the most horrible person alive. So I’ll just leave this invention and everything that surrounds it with a “Bro…wtf”
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by Commodore on January 11, 2010
That's sweeeet
It’s not always the case that you get to read those 5 words in the sentence of any story, let alone one about a hermaphroditic South African crime lord, but today’s your lucky day!
South African police caught more than they expected in a Cape Town drug raid when a strap-on dildo fell off a suspected crime lord during a search, the Sunday Times reported.
If it was “strapped on”, how does it “fall off”, I wonder. Here “search” must be closely related to “beat the fuck out of”.
“I had a vagina that could not be penetrated. But I also had male organs, testes. But I always knew I was really a man and that was what I wanted to be,” Fat Murphy told the court, according to the newspaper. “God created me with both sexual organs. It was God’s decision, not mine.”
That God has a weird sense of humor, a? And Mr. Murphy, if it was God’s decision to give you both organs, who gives you the right to decide that you were always a man? If God wants you to dance like a clown, you dance like a clown.
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by Commodore on July 26, 2009
I guess we should blow that up in case kids have questions
A few weeks back, I commented on our society’s apparent disgust with the male unit, here. In fact, the first sentence in that article was: “Is a penis like the worst possible thing to see in the world?” Well surely enough, we have more evidence that yes, the penis is evidently the worst thing on the planet.
The statues called “Journey to the New” depict a nude family making an exodus from Russia and Ethiopia to Israel. The anatomically correct figures have led to a lot of pointing and staring…Linda Austin said she purposely takes another route when walking with her 6-year-old. “He’s gonna have questions,” Austin said. “I don’t think he’s ready for that.”
Christ. Of course this is Florida. Hey Linda, guess what? Your son has already been to youporn.com (don’t go there at work if you still want a job) and xvideos.com (ditto to previous parenthetical) and already thinks that the missionary style is boring so he always fast forwards through that part. And anyway, these aren’t bronze statues depicting a Japanese gang bang, it’s naked refugees fleeing for their lives. Maybe you’re afraid he might ask you, “What’s tolerance, mommy?”
An 18 year old girl, a one, Taylor English, had this central thesis to her argument:
“From the other side, it’s not so bad. But now that we see it from the front, maybe they could take this one out,” she said referring to the father in the group.
Take this one out?!?! Take out the father of a group of naked refugees fleeing for their lives because you don’t like to see a penis? Oh you got some nerve. You know what happens to that family if the father is removed from the situation? His wife and kids are probably going to be raped and killed. It’s nice that you support rape and murder, Taylor. I bet you’re wondering why they were allowed to flee at all, isn’t that right, fraulein?
If you have a boyfriend, I hope he understands that he is NEVER getting any ass. Run, Taylor’s boyfriend…flee.
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by Uncle Awesome on June 1, 2009
I have made a terrible mistake!!!
A 25 year old man in Egypt cut off his own penis to “spite” his father for not allowing him to marry his girlfriend on Sunday. This is a worse decision than when little Morty Goldbloom punched a 4 year old Adolf Hitler in the stomach in front of a girl he liked causing a young Hitler to “vow revenge”.
Does this guy know how many men have tried to weasel their way out of getting married? This guy is rich, from Africa and wanted to marry someone of lower class but the Dad won’t allow it. Did none of his friends tell him to just go rent Coming to America??? Because it works out in the end, Eddie Murphy gets the girl, his father’s respect, AND still keeps his penis. Also, there were some much better alternatives even if you somehow couldn’t find a job in New York City at McDowell’s or for whatever reason Arsenio Hall wasn’t available to be your servant (although according to IMDB he is playing the character Tasty Freeze in the movie Black Dynamite, so he’s probably available).
Eloping? Had you thought of that, because if you didn’t you are reaaaaaaally gonna kick yourself now. And lastly, who wins with the dick-less you? Your dad? Nope, now you have shamed him and your family to the point where they probably wish you had just bled out. Your girlfriend? Nope, you just cut off your dick; she is already fucking your best friend, right now as I type this. You? Let’s see, no girl, no family, no dick, you’re a bigger loser than when David Caruso left NYPD Blue for a career in the movies.
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by Uncle Awesome on April 8, 2009
Conversation between these two idiots:
Siegfried: Oh my god I bit your penis off
Roy: Holy shit my wife is going to kill me
Siegfried: Your wife? I’m supposed to be at my daughter’s recital in twenty minutes!!
Roy: What’s the least gay explanation for me having my cock in your mouth???
Siegfried: OK OK, be cool, put a towel on it, we got in a fight, yeah that’s it
Roy: And you overpowered me, pulled down my pants, put my dick in your mouth, and then bit it off
Siegfried: BOOM SHAKA LACKA, brilliant, right?
Roy: Im dying, call 911, I love you
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