Paul Shirley

This guy.

You know, my favorite articles are the ones that practically write themselves.  Ones that actually make you say, “Bro, WTF?!” as you read it.  For instance…this article.

Paul Shirley, the former NBA player who still plays pro basketball, penned a long letter today about Haiti and the consequences of its earthquake.  He begins the letter by stating that he has not donated to relief efforts in Haiti and “probably will not… for the same reason that I don’t give money to homeless men on the street.  Shouldn’t much of the responsibility for the disaster lie with the victims of that disaster?”

That’s true compassion from someone who luckily grew up in a society that did all the work for him as far as laying down the infrastructure of civilization.  Responsibility?  Kind of like when you soon hopefully get beat up and you try to call the cops and they say, “The responsibility to get you out of your predicament falls on you, sir.” 

His letter gets even better.

Dear Haitians -

First of all, kudos on developing the poorest country in the Western Hemisphere. Your commitment to human rights, infrastructure, and birth control should be applauded.  As we prepare to assist you in this difficult time, a polite request: If it’s possible, could you not re-build your island home in the image of its predecessor? Could you not resort to the creation of flimsy shanty- and shack-towns? And could some of you maybe use a condom once in a while?

Sincerely,

The Rest of the World

That son of a bitch stole my style!  Well the intro and outro, not so much the meat of the message.  Anyhow,

Dear Paul Shirley,

Shirly you can’t be serious?  And yes, I’m calling you Shirley.  Please refrain from using the pronoun “we” when describing the selfless acts that the rest of the world are conducting on behalf of the less fortunate.  Since you aren’t giving a dime of cash or a dime of your time, and since you are a piece of shit, you cannot ever say “we”, because you are not a part of the global “us”.  The current generations of Haitians are paying the price for many years of unfortunate events, and do not deserve your pompous holier than thou comments, especially at a time like this. 

What if this earthquake devastated Rome and its citizens were buried under rubble?  Should we help them?  Or is the world every man for himself?  It sounds like you think it is.  So fuck the French for saving us in the Revolutionary War.  Those bastards shouldn’t have given us shit.  The British were our problem.  Part of me wishes that the French would have never saved our asses back then so that your ancestors wouldn’t find America such a lovely place to live and give birth to your douchebag self. 

I guess you think that we should have let Hitler run wild on the whole of Europe too because it was the fault of Europe and its residents when they decided to build their societies in close proximity to a soon to be madman.  You lived the fortunate life of growing up in the late 20th century in a plentiful country, because of:

a) blind luck and
b) the back breaking efforts of people who sacrificed so future generations (that you are a part of) could have more. 

Remember, you did NOTHING to deserve the life you were born into.  You were given it.  You should spend your life earning the good fortune you were so blessed to have been graced with.  Earning it by possibly shutting your fucking mouth and maybe donating $10 bucks to people that just lost everything.

Paul Shirley, you and those that think like you are the worst that billions of years of evolution have produced.  And by the way, you fucking SUCK at basketball. 

Sincerely,

Browtf…on behalf of The Rest Of The World

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