Orgasms

I know I know. I wouldn't want you to miss your wave of invincibility

For years men have called bullshit on the fact that women get to have multiple orgasms whenever they can reach the summit of bliss while men have to do everything in their power to hold back the one orgasm they get in any particular situation. And now it looks like women get superpowers when they cum.

Researchers also found that waves of pleasure are so strong the nervous system starts to shut down. This makes women less aware of pain.

This statement is like, “If a tree falls in the forest…” because women can’t orgasm unless they’re completely pain free, laying on a bed of titunias in a 72 degree room with 56% humidity, 7 candles burning of various scents (but never cinnamon), John Legend playing, and a shooting star passing overhead (airplanes in the night sky won’t do). Well, that or drunk in a bar bathroom but in either case, she is never unduring pain while orgasming for the 5 seconds she does. It’s like saying, for 5 seconds when I cum, my analytical brain is on par with the best chess masters in the world. Too bad chess takes hours and Gary Kasparov might not have the patience to wait for to climax before every move.

What am I talking about? Who knows. I’m just jealous of women and the orgasms they get to have. Leave me alone.

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The sexual experiences of completely fat, ordinary, random people is of the interest of precisely zero people. How on earth did this make it into a news publication is beyond me.

A woman with the medical condition, Persistent Sexual Arousal Syndrome, that gives her 300 orgasms a day, has found a man of her dreams after she wore out a string of boyfriends.

Besides the girls who still can’t figure out how to climax, and are now crying, who cares? Are we supposed to feel bad for a girl who walks around feeling better than God every 3.2 minutes (assuming 8 hours of sleep a day)?

She thought she was just too demanding for men and would never find the man of her dreams. But she has been with her neighbour Andrew Carr, 32, for the past six months and he’s as keen for sexual intercourse as she is and they make love 10 times a day.

Whoa whoa whoa. Define “make love”. If it’s till she cums, fine. If it’s till he cums, Bull. Shit. I once came 9 times in a 36-hour period (because you wanted to know that). Upon being asked to go for “one more”, I declined, with tears in my eyes. At that moment I would have fought off a naked Kate Beckinsale and Sienna Miller with a stick. No way, this dude is going 10 times a day, every day. Is Andrew employed? He would literally need to walk around all day with a rolling IV filled with whey protein, testosterone, Shark Fin soup and Vas Deferens lubrication.

“I know I’m lucky to have so many orgasms when there are women who have never had one. But the condition has ruined my love life,” she said.

Whaddya know. Women can complain about anything.

“I did worry that he would grow tired of me like everyone else, but when I told him he laughed and said he would burn me out first,” she said.

WTF. Has this guy evolved a gatling gun of penises or something? This story is nonsense.

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Women Orgasming = Bruce Willis in “Unbreakable”

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