At The Heart Attack Grill in Arizona, the more you weigh, the more you get. The kitschy medically-themed restaurant is now offering free meals to anyone weighing over 350 pounds.
That’s what the American Dream is all about right? Doing whatever it is you want because you’re an American! Who cares about resource and healthcare problems? Who cares about taxing the system for no better reason than “because I can”? I got an idea, how about anyone who qualifies for and eats a free meal here and who later gets “fatass” related problems (heart attacks, strokes, etc) has to go to a hospital where everyone just left for vacation. Jon Basso, you are a disgrace to rationality and a waste of (a lot of) space.
Something tells me that these kids won't outlive a dog.
It’s as if the world is dropping “No Shit!” studiesin my lap, begging me to comment. I’m almost waiting for a comprehensive 20-year study to be released stating, “Lava seems to be hot to touch.” Before scientists think up their next study, can they run it through the “obvious” test first because I’m pretty sure we knew that people who are obese at the age of 5 aren’t going to live very long.
Obesity in children may pave the way to an early grave, a new study in the New England Journal of Medicine finds. The study, published Wednesday, followed nearly 5,000 American Indian children from childhood to middle age and found that those who were obese as children were more than twice as likely to die from disease before the age of 55.
Who would have thought that lining your arteries with caulk before puberty would have an adverse effect on your long term health? I thought working out was good for your body! Apparently not so for red blood cells trying to squeeze through narrow openings. Weird.
This is the first large study to confirm that childhood obesity is a risk factor for long-term complications, though that is something experts have suspected for years.
Just the experts? I’m pretty sure lemurs had suspected it too.
Previously, research has only been able to show associations between early death and childhood obesity, said Dr. Nicholas Stettler, a pediatrician who specializes in nutrition and epidemiology at the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia. But this study is more powerful, he said, because it further confirms a direct relationship between childhood obesity and long-term health complications.
No, no. You should be confused at what you just read. Read it again to be even more confused. Early studies showed that childhood obesity was associated with early death but now we know that there is a direct relationship. Heart disease kills more of us than anything else. Most people are fat. Boom. Direct relationship.
This “associated” and “direct relationship” argument on this topic would be just as stupid as saying, “Until the invention of the microscope and the dawn of embryology, a man ejaculating inside a woman was only associated with pregnancy, it was not directly related.” WTF.
Believe me when I say that I would rather spend 8 months in a prison that sat at the discharge of a sewage plant than spend 8 months in this house. I guarantee. In fact, I’ll split it and double down.
When an ambulance brought Daniel Webb home from the hospital after he hurt his knee in March, paramedics warned the then 550-pound man he probably wouldn’t be able to get up from his recliner if they put him there, his wife said. Webb told them to leave him there anyway. He would sit in that recliner, slowly dying, for the next eight months. Finally, paramedics were called back to his Greenwood home on Wednesday because he was in a lot of pain.
What do you mean “sit there”? He must have gotten up to go to the bathroom and such, right?
Webb’s body was physically stuck to the power recliner and firefighters had to cut him from the chair to take him to the hospital. Not only did crews have to cut apart the chair, but they had to cut a hole in the wall of the couple’s mobile home.
I bet that was a pretty sight. Let me guess, the chair didn’t smell like a spring breeze.
His body covered with sores and a “very bad odor,” according to a police report. He slept and used the bathroom in his chair and his wife cleaned it every day.
Whoa whoa whoa. I know a logic statement when I see one, and this one fails. If man sits in seat and never gets up but still presumably has to shit, there is no way the wife can “clean” the chair everyday. Was she “cleaning” the shit that eventually oozed out of the crevices of the chair? Oh good God.
The former preacher would post sermons online from the chair, and it wasn’t long before he decided he was ready to go home to the Lord, she said.
I don’t know if the Lord builds houses to fit 800 pound people. You might need to check with the house rules. He’s got a lot of people up there. I wouldn’t be surprised if some areas of heaven looked like Brazilian favelas, by now. How is this guy gonna move around up there in a favela? Impossible.
In all seriousness, the saddest part of this whole thing is that they kept feeding this dude as he sat, molded to a chair, shitting himself, saying “It’s in God’s hands now.” How do you feel today honey? More tightly snug? Here, eat this! Maybe your growing body will squeeze more excrement out of the cushions so I can mop it up. Praise the Lord!
The animal kingdom is much more efficient at death than we are. We have no clue how to die.
I’m sure it’s not because of my incessant pleadings (However, my ego is hard to convince otherwise) but it seems as if your God has answered my prayers(aka, my bitching).
Social workers have moved to take into care a baby born to an obese mother.
Finally, some baby snatching we can all believe in!
The mother has already had the youngest of her six children, aged 3 and 4, removed from her care because social workers feared that they were at risk of becoming obese.
Read between the lines: “Social workers knew from their spherical shape and propensity to eat large handfuls of butter that they were already obese.”
The 40-year-old mother weighed 23 stone before falling pregnant.
How much is 23 stones, you ask? Well imagine building a rock wall, and now imagine you put 23 of those rocks in a very strong satchel. No lay on a bed, place that satchel on top of you and try to have sex with it. That’s what a 23 stone woman is like (322 pounds, btw).
The parents originally contacted social workers themselves to seek help with managing their children, one of whom has developmental problems. At that time they had a toddler who weighed 4 stone (56 lbs) and a 13-year-old boy who weighed more than 16 stone (224 lbs).
Need some help managing? Stop eating lard burgers dipped in cholesterol and wrapped in whale blubber for every meal? Christ! Thank you social services of Dundee, Scotland…thank you.
As the nation battles the obesity crisis, ambulance crews are trying to improve how they transport extremely heavy patients, who become significantly more difficult to move as they surpass 350 pounds. And caring for such patients is expensive, requiring costly equipment and extra workers, so some ambulance companies have started charging higher fees for especially overweight people.
Now I know some of you softies out there might disagree and everyone should be treated equal and blah blah blah, but get a load of this:
A panicked ambulance crew had a critically ill patient, but the man weighed more than 1,000 pounds and could not fit inside the vehicle. So they use a forklift to load the man — bed and all — onto a flatbed truck.
Notice that they didn’t have to explain what critical illness this half-ton human was stricken with. Because if you have to be carted and shipped around like a pallet of marble tiles, you are just “critically ill” 24/7, period.
“I’ve heard stories of people moved by U-Haul trucks and sides of mobile homes having to be removed to move patients out, things of that nature,” said Ted Sayer, a general manager for the American Medical Response unit. Before those ambulances had heavy-duty equipment, crews just had to make do, often calling in burly firefighters to help lift patients.
Folks in the South, put down the bacon-aise, please. You’re going to kill someone other than yourself because average humans have a hard time lifting something that weighs 1,000 pounds and we now need to call in the National Guard to lift your ass up. Oh how do I know it’s people in the south? Maybe you skipped over the words “mobile homes”.
Like many ambulance companies, Keller’s unit in Topeka recently spent about $10,000 to retrofit an ambulance with equipment that accommodates patients weighing up to 1,600 pounds (725 kilograms).
We now have equipment that can move someone weighing over THREE QUARTERS of a ton. Isn’t that a sign that it’s time for human extinction when we have people that weigh more than an adult polar bear? WTF.
Hang on a minute. Aren’t we overlooking something here?
Shouldn’t we be more worried that there are men out there ejaculating inside the vaginal canals of obese women, than we should be about the fact that obese women are on the pill? I’m confused.
Wait…1 out of 4 chicks are obese? My god! What the hell is going on here? Man, maybe avoiding ejaculating in an obese women’s vaginal canal might be harder than I thought. If I black out tonight and go home with a female, there is a 25% chance I end up being on the wrong side of a cellulite carpet bomb. That’s scary.
On second thought, I think they should stay on the pill. I black out too often for 25% to not come into play.
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