When American’s use their brains to think about innovation, amazing things usually happen. Something is invented, society progresses. Like whoever invented Second Life. But when people use their brains to share their opinions, that is when shit often goes haywire.
Nearly one in five people, or 18 percent, said they think Obama is Muslim, up from the 11 percent who said so in March 2009, according to a poll released Thursday.
“…who said so in March”. Who are these “people” and why do we care what they said in March or what they say now? The beauty of the Internet is that everyone has a voice. This is also the problem. The opinions of the uninformed, uneducated, the racist and the religiously brainwashed rise to the top. This is why we have 1 out of 5 people making moronic statements.
It’s like that commerical for theladders.com except in this scenario, the two guys playing tennis are educating themselves on issues and using logic to come to conclusions. The invading hoard are the brainwashed ones doing too much “thinking”.
If we’re polling about what we believe Obama believes in, why don’t we poll these same “people”, “Do you believe that extraterrestrials believe in extraterrestrial life away from their planet?” That’ll keep ‘em busy for a while.
If you can’t like a gay guy with a lisp verbally bitch smacking a dyke (I’m 75% sure, just by looking at her), who can you like, these days?
And seriously, enough with comparing Obama to Hitler. Everyone can’t be compared to Hitler, and we (the left) already compared GW to Hitler, so eff off “paranoid right”. Plus, our Hitler comparison for Bush was because he was marching around the planet on a holy war because of what he deemed was “our duty” based on the guidance he was receiving from a guy in the clouds. Hmmm. That’s way worse than the universal healthcare Hitler.
Side note: How many years have to go by until the Hitler mustache can be fashionable again? Or is that one of those “never again” things, like the “bowl cut”?
Everyday since 9/11, the American public has relied on a multicolored terror alert system to help us decide if we were going to put on flip flops or our shit stomping steel toes that day.
The five-tiered system that goes from green, which signals a low danger of attack, to red, which signals a severe threat of attack, has proven to be confusing at times, and critics say the different colors are too vague to deliver enough information to be useful.
Really? Flashing colors on a TV screen was too vague of a way of delivering information? How could that be? What were you gonna do, use words? I mean, sheesh!
President’s Assistant: Mr. President! We are under attack! What should we do?!
The president holds up a red highlighter.
President’ Assistant: Good idea!
That conversation is about as clear as watching Major League on TBS. (This is ACTUALLY how TBS edits the scene where the team decided that they need to win it all after finding out that the owner wants to move the team.)
Jake Taylor: I guess there’s only one thing left to do…(this next part omitted)…Win the whole…fuckin…thing.
Rest of Team: Yes!…Yeah man!
Wait, what? What they hell are they gonna do?! If you’ve never seen that movie, you’d be so confused watching it on TBS.
The United States hasn’t been attacked since 2001, and the system hasn’t changed since 2006 when a U.S.-bound terrorist plot was thwarted in Britain. At that time, the threat level for aviation was raised to red for flights from Britain.
What a great warning system! We were just almost attacked so that therefore made the “threat level” red. Wow. So advanced. This just in: A dog will turn its head in the direction of a noise too.
The New York Post reported today that going to college is now a shittier deal than those stripper car washes that never let you see the girls until you pay. Then you’re stuck there, on a filthy couch while girls that couldn’t even qualify for the day shift at the Des Moines Hooters are washing your car.
The Post says; The four-year college degree has come to cost too much and prove too little. It’s now a bad deal for the average student, family, employer, professor and taxpayer.
Great, our economy is shot, jobs are more scarce than finding anyone saying a bad word about the King of Pop and now we find out that it’s a smarter idea to just smoke weed, play Tiger Woods, and find some bullshit job at Kinko’s
A student who secures a degree is increasingly unlikely to make up its cost, despite higher pay, and the employer who requires a degree puts faith in a system whose standards are slipping.
Did you hear that Obama? Do you know what that noise was??? That was hope, dying a slow, ignorant death at the hands of overpriced education. Even Mexico is laughing at us for this.
Have some people lost their jobs? Surely. A few cars not getting sold? Ok. Not as many Wall Street hedge fund managers snorting coke off the nipples of strippers? I’ll give you that. But America, realize one important thing…you have it better than ANY other country on the planet.
When the president’ s dog has his own baseball card, I think that’s a pretty clear message that shit ain’t that bad. Wake me up when the Capitol Building is getting Molotov Cocktails thrown at it or people are being robbed with flame throwers for their Skittles.
I always thought baseball cards were reserved for…well, baseball players. Have we lost our collective minds?
So in case anyone outside of America was wondering how we’re dealing in “Thre Great Recession”…please don’t. We’re doing just fine. Well, except for:
Sorry but demand may be too great for Bo to provide personal paw-tographs.
If this doesn’t make you laugh so hard that you physically poop yourself a little bit, then it’s true what your friends say, your sense of humor sucks. Sorry for the lazy post but I’m in a pinch for time. I gotta go slug some bloody mary’s and shovel eggs benedict in my face at brunch. USA! USA!
Based on the headlines Jesus is on his way back and we’ll see him tomorrow (only now he has a faux-hawk).
Or maybe LeBron is deciding which team he’ll play for next year, or which group of 11 billion women he’ll inseminate first. Shit, I’ll bet on June 12th Obama picks Tony the Tiger as his running mate in 2012.
Or maybe television is changing from analog to digital. Yeah, maybe…. Are you kidding me? THAT’S IT!?! And this is news WHY!!??
This is great, I love this kind of shit. Louis Caldera should be recognized as a national hero after pulling this kind of stunt. Can you imagine the thought process?
Caldera: Well let’s see, it’s been about 8 years since 9/11, how about we shake thing up a bit in NY, give the people a little scare.
Official #2: Great idea Caldy, let’s start a big fire.
Caldera: No no official #2, something better, something more…reeeaaaaalllistic.
Official #2: Like “swine flu?
Caldera: No, let’s get an Osama Bin Laden impersonator, strap a jacket full of dynamite to him, and parade him around Times Square!
Official #2: Can’t do that, we have ’regulations’ against dynamite sir.
Caldera: Alright, then let’s fly a plane around New York really low and have some F 16’s and shit follow it!
Official #2: YES! AWESOME!
Calling this “felony stupidity” is an understatement. This is the kinda shit somebody should be hung for. Fuck firing Caldera, rape that man with a 2′4″. If I lived in New York I would start a picket line in front of this guys office complete with machine guns, tanks, flame throwers, etc. just waiting for this motherfucker to walk outside.
In a world full of non-qualified people popping kids out like they were edamame beans on one end, and killing their entire family and then themselves on the other, it seems as if the pertinent thing to write about is why everyone shouldn’t get a dog like the Obama’s.
But water dogs are not for everybody, and it would be sad to see people getting the dog without doing the proper research.
Really? Sad? Some guy just exectuted his whole family in Maryland and then blew his head off. THAT’S sad. I actually think it would be hysterical if a bunch of idiots get a dog that turned the inside of their house into Fallujah, just because a complete stranger that they have zero contact with got the same kind of dog.
Harding said she believes the first family will be successful with their new dog because “they have access to the best trainers, and they want to make this work.”
Successful? Outstanding insight Ms. Harding! How many endless nights of work did it take you to come up with that theory? He’s the friggin President of the United States! It’s not like this dog is going to have its rib cage jutting out and it’s hair all ratty rummaging through the grass, chasing rodents at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. The Obama’s could buy a pack of hyenas and the first family would be “successful” with them.
After the movie “101 Dalmatians” came out in 1996, “thousands of people rushed to get the dog, and thousands of dogs ended up in rescue kennels,” Teasley said.
Are the American people really this ridiculous? We sounds like a bunch of dogs chasing after a tennis ball. I wish the Obama’s bought a lemming. It would be more fitting.
All I’m going to say is THANK GOD somebody is finally thinking like a rational human being.
Sir, if you keep this up I’m going to place you in the same category as Tiger Woods and Brad Pitt, “Men I would probably go gay for because they’re the most awesome people ever.”
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