Posts tagged as:

murder

Grandma Gets Tired Of Being A Grandma

by Commodore on December 1, 2010

I'm confused too

In the words of Chris Rock, “Whatever happened to crazy?”. I think I found it.

Carmela Dela Rosa often cared for her granddaughter during the day and would carry her carefully in her arms. The happy, 2 1/2-year-old Angelyn Ogdoc would blow kisses to neighbors, her face framed by her striking long, dark hair. Police say Dela Rosa, 50, while walking with the family from the mall to a parking garage, suddenly grabbed the toddler and tossed her over the guardrail of a fifth-story walkway. Angelyn’s body crashed into the pavement 50 feet below, and she died hours later at Inova Fairfax Hospital.

Umm, what?

Police charged Dela Rosa with murder on Tuesday. When asked if the death could have been accidental, Officer Tawny Wright, a Fairfax County police spokeswoman, said that did not appear to be the case…Neighbors on Ellenwood Drive, just north of Route 50 in Fairfax, described Dela Rosa as a loving, warm caregiver to her granddaughter and as an involved member of the community.

I think I just saw Fox Mulder and Dana Scully arrive with the FBI to investigate this one because there can’t be a human reason for this. Maybe Dela Rosa is what the show “V” was based off of? I don’t know. I’m trying folks.

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This Guy Killed Over This: “-”

by Commodore on November 30, 2010

I agree, Hobbes

I’ve used this photo many a times on this site, mostly because there is no better photo to combat a story where someone goes bat-shit crazy over the smallest matter. And by bat-shit crazy I of course mean…

Less than two hours before he allegedly killed his pregnant girlfriend and her sister and took his own life, Joseph Cummings was in East Boston, talking excitedly about his unborn child with a convenience store manager. “Our investigation indicates there was an argument over the name of the baby she was carrying,’’ Steve O’Connell, spokesman for Essex District Attorney Jonathan Blodgett, said in a telephone interview yesterday. “She wanted to hyphenate the name, and he did not.’’

Whoa! This is some No Country For Old Men shit! This has to be the first time that a one-tenth of an inch straight line caused a double murder suicide. WTF!

Cummings shot Kimberly Nguyen, who was six months’ pregnant, Blodgett said. Her sister, Lilly J. Nguyen, 29, a 2006 graduate of Wesleyan College who was reportedly applying to medical schools, apparently heard the gunfire and jumped from a second-story window in another bedroom. As she lay on the lawn, Cummings fatally shot her from the window, then returned to the master bedroom and turned the gun on himself, Blodgett said.

I’m no therapist but I’m guessing that the hyphen wasn’t the only point of contention in this union. There may have been other relationship-based problems. Jesus Christ, this is a sad story; one in which I’m trying to find a moral. Hyphens are the devil’s tools? That’s all I got.

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Dexter – Catholic Priests…Catholic Priests – Dexter

by Commodore on November 24, 2010

John Fiala. He doesn't strange at all

Where’s Dexter when you need him?

A Catholic priest, facing criminal charges and a lawsuit alleging that he sexually abused a teenage boy, is now charged with attempting to hire someone to kill the youth. The Rev. John M. Fiala was in the Dallas County, Texas, jail on Tuesday, charged with one count of criminal solicitation to commit capital murder, according to the Texas Department of Public Safety and the jail’s website. He also is charged with two counts of aggravated sexual assault of a child. His bail totals $700,000.

When will the Catholic Church learn that it is a joke for not allowing priests to get married? It’s horrifically odd to not allow a man to do the 100% natural human thing of falling in love, getting married and having children with a woman especially when this man is supposed to be telling a community of people how they can better live their lives and serve God. So, who do you end up attracting to man the posts? You guessed it. Either repressed homosexuals or sick twisted child molesters (I could be generalizing. The results aren’t back yet.)

Thank God the leader of the Catholic Church just said that people can maybe sometimes rarely use condoms…if possible…but unsure. The Catholic Church everyone! Medieval Times every Sunday morning.

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Suicides Don’t Typically Look Like This

by Commodore on September 16, 2010

I'm confused

A guy hanging from a nuse? Suicide. A guy shooting himself in the head? Suicide. A guy getting marri- hehe. Seriously though, we all know police work in Los Angeles is a joke, but come on guys!

Officials say a dead body has been found in a men’s restroom at Los Angeles International Airport. Airport spokesman Albert Rodriguez says a cleaner found the body around 7:45 a.m. Wednesday in a restroom in Terminal 3. An official with knowledge of the investigation, who asked not to be named because the probe was ongoing, says the coroner’s office is looking at the death as a possible suicide. The official says the body was found with a bag on its head and its hands bound.

Huh?! Everything was moving along just fine until that last sentence. This has to be the least likely way to kill yourself right behind “strangling yourself with another man’s hands” and “putting a machete in your own back”. What would it take for the coronor to think this scene was murder? The man’s head lopped off with the samurai sword by his bounded body? Wtf.

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Who Ok’d This One?

by Commodore on March 30, 2010

That's arguable

You know those times when you watch a horrible commercial and you think to yourself, “Gosh, there was a boardroom of people who ok’d that. Was water served on chloroform rags during the meeting, or something?” This next story is kind of like that, except it wasn’t a commercial, it was real life.

Schoolchildren were left in tears after seeing one of their teachers shot down by a crazed gunman in the playground in a role-playing stunt organised by staff. Blackminster Middle School in Evesham, Worcs, faced condemnation from parents after their children were left traumatised by the mock shooting. The youngsters, aged between 10 and 13, thought they were taking part in a fire drill when an alarm bell rang and they were ushered out into the playground. But they were left in terror as a man appeared brandishing a gun and appeared to shoot dead Richard Kent, their science teacher, as he ran across a field.

Jesus Christ! Who ok’d this?! So we’ll have a crazed gunman come running onto the premises and pretend to blast away Mr. Kent. Sound good? This is the kind of this that should happen on the first day of Navy SEALS training, not a middle school fire drill. WTF!

Following a loud bang simulating a gunshot, other staff involved in the act rushed to the teacher’s aid and appeared to try to resuscitate him. There was a delay of 10 minutes before weeping pupils were taken back to the assembly hall where teachers explained that the pretend shooting had been laid on as part of a science lesson.

A science lesson. What class? CSI? I admit, a fake murder sure as shit beats a Bunson Burner, but there has to be some middle ground here, folks. Maybe a paper maiche volcano and some baking soda? That always gets a rise out of the students, murder free.

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Take That, Carrie Prejean!

by Commodore on February 24, 2010

Yup.

Carrie Prejean made some rumblings a few months back (that I’m sure I bitched about) when her hot little self said that gays shouldn’t be allowed to marry during a presidential deb- errr wait, no, it wasn’t that important of an arena. It was during a “pretty contest”, but whatever, that is not the point. The point is that someone in a less significant “pretty contest” said something much more firming and specific regarding her feelings towards homosexuals. So let’s talk about it.

23 year-old Miss Beverly Hills 2010 Lauren Ashley says, “The Bible says that marriage is between a man and a woman. In Leviticus it says: ‘If man lies with mankind as he would lie with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination. They shall surely be put to death and their blood shall be upon them.’ The Bible is pretty black and white. I feel like God himself created mankind and he loves everyone, and he has the best for everyone. If he says that having sex with someone of your same gender is going to bring death upon you, that’s a pretty stern warning, and he knows more than we do about life.”

Oh goody! Fox news thinks we should care about what a 23 year-old Beauty Queen from Beverly Hills thinks, since she represents a large demographic of the country. But honestly, is this for real? She is quoting the Old Testament for truths? That’s about as smart as asking a homeless man for his best fois gras recipe. And Leviticus of all books? You know what else Leviticus says?

Leviticus 20:9-10 God commands death for cursing out ones parents and death for adultery.
Leviticus 26:30 And ye shall eat the flesh of your sons, and the flesh of your daughters shill ye eat.
Leviticus 27:28-29 God ordered and allowed human sacrifices.

So since God knows more about life than us and has the best for everyone, we have to listen to ALL His stern warnings, right Lauren? And it looks like that means that if you’ve ever sworn at your parents (even under your breath, my sweet little angel! Don’t forget, sins are “by word, thought or deed”), they can kill you and then eat you and everything should be fine and dandy.

Yay God!

*Oh and Lauren, when you’re ready to have premarital sex, call me. I can guarantee your safety from God killing you for that sin. My relationship with Him is THAT good.

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Why You Shouldn’t Deal Crack

by Commodore on December 16, 2009

Don't be that guy

I’m sure a PSA announcement or two may have touched on the dangers involved with dealing crack, but I don’t think any of them touched upon the possibility that you might unload your AK-47 into some trick-or-treaters.

12-year-old T.J. Darrisaw was returning home from a Halloween party with his dad and brothers when they decided to do some trick-or-treating to end the night. But they made the mistake of stopping at the home of Quentin Patrick, a crack dealer gone paranoid after getting shot in a robbery 10 months before.

“Crack dealer gone paranoid” might be a more volatile situation than a nuclear reactor melting down.

Their Halloween masks, apparently freaked out Patrick’s girlfriend. She looked out the window and screamed that there were three large men in masks with a rope outside the door. Patrick grabbed his AK-47, which had been modified to fully automatic. He unloaded the entire magazine — 30 bullets in all — into the front of the house.

To say there was a breakdown in the logical progression of rational thought, would be an understatement. What kind of a crackhead girlfriend (this kind, I guess), looks out the window on Halloween, sees a 9 year-old, 11-year old, another kid and a dad (and a rope?)and assumes that these people are here to rob the house?

And what kind of a crack head (this kind, I guess), takes his cracked out girlfriend’s word as truth before seeing for himself, and unloading 30 rounds of an AK-47 “into the front of his house”? Talk about irritable! Sadly, the 11-year old died after he was hit 11 times. And because there is nothing like the U.S. legal system,

But in a strange twist, U.S. District Judge Matthew Perry agreed with defense lawyers that Quentin Patrick didn’t intend to kill the kid. Yesterday, he found the dealer guilty of voluntary manslaughter instead of murder. And he sentenced him to just 16 years, only months above minimum sentencing guidelines.

What was I saying earlier about the breakdown in the logical progression of rational thought? WTF!

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Representing BK To The Fullest

by Commodore on December 15, 2009

How dare you breathe my air?!

I live in Brooklyn. And while the likes of Biggie Smalls and Jay-Z remind me that I should always represent my borough to the best of my ability and making me never forget that we in Brooklyn are to “go hard”, this story might be taking ”repping” and “going hard” to new heights.

A Brooklyn social worker described as “the picture of health” was slain at his neighborhood gym in a feud over exercise equipment.

Are lat pulls downs so necessary at that moment in time? You couldn’t have done some Warrior 1 poses?

Douglas Smith, 50, was knifed and clobbered with a hammer by a pair of muscleheads who attacked him as he worked out at his East Flatbush health club.

Ok, maybe these guys aren’t into yoga. Clobbered? Good lord? When was the last time someone was clobbered with something resembling a hammer? Sometime during the Holy Roman Empire? WTF!

An argument between Smith, a bodybuilding buff standing more than 6 feet tall, and a younger, scrawnier club member preceded the fatal attack, witnesses said. Clubgoers said the dispute was over who claimed first dibs on a Nautilus elliptical machine. The club member quarreling with Smith summoned two pals to the gym for backup, witnesses said.

Wait. You’re a 6′0″ meathead and you need backup to attack a 50-year old man on a Nautilus machine? It gets worse…

Witnesses said Smith was exercising on the elliptical machine when the duo ambushed him from behind, stabbing him three times in the back and walloping him in the head with a hammer.

Fellas…FELLAS! Nothing is more insignificant than workout time on an elliptical machine. If I was making a picture dictionary and I needed an entry for “overreaction”, these guys would be it. Even Chris Brown would read this story and say, “Dude…”

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Field Trips? Come On, Guys

by Commodore on September 19, 2009

Oh boy.

Sipping my morning coffee on a Saturday morning is a time for me to reflect on the week that was. And it is also time for me to read some idiotic shit like this.

A legally insane killer was on the loose in the state of Washington on Saturday, two days after he escaped during a field trip to a county fair, authorities said.

Oh brother. That’s right, this murderous paranoid schizophrenic got to go on a field trip to a county fair. I’m all for not shackling crazy people to large pieces of lead and dumping them into the ocean but field trips might be a bit much the other way, no?

Paul was committed to Eastern State Hospital after admitting he strangled and slit the throat of community activist Ruth Motley in 1987, KREM-TV reported. According to court documents obtained by KREM, Paul believed Motley was a witch and killed her in response to voices in his head. He subsequently burned a deer carcass as a sacrifice, according the documents.

Yeah, why not give him some time to eat some cotton candy and try to win the big stuffed panda bear at the local fair? What could possibly go wrong with a psychotic killer at an event like that? But I know, I know. I’m being too harsh. These people have serious mental illnesses and they deserve to g-

“He’s the only paranoid schizophrenic — I’ve seen hundreds, maybe thousands of them — that frightened me,” Dr. Frank Hardy, a licensed psychiatrist, says in one of the documents, according to KREM. “The first time I took one look at him — and I’ve never done this before or since — I asked the jailer to remain in the room while I examined him.

Fantastic.

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I Love Tunnels

by Big Lou Al Timber on July 13, 2009

Indiana State Prison Guard

Now here’s the thing, we know Indiana is no Texas. Nobody is like Texas, we at BROWTF understand that and believe it full-heartedly. But then this type of shit happens and I get all flustered. I feel like the guy on the swim team with a boner getting ready to do the butterfly.

Three inmates escaped from a Maximum-Security Prison in Indiana on Sunday.

“It appears they escaped by traveling in tunnels under the prison grounds,” Schrader said Sunday. “This is a very unusual occurrence.”

Alright, a couple things….

1) What part of this suggests “maximum security?”

2) How unusual can this occurance really be?

I saw Shawshank, you saw Shawshank, just about every person I’ve ever met fucking LOVED that movie. I’m fairly certain roughly 97% of the country watched and loved it, hell it was nominated for 7 Oscars and 21 other film awards!!

I don’t think I have one friend that wouldn’t list it in their top-5 even! And if they did, I’d kick each one in the nuts.

So there you have it, 3 inmates, each deadly, on the run in Indiana and Michigan. All due to the ineptitude of some shitty prison guards and a tunnel. Sounds like a script in the making to me.