by Commodore on February 24, 2010
Yup.
Carrie Prejean made some rumblings a few months back (that I’m sure I bitched about) when her hot little self said that gays shouldn’t be allowed to marry during a presidential deb- errr wait, no, it wasn’t that important of an arena. It was during a “pretty contest”, but whatever, that is not the point. The point is that someone in a less significant “pretty contest” said something much more firming and specific regarding her feelings towards homosexuals. So let’s talk about it.
23 year-old Miss Beverly Hills 2010 Lauren Ashley says, “The Bible says that marriage is between a man and a woman. In Leviticus it says: ‘If man lies with mankind as he would lie with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination. They shall surely be put to death and their blood shall be upon them.’ The Bible is pretty black and white. I feel like God himself created mankind and he loves everyone, and he has the best for everyone. If he says that having sex with someone of your same gender is going to bring death upon you, that’s a pretty stern warning, and he knows more than we do about life.”
Oh goody! Fox news thinks we should care about what a 23 year-old Beauty Queen from Beverly Hills thinks, since she represents a large demographic of the country. But honestly, is this for real? She is quoting the Old Testament for truths? That’s about as smart as asking a homeless man for his best fois gras recipe. And Leviticus of all books? You know what else Leviticus says?
Leviticus 20:9-10 God commands death for cursing out ones parents and death for adultery.
Leviticus 26:30 And ye shall eat the flesh of your sons, and the flesh of your daughters shill ye eat.
Leviticus 27:28-29 God ordered and allowed human sacrifices.
So since God knows more about life than us and has the best for everyone, we have to listen to ALL His stern warnings, right Lauren? And it looks like that means that if you’ve ever sworn at your parents (even under your breath, my sweet little angel! Don’t forget, sins are “by word, thought or deed”), they can kill you and then eat you and everything should be fine and dandy.
Yay God!
*Oh and Lauren, when you’re ready to have premarital sex, call me. I can guarantee your safety from God killing you for that sin. My relationship with Him is THAT good.
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by Commodore on December 16, 2009
Don't be that guy
I’m sure a PSA announcement or two may have touched on the dangers involved with dealing crack, but I don’t think any of them touched upon the possibility that you might unload your AK-47 into some trick-or-treaters.
12-year-old T.J. Darrisaw was returning home from a Halloween party with his dad and brothers when they decided to do some trick-or-treating to end the night. But they made the mistake of stopping at the home of Quentin Patrick, a crack dealer gone paranoid after getting shot in a robbery 10 months before.
“Crack dealer gone paranoid” might be a more volatile situation than a nuclear reactor melting down.
Their Halloween masks, apparently freaked out Patrick’s girlfriend. She looked out the window and screamed that there were three large men in masks with a rope outside the door. Patrick grabbed his AK-47, which had been modified to fully automatic. He unloaded the entire magazine — 30 bullets in all — into the front of the house.
To say there was a breakdown in the logical progression of rational thought, would be an understatement. What kind of a crackhead girlfriend (this kind, I guess), looks out the window on Halloween, sees a 9 year-old, 11-year old, another kid and a dad (and a rope?)and assumes that these people are here to rob the house?
And what kind of a crack head (this kind, I guess), takes his cracked out girlfriend’s word as truth before seeing for himself, and unloading 30 rounds of an AK-47 “into the front of his house”? Talk about irritable! Sadly, the 11-year old died after he was hit 11 times. And because there is nothing like the U.S. legal system,
But in a strange twist, U.S. District Judge Matthew Perry agreed with defense lawyers that Quentin Patrick didn’t intend to kill the kid. Yesterday, he found the dealer guilty of voluntary manslaughter instead of murder. And he sentenced him to just 16 years, only months above minimum sentencing guidelines.
What was I saying earlier about the breakdown in the logical progression of rational thought? WTF!
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by Commodore on December 15, 2009
How dare you breathe my air?!
I live in Brooklyn. And while the likes of Biggie Smalls and Jay-Z remind me that I should always represent my borough to the best of my ability and making me never forget that we in Brooklyn are to “go hard”, this story might be taking ”repping” and “going hard” to new heights.
A Brooklyn social worker described as “the picture of health” was slain at his neighborhood gym in a feud over exercise equipment.
Are lat pulls downs so necessary at that moment in time? You couldn’t have done some Warrior 1 poses?
Douglas Smith, 50, was knifed and clobbered with a hammer by a pair of muscleheads who attacked him as he worked out at his East Flatbush health club.
Ok, maybe these guys aren’t into yoga. Clobbered? Good lord? When was the last time someone was clobbered with something resembling a hammer? Sometime during the Holy Roman Empire? WTF!
An argument between Smith, a bodybuilding buff standing more than 6 feet tall, and a younger, scrawnier club member preceded the fatal attack, witnesses said. Clubgoers said the dispute was over who claimed first dibs on a Nautilus elliptical machine. The club member quarreling with Smith summoned two pals to the gym for backup, witnesses said.
Wait. You’re a 6′0″ meathead and you need backup to attack a 50-year old man on a Nautilus machine? It gets worse…
Witnesses said Smith was exercising on the elliptical machine when the duo ambushed him from behind, stabbing him three times in the back and walloping him in the head with a hammer.
Fellas…FELLAS! Nothing is more insignificant than workout time on an elliptical machine. If I was making a picture dictionary and I needed an entry for “overreaction”, these guys would be it. Even Chris Brown would read this story and say, “Dude…”
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by Commodore on September 19, 2009
Oh boy.
Sipping my morning coffee on a Saturday morning is a time for me to reflect on the week that was. And it is also time for me to read some idiotic shit like this.
A legally insane killer was on the loose in the state of Washington on Saturday, two days after he escaped during a field trip to a county fair, authorities said.
Oh brother. That’s right, this murderous paranoid schizophrenic got to go on a field trip to a county fair. I’m all for not shackling crazy people to large pieces of lead and dumping them into the ocean but field trips might be a bit much the other way, no?
Paul was committed to Eastern State Hospital after admitting he strangled and slit the throat of community activist Ruth Motley in 1987, KREM-TV reported. According to court documents obtained by KREM, Paul believed Motley was a witch and killed her in response to voices in his head. He subsequently burned a deer carcass as a sacrifice, according the documents.
Yeah, why not give him some time to eat some cotton candy and try to win the big stuffed panda bear at the local fair? What could possibly go wrong with a psychotic killer at an event like that? But I know, I know. I’m being too harsh. These people have serious mental illnesses and they deserve to g-
“He’s the only paranoid schizophrenic — I’ve seen hundreds, maybe thousands of them — that frightened me,” Dr. Frank Hardy, a licensed psychiatrist, says in one of the documents, according to KREM. “The first time I took one look at him — and I’ve never done this before or since — I asked the jailer to remain in the room while I examined him.
Fantastic.
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by Big Lou Al Timber on July 13, 2009
Indiana State Prison Guard
Now here’s the thing, we know Indiana is no Texas. Nobody is like Texas, we at BROWTF understand that and believe it full-heartedly. But then this type of shit happens and I get all flustered. I feel like the guy on the swim team with a boner getting ready to do the butterfly.
Three inmates escaped from a Maximum-Security Prison in Indiana on Sunday.
“It appears they escaped by traveling in tunnels under the prison grounds,” Schrader said Sunday. “This is a very unusual occurrence.”
Alright, a couple things….
1) What part of this suggests “maximum security?”
2) How unusual can this occurance really be?
I saw Shawshank, you saw Shawshank, just about every person I’ve ever met fucking LOVED that movie. I’m fairly certain roughly 97% of the country watched and loved it, hell it was nominated for 7 Oscars and 21 other film awards!!
I don’t think I have one friend that wouldn’t list it in their top-5 even! And if they did, I’d kick each one in the nuts.
So there you have it, 3 inmates, each deadly, on the run in Indiana and Michigan. All due to the ineptitude of some shitty prison guards and a tunnel. Sounds like a script in the making to me.
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by Commodore on May 15, 2009
Loose lips sink necropheliacs
So you’re an 18- year-old boy and you just had sex? Broadcast that to all your friends from the mountain tops and receive your accolades! She was 13? Wellllll I would be careful who you share that information with because that could come back and bite y-You killed the 13 year old girl and fucked her until her body was cold? Yeah…you might want to keep that on the full DL. WTF!
According to testimony in Pacheco’s preliminary hearing, he told a friend he strangled Shannon “until her eyes rolled back in her head.” He then stabbed her in the throat multiple times to make sure she was dead.
Dude.
Pacheco may have tried moving it with a sled to better hide it and also debated putting in a barrel filled with soda and bleach in the hopes it would eat away at the body. He said he could smash the teeth and spread them over Colorado so police couldn’t identify the remains through dental records.
When I was 18, I had a party and some friends of mine brought beer over but we had no idea how we were going to cover up our deed until I came up with the grandest “fool proof” plan of all. To hide all evidence, we threw our bottles in the woods (Littering is totally illegal, by the way). We were so badass. My parents were never going to identify the glass remains…until they did. We apparently forgot to throw some of the bottles in the woods. Point is, I can totally relate to the 18 year-old mind of a murdering necropheliac.
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by Uncle Awesome on April 21, 2009
I love sangria and rainbows, life is good!
There a lot of ways to deter kids from joining gangs and committing murders. This might be the worst though.
“Killers given computer makeover to show how they will look after 30 years in prison to stop others from joining gangs”
This is the best idea they came up with???? WTF? The guy on the left looks like Red from Shawshank Redemption. He’s got a mysterious Mona Lisa smile that makes me want to be just like this guy! This is like taking a picture of the coolest guy in school with a cigarette and saying “kids don’t smoke unless you want to be more popular than Teenwolf”
You want to scare kids from joining gangs and murdering people? How bout this as your new slogan; “If you murder someone, you will go to jail, AND GET RAPED, OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN.” To really drive the point home show kids the movie Deliverance, and as soon as Ned Beatty is being told to squeal like a pig and then raped, flash a picture of the biggest black cock you can find, and watch those kids head straight to church.
To sum up: Becoming a friendly aged black man, not so scary. Being raped by Mandingo until you bleed out, scary.
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by Big Lou Al Timber on April 14, 2009
What do you call THIS Mr. God?
It’s bad enough that this wretched bag of ass kidnapped, raped with an instrument, and then killed Sandra Cantu. And it’s even worse that she stuffed her 8 year old body into a suitcase and threw it into a pond. But here’s the kicker, here’s where the story gets really juicy: Bitch teaches Sunday School and her Grandpa was a Pastor.
WTF ?
Please tell me you didn’t prey on little boys and girls at Sunday School, because I think that might be sacreligious or something. I’m no bible thumper, but didn’t God leave out “rape with an instrument” from his list of things to do, a lot? And stuffing a suitcase with a dead kid? Which day was that? Like right after the flood and before God killed the dinosaurs right?
At least she can ask for forgiveness and probably get it. Right before they send 1 billion volts of hell through her body. See you in heaven Huckaby.
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by Commodore on February 17, 2009
It’s probably not a help to the Muslim cause when a man in charge of running a TV station aimed at quelling Islamic stereotypes, beheads his wife. Tisk tisk tisk.
My real WTF moment isn’t with the beheading though, because in this crazy world, getting your head lopped off isn’t enough to shock people. What really shocks people (at least me) is that this guy is charged with 2nd degree murder. Not 1st? This didn’t seem premeditated? I think a general rule of thumb should be that if you sever the head off of someone’s body, it means you’ve thought about doing that before. Firing a gun in a passionate rage? Fine. 2nd degree murder. Some guy stabbing another guy because he talked to his girlfriend on the subway. Cool. 2nd degree heat.
Decapitating your wife and leaving her body (without the head nearby, it seems) at the TV station you run, and then immediately going to the police station to confess, sounds like a guy who was pretty sure about the consequences of cutting his wife’s head off. How is this NOT 1st degree murder? Did he need to construct a guillotine and set it up in his office for this to be premeditated? WTF!
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