by Commodore on February 17, 2010
hmmmmm
As much as technology has allowed us to make breakthroughs in scientific discovery, it’s main purpose is to make us lazy and to cause the cessation of brain use in humans. More specifically, technology has stopped people from walking (remote controls), conversing over a disagreed fact (google), and thinking (this lady).
A Massachusetts woman was lucky her cell phone caught a weak single for a minute or two Monday night when her compact car got stuck in a ditch after her GPS led her astray onto a snowmobile trail.
And we blame the GPS, not the person. Isn’t there an unwritten winter rule: “He who drives onto a snowmobile trail in something other than a snowmobile, is an imbecile?”
Lori Corderro’s GPS in her Toyota Yaris took her home through Brownfield, and was likely taking her to Interstate 95 via southern Oxford County at about 5 p.m. However, the system took the unfamiliar driver on Windsor Road, off Potato Hill Road. The road goes a short distance before becoming a snowmobile trail. “If you don’t exclude ‘dirt road,’ then the GPS will pick up the (worst) roads,” Deputy William Nelson said. Continuuing, “Typing the location into the GPS system and asking it to calculate the shortest distance leads unknowing travelers onto Patch Mountain Road, a discontinued road used by snowmobiles.”
Who on earth uses “shortest distance” when using GPS in their Toyota Yaris? Shouldn’t it always be “shortest time”? You should only be using “shortest distance” if you are a crow or are driving an Abrams tank. There are impediments on the ground that force us to circumvent them. Yes, the shortest distance between me and that tree is a straight line, but there is a prison in the way. My guess is that I should refrain from bowling through that barbed wire fence, and instead, go around.
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by Commodore on November 28, 2009
A $1 Million Bill! Proof!
It used to be that if you saw Jesus’ face on tree bark or a muffin or whatever, you’d have to show the world a picture before 17 news vans and thousands of people would come flock to you. Apparently, these days you can just state that you saw the bearded one on something and it’s good enough to be on the news.
A Massachusetts woman who recently separated from her husband and had her hours cut at work says an image of Jesus Christ she sees on her iron has reassured her that “life is going to be good.”
The 1.2 billion real people around the world who live on less than a $1 a day would also like to let her know that her life is still quite good, indeed.
The 44-year-old Mary Jo Coady was raised Catholic. She and her two college-age daughters agree that the image looks like Jesus and is proof that “he’s listening.”
Proof. What an interesting word. Thank goodness the 2 college-age daughters were there to add validity to the truthful hypothesis. Religious fanatics have no problem using the word proof when dirty residue resembles the image of someone they’ve never seen. But God forbid you provide them with a surplus of actual scientific information proving to them the age of the earth or the fact of evolution, and suddenly that kind of “proof” holds no water.
How this idiotic happening in Massachusetts was reported in a San Francisco paper is staggering and embarrassing on all accounts. I should call them up and tell them that I don’t remember my dreams from last night and it’s a sign that Jesus is not listening.
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by Big Lou Al Timber on July 29, 2009
Let's talk about this...
There’s a lot of important shit going on in the world right now. The US Economy is stepping back from the edge of a cliff, the Middle East is in shambles, Michael Vick is out of jail and just bought a few new pit bulls. But what we really should be talking about is this:
“The upcoming White House meeting with Henry Louis Gates, Jr., and the Cambridge police officer who arrested him earlier this month appears to have touched off a fresh debate all on its own: what kind of beer should be served?”
Yeah, what beer should these two schmucks drink with POB (this is my new nickname for President Obama. Makes sense and sounds fucking awesome.)
After it was announced that POB would throw a few BL’s back, the police officer a Blue Moon, and the Professor of Needing to Chill the Fuck Out some Red Stripes, Massachusetts was up in arms.
Oh good. And I give a shit why….
“But one Massachusetts congressman thinks another beer entirely should be served: Boston’s own Sam Adams. In a letter to Obama dated Wednesday, Massachusetts Rep. Richard Neal strongly urges the president not to drink Budweiser, now owned by a Belgian company. Nor should the White House consider serving Miller or Coors, Neal writes, both owned by a United Kingdom conglomerate.”
Hey Dick, here’s a letter from me to you:
Dear Rep. Dick Neal:
SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GO DO SOMETHING PRODUCTIVE!
Respectfully,
Big Lou Al Timber
We all know Sam Adams basically tastes like piss, and I’d rather have a Blue Moon or Bud Light anyday. As for Red Stripe? Well I’d shit on that decision but then I might have a raging Professor threatening me and calling me racist. And who needs that? WTF!
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