male

Yummy

In my continuous quest to bring to you stories that hammer in an overkill amount of nails into the already sealed we-are-bored-out-of-our-minds-as-a-species coffin, I thought that this story used a sledge hammer.

Swedish father Ragnar Bengtsson, 26, has entered into an experiment that he hopes will help him breastfeed his future children.

An experiment?  Mixing cesium with water is an experiment.  Having your child suck your male nipples in the hopes of having milk come out of them is no more an experiment than claiming that you can change hydrogen into lead if you wished for it really really hard.

Bengtsson is preparing to pump his breasts at three-hour intervals every day until the beginning of December.

Somewhere, 3.5 billion years of evolution is shaking its head.

“If it works and the milk turns out to have a high nutritional value it could be a real breakthrough,” he said.

And so could growing another penis out of the middle of your back but that doesn’t mean that this breakthrough is realistic.  Why don’t you do the Chinese Water torture test on your taint and see if the water burrows out a vagina for you?

But your boy Ragnar isn’t the only person that will blow your mind in this article…

Sigbritt Werner, professor of endocrinology at Karolinska Institute in Stockholm, said, “Men often have trouble finding things. And if the mother is out, the child is screaming and they can’t find the pacifier I’m sure there are a lot of men who give their baby their breasts.”

Hold on, what?!?  Sigbritt, what kind of a ridiculous deduction is that?  You theorize that men have trouble finding things, so consequently a good number of us shove our pecs into our baby’s face to give them something to suckle on?!

That makes about as much sense as me saying…Women often have trouble finding things, so if their husbands are out with the extra pair of car keys and they can’t kind their own pair, I’m sure there are a lot of women who commandeer the first car they see moving on the street.

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