Lieberman

Hmm. Which one is it?

Everyday since 9/11, the American public has relied on a multicolored terror alert system to help us decide if we were going to put on flip flops or our shit stomping steel toes that day. 

The five-tiered system that goes from green, which signals a low danger of attack, to red, which signals a severe threat of attack, has proven to be confusing at times, and critics say the different colors are too vague to deliver enough information to be useful.

Really?  Flashing colors on a TV screen was too vague of a way of delivering information?  How could that be?  What were you gonna do, use words?  I mean, sheesh! 

President’s Assistant: Mr. President!  We are under attack!  What should we do?!

The president holds up a red highlighter.

President’ Assistant: Good idea!

That conversation is about as clear as watching Major League on TBS.  (This is ACTUALLY how TBS edits the scene where the team decided that they need to win it all after finding out that the owner wants to move the team.)

Jake Taylor: I guess there’s only one thing left to do…(this next part omitted)…Win the whole…fuckin…thing.

Rest of Team: Yes!…Yeah man!

Wait, what?  What they hell are they gonna do?!  If you’ve never seen that movie, you’d be so confused watching it on TBS. 

The United States hasn’t been attacked since 2001, and the system hasn’t changed since 2006 when a U.S.-bound terrorist plot was thwarted in Britain. At that time, the threat level for aviation was raised to red for flights from Britain.

What a great warning system!  We were just almost attacked so that therefore made the “threat level” red.  Wow.  So advanced.  This just in: A dog will turn its head in the direction of a noise too. 

We’re so retarded.

Powered by Bookmarkify™