Why is a question about Jesus Christ in a poll about the future, anyway? Can we stick with reality, facts and plausible solutions to the world’s problems? No God upon high is going to come down from the sky and solve our problems. Read the Old Testament. He does not appreciate disrespect for fellow man or the earth we live on. Frankly, he’d probably rather see us rot, than come save us. And yet…
More than 40 per cent of Americans believe Jesus Christ will return to Earth by 2050, according to a poll.
Forty percent?! I’m speechless. What is the purpose of this poll? Why are we giving average people – with no basis of expertise on particular subjects – the chance to voice their opinions. For instance,
By mid century, 66% say artificial limbs will work better than real ones.
What?!? Who cares what these people think?! It’s inconsequential. It would be like asking what the color of the next nebula that NASA discovers will be. Where do these people get their information? How about we ask doctors and material scientists this question and take the microphone away from the fat guy wolfing down hotdogs.
31 per cent expect the planet will be struck by an asteroid
You hear that, space rocks? Americans fucking expect it. Don’t let us down.
It’s funny how conservative right wingers effortlessly cast aside years of scientific research (on any topic), and the media doesn’t make a noise about it. But when this kid “sees” an image of a guy:
a) he’s never met and
b) that there are zero photos of
The media takes their thousands of dollars of equipment to interview this idiot family, pay staff to edit the footage, and then beam that footage to satellites so that it can be shared with me and you.
Austin Coleman says he found Jesus on his thumbprint. He says he put the thumbprint on a piece paper for a school science project then stepped back and noticed the resemblance. He admits, “I got a little freaked out.” His mom, Kendall Coleman, adds, “I didn’t believe him at first.” She called 3TV to share their story.
That’s the story? No scientific method? No carbon dating needed? No fossils? No research? No peer review? He just “said he found it” and his mom “didn’t believe him at first”? Yeah, because she’s the world’s first hand mind on images of the Messiah. Look at that picture! Pause the video! Loop? Jesus? What the hell am I supposed to be seeing? It looks like “Jesus” and “Loop” are pointing to the same thing. I guess if something has curved lines in it and someone says that it looks like someone they’ve never met, we have to take their word as gold that it is that person and share it with the world. WTF.
It used to be that if you saw Jesus’ face on tree bark or a muffin or whatever, you’d have to show the world a picture before 17 news vans and thousands of people would come flock to you. Apparently, these days you can just state that you saw the bearded one on something and it’s good enough to be on the news.
A Massachusetts woman who recently separated from her husband and had her hours cut at work says an image of Jesus Christ she sees on her iron has reassured her that “life is going to be good.”
The 1.2 billion real people around the world who live on less than a $1 a day would also like to let her know that her life is still quite good, indeed.
The 44-year-old Mary Jo Coady was raised Catholic. She and her two college-age daughters agree that the image looks like Jesus and is proof that “he’s listening.”
Proof. What an interesting word. Thank goodness the 2 college-age daughters were there to add validity to the truthful hypothesis. Religious fanatics have no problem using the word proof when dirty residue resembles the image of someone they’ve never seen. But God forbid you provide them with a surplus of actual scientific information proving to them the age of the earth or the fact of evolution, and suddenly that kind of “proof” holds no water.
How this idiotic happening in Massachusetts was reported in a San Francisco paper is staggering and embarrassing on all accounts. I should call them up and tell them that I don’t remember my dreams from last night and it’s a sign that Jesus is not listening.
A Stockton family says the image of Michael Jackson appeared on his tree stump the day the King of Pop died.
Please, please, please Mr. Asteroid, put us out of our misery.
First of all, have you ever been to Stockton, CA? Not exactly the IQ Capital of America. Secondly, how in the fuck do you see an image of Michael Jackson in that photo above?!?!?!?! I just took six hits of LSD and still, all I see is the stump of what used to be a branch. That’s it.
Many people in the crowd who gathered to look at the stump Sunday afternoon saw the resemblance, but why would Michael Jackson appear instead of a religious figure — or even any of the other celebrities who recently passed away? “Because Michael Jackson was an icon to us,” said one neighbor. “To Stockton, Michael Jackson meant more to us than Jesus, to some people. I think they’re both about even.”
Oh pretty please Mr. Asteroid! Make it swift!
To Stockton? To some people? Make up your mind “some neighbor”. Michael Jackson and Jesus were even? Nice. No wonder Stockton is a God forsaken place. Hey Andrew Luria, are you interviewing homeless guys chewing on sand and sniffing heroin? Come on, guy.
Some say it looks more like the Scarecrow, and some say it looks like Jesus.
Oh for fuck’s sake, people!
Mr. Asteroid. I will blow you if it gets you here quicker. Please come put an end to our collective uselessness.
Based on the headlines Jesus is on his way back and we’ll see him tomorrow (only now he has a faux-hawk).
Or maybe LeBron is deciding which team he’ll play for next year, or which group of 11 billion women he’ll inseminate first. Shit, I’ll bet on June 12th Obama picks Tony the Tiger as his running mate in 2012.
Or maybe television is changing from analog to digital. Yeah, maybe…. Are you kidding me? THAT’S IT!?! And this is news WHY!!??
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