Posts tagged as:

Japan

I Challenge You To Find A More Ridiculous Car

by Commodore on November 16, 2010

Dude

The Japanese have long been known to be pretty innovative when it comes to technology, pretty strange when it comes to animated porn and pretty over the top when it comes to tweaking out their cars. But this is new heights, even for our bretheren across the Pacific.

Since Japan is the land of rice rockets, I don’t know what constitutes “street legal” over there but there’s no way this thing can be allowed on motorways. If you allow this thing on city streets, then you have to allow aflamed party floats to whip around.

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The Virtual Girlfriend vs. The Real Girlfriend

by Commodore on September 1, 2010

Choose wisely

The Japanese have always been lauded for their technical prowess, their ingenuity and their downright sick and twisted sexual minds. From the country that brought you animation porn and blowup dolls (I’m sure they did), they now bring you a chance to go on vacation with your video game girlfriend.

In the first month of the city’s promotional campaign launched July 10, more than 1,500 male fans of the Japanese dating-simulation game LovePlus+ have flocked to Atami for a romantic date with their videogame character girlfriends. The men are real. The girls are cartoon characters on a screen. The trips are actual, can be expensive and aim to re-create the virtual weekend outing featured in the game, played on Nintendo Co.’s DS videogame system.

Still confused? Me too. If they created some sort of real life clone of my virtual girlfirend in a lab, then hell yes! But wtf is going on here in Japan? Can’t they just masturbate to online porn like the rest of us?

At the real Hotel Ohnoya, which opened its doors in 1937, the staff is trained to check in Love Plus+ customers as couples even if there is only one actual guest. Says Atsurou Ohno, the hotel’s managing director, “We try not to ask too many questions because we want them to be able to remain immersed in that game world.” Some devoted fans will go so far as to pay twice the rate—most hotels in Japan charge per guest not per room—to indulge the fantasy that they are not there alone.

Dude.

In his first visit to the real-life Atami, Love Plus+ gamer Shunsuke Kato planned to walk around the city and see the sights familiar to him from playing the game. One small hitch: his girlfriend, Manaka, was giving him the silent treatment. She was upset that he had been so busy at work that he had been playing the game only 10 minutes a day. “On days off, I spend one to two hours with her.”

This guy gave his real name? Nice thinking Shunsuke. Real-life chicks made up of cells and tissue are not exactly swept off their feet by a guy trying to win a vacation for himself and his Nintendo. Sadly, I can see this fad coming to the States any minute now.

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Artificial Rectum, Coming Right Up!

by Commodore on October 22, 2009

That's not gonna cut it. I have a fake ass.

Here’s something you don’t read everyday.

A man is claiming a hospital misdiagnosed him with rectal cancer and then “unnecessarily gave him an artificial rectum,” Agence France-Presse reported.

Artificial rectum? I didn’t even know there was such a thing. Who knew? Sometimes you recieve things that are unnecessary and it ends up being ok. Like, receiving a tip from a woman for just doing your job, or receving a blow job for tipping your hat at a woman.

Unecessarily being furnished with an artifical rectum is not like either of those 2 things.

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Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit (In Your Face)

by Uncle Awesome on August 17, 2009

Literally!!!

Tatsuya Moriguchi, a 39-year-old construction worker has been arrested for throwing his own feces at women passers-by from a motorcycle in two separate attacks in western Japan, police said today.

I’m sorry, what???

“The suspect has told investigators he did it because he felt frustrated when his work didn’t go well.”

Oh, of course! When work gets me a little down there is nothing I like to do more than shit in my hand, hop on my moped and head down the mean NYC streets throwing my feces at women between the ages of 4-9 (I have a few problems).

The man turned himself in yesterday after making the second drive-by attack in Settsu, a satellite city near Osaka, and was detained on suspicion of assault.

Few questions here:

1. Why turn yourself in? You have clearly made what some might say is a pretty significant break with reality, no need to muddle it with a moral revelation.

2. On suspicion of assault, really? What does it take to be guilty of assault, you have a guy who admits to throwing shit at women’s faces, I think that’s pretty much ballgame, no?

I wonder if this offends R. Kelly? Do you think he’s lying back thinking “Man, I remember the good ole days when you could just piss all over a bitch, warmer than the chicken noodle soup that was sitting in her Miley Cyrus lunch box thermos.”

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I Don’t Think God Likes Us

by Commodore on June 11, 2009

Smart Move

Rain is a “meteorological phenomenon”. This is way beyond that. Let’s make something clear here. Tadpoles should never fall from the sky. Rarely is not ok either, it should be “never”. Just like, if I were to throw a midget out of a window, there should be a 0% chance that he would fall up.

Residents, officials and scientists have been baffled by the apparent downpour of tadpoles in central Japan’s Ishikawa Prefecture.

Oh no hey guys…(whistle whistle). Over here. Yes me, the guy with his hand up. I too, am baffled…for the record.

WTF.

The raining down of small creatures such as frogs and fish is a rare meteorological phenomenon that is reported from time to time across the world.

I wonder if this is more or less rare than someone watching a movie with Chris Klein in it and saying afterwards to their friend, “You know what? Chris Klein really stole the show.”

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Bitch Throws a Sidearm Knuckleball? What?

by Big Lou Al Timber on March 27, 2009

That's a fastball, not a knuckler.

I can’t tell if this is cool, ridiculous, sexy, or fucking scary. You tell me. Eri Yoshida throws a sidearm knuckleball and she made her professional baseball debut Friday, stricking out some poor motherfucker.

Would you hit that? Obviously I’m talking about the knuckler. I’d hit it. This bitch wouldn’t last a second in my over-grown athletes non-competitive softball league. She’d be blowing more dudes behind the scoreboard than she’d be striking out.

Her idol is Tim fucking Wakefield for crying out loud. Get a grip Japan, hit the dame ball. And if you can’t, at least make her pitch in a sports bra and G string.