by Commodore on January 11, 2011
This guy is the real Neo
Snot and mucous usually comes out of my nose when I sneeze. Or sometimes food when I sneeze mid chew. But never a bullet, that I can say.
An Italian man who was shot in the head by a stray bullet during New Year’s Eve celebrations is recovering after sneezing it out through his nose. Darco Sangermano, 28, was hit in the temple by the .22 calibre bullet while wandering with his girlfriend through Naples, reports the Daily Telegraph. The bullet went through the right side of his head, behind his eye socket and lodged in his nasal passage but incredibly did no serious damage. He was taken to hospital in an ambulance but while waiting to be seen by doctors he sneezed and the bullet shot out of his right nostril.
I would have paid money to have heard the dead silence that undoubtedly filled the room after this guy sneezes a bullet out of his nose shortly after being shot in the temple. I’m surprised this guy didn’t just get up and tell people, “Free. Your. Mind.” and then walk out of the hospital with nothing but a tissue.
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by Commodore on September 24, 2010
The woman in blue represents sanity. The carboard represents the Sandercocks.
Ok, before you start accusing me of being Hitler, I am only trying to voice my inner Malthus and H.G. Wells. That inner voice who likes to creep out every now and then when I read stories like this.
A jobless couple today, Wayne and Jenna Sandercock, demanded a bigger council house for their family of six children – all named after celebrities, soap characters and rappers. Unemployed Wayne and Jenna Sandercock say it is ‘outrageous’ that their local authority won’t give them a bigger home for their brood.
No this is not the tagline of a new sitcom with Will Arnett and Sarah Silverman, although that would be a hilarious show. The Sandercock’s named their children: Wayne (named after Lil’ Wayne), Shakur (named after, um I don’t remember who this was named after), Italy (named after Master P’s daughter. Are you fucking kidding me?!), and the twins Roni and Roxi (named after the characters on the British show “EastEnders”).
‘At the moment the babies sleep in my room in travel cots because that’s all that will fit in there. I have to climb over my bed to get to them, it’s ridiculous. The other kids all share a bedroom together and Shakur is seven now so she shouldn’t really be sharing a bedroom with boys. A friend of mine waited eight years before she got a bigger house – if we have to wait that long I’ll go mad. It is outrageous.’
That’s right mom, just share with us what you think is outrageous. We’re listening and not judging. As for the father? It looks like he has the brain power of a socket wrench:
‘I watched a documentary about Richard Pryor and thought Rain was such a pretty name. We desperately need a bigger house but the council haven’t given us one.’
Nice segue, dude. This guy should be a journalist for ADD-TV.
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by Commodore on July 24, 2009
I have my work cut out for me.
I used to think that as you got older, the idea of having sex with people would just diminsh to the level it was when you were five, i.e. Girls have cooties and they are gross. Apparently that’s not the case…in Italy at least. But to be fair, the Italians invented sex so this might be skewed a little.
A tape of a sexually explicit conversation purported to be between Silvio Berlusconi and a call girl has been released. The recordings were made by Patrizia D’Addario, 42, a high class escort girl, after she spent the night at 72-year-old Italian prime minister’s official residence following a party.
Ok, ok, wait a minute! So a 72-year-old man had some playful banter with a younger lady. What’s the big deal? The dude has to be charming as hell, I mean he IS the Prime Minister of Italy, and in the sexual hierarchy of all men, that is right after Dos Equis’ Most Interesting Man in the World and just ahead of Ghengis Khan. Not bad.
The transcript included this purported exchange:
PD: A young man would have come in a second. I mean he would have come… Young men usually have a lot of pressure.
SB: But if you will you allow me… (muffled) I believe it is a family thing.
PD: What?
SB: Having an orgasm.
PD: You know how long it has been since I had sex like I had with you tonight. It’s several months, since I broke with my boyfriend. Is this normal?
SB: May I? You should have sex with yourself. You should touch yourself often.
Jeez. Because these are Italians and they do things in bed I don’t even understand, I had to check back at the top to figure out who was who in the conversation. I could have believed it either way.
But listen here Ms. D’Addario, we “young guys” cum quickly because we still have nerve endings on the end of our penis. We haven’t spent our entire adult life basking in vagina, boring out (yes, that kind of boring) women with the alarming frequency as I imagine someone set to be a Prime Minister would. His dick probably has as much feeling left in it as a paraplegic’s toe. Cut us some slack here!
And you, Mr. Berlusconi….well you just go on with your bad self. We here in the States are still stuck on the whole Puritan ‘family values’ thing. Sad, I know. We’re working on it though.
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