How is this guy allowed on TV? Aren’t there rules to letting mentally challenged people report the news on TV? Shouldn’t his parents have to be on set during filming or something? It’s not fair that the earth keeps throwing difficult things at Rick, such as earthquakes, tsunamis and volcanic eruptions of which he has as much common sense knowledge of as any of us do of things going on in parallel universes. Afterall, he did ask a scientist, “9 meters is how much in English?”
Rick, you are an embarrassment to not only your news organization but to your country and to your species as a whole. You only think of volcanoes in places like Hawaii because YOU are a jackass. Don’t lump “us” in with your Homo-Erectus-of-a-brain’s thought process. If first graders said something as dumb as what Rick Sanchez was saying, they would get expelled from school. WTF.
The only reason anyone originally gave a shit about you is because you are a MILF from Alaska. We hadn’t seen that porn scenario yet. Then you started talking. Now, nobody cares. But you’re still talking. Please stop.
The end.
Ok, that was my letter but seriously, WTF is this:
“By the way, Hollywood needs to know: We eat, therefore we hunt.”
This was in response to an Ashley Judd commercial that had a wee problem with hunting wolves with assault rifles from helicopters. I knew Alaska was bum fuck but I didn’t know they ate wolves. I don’t think Cro-Magnon men ate wolves. It was too uncivilized for them.
“Some still are choosing not to hear why I’m charting a new course to advance this state,” she said, adding that “it should be so obvious to you. It is because I love Alaska this much, sir, that I feel that it is my duty to avoid the unproductive, typical, politics-as-usual, lame-duck session in one’s last year in office.”
So, you’re quitting. I should use the Palin Theory in bed. “Listen, the reason why I feel the need to run out of here 3 seconds after cumming is because I love you so much, sweety, that I feel that it is my duty to avoid the unproductive, typical, boredom-as-usual, lame-ass Talk & Cuddle session in one’s last minutes awake.”
Before addressing the crowd in a park with an ersatz frontier main street and encircled by a choo-choo train that was once called “Alaskaland,” Palin spent hours under a tent serving hot dogs and greeting admirers.
This sounds like a Tim Burton movie. What the hell exactly goes on in Alaska?
Two Texans holding up pro-Palin signs said they drove on Harley-Davidsons some 4,000 miles north from the Ft. Worth area to check out Alaska and see the woman they want to be the next president.
[(2Fort Worth + Harleys)4000] x Sarah Palin 4 President = Hilarity.
(FYI, Sarah if you’re reading this, don’t let my teasing let you think that I wouldn’t love banging you. That is so not the case. Just wanted to be sure I’m clear. We could always do it when your husband was out snowmobiling for caribou carcasses that he mowed down with a gatling gun. K, thanks.)
Groundbreaking. Finally we get the ultimate breakthrough we’ve all been waiting for ever since that Air France flight plunged into the ocean off the coast of Brazil:
“At least some of the bodies recovered from the Air France crash this month had broken bones, Brazilian authorities have told French investigators…”
Wait wait wait, so you mean to tell me that when this plane crashed into the ocean after dropping 35,000 feet, some of the passengers broke bones? 35,000 feet. Crash….are you serious?
If you dropped me off of a 7 foot wall I’d probably break a bone. In fact, I know people that broke bones and they didn’t even crash into anything! Imagine that!
Who hires the people that comprise the “Brazilian authority?” I’d really like to know because I have a couple of acquaintances that didn’t graduate 8th grade and would NEVER get a GED that could probably use a solid job.
“Paul-Louis Arslanian, director of the Bureau d’Enquetes et d’Analyses, the French accident investigation board, said Thursday that Brazilian medical examiners had given that information to his agency.”
I’ll bet his response, translated into “American” was probably: “sweet, thanks…”
The stupidity of this invention would be off the charts of any stupidity graph you could create. A horse’s leg is able to support the weight of a horse and propel itself forward. We know that. End of story. We are not a horse, therefore we don’t have the anatomy of a horse. What the fuck is this woman doing? How is this a productive use of someone’s time? Isn’t our unemployment rate at like 78% and somehow someone has the time and money to make fake horse legs for humans?! WTF!
I think I’m going to attach a tissue-y blob the size of a Volkswagon Beetle to my pelvic region and try to walk around so we can know what it would be like to have the penis of a blue whale. Wouldn’t that be educational?
A video of a welded a manhole cover on someone’s head explaining what it’s like to be the support for a manhole cover wouldn’t be anymore incomprehensive than this horse leg video.
Our species is due for a “thinning out” any day now, I’d say.
This is great, I love this kind of shit. Louis Caldera should be recognized as a national hero after pulling this kind of stunt. Can you imagine the thought process?
Caldera: Well let’s see, it’s been about 8 years since 9/11, how about we shake thing up a bit in NY, give the people a little scare.
Official #2: Great idea Caldy, let’s start a big fire.
Caldera: No no official #2, something better, something more…reeeaaaaalllistic.
Official #2: Like “swine flu?
Caldera: No, let’s get an Osama Bin Laden impersonator, strap a jacket full of dynamite to him, and parade him around Times Square!
Official #2: Can’t do that, we have ’regulations’ against dynamite sir.
Caldera: Alright, then let’s fly a plane around New York really low and have some F 16’s and shit follow it!
Official #2: YES! AWESOME!
Calling this “felony stupidity” is an understatement. This is the kinda shit somebody should be hung for. Fuck firing Caldera, rape that man with a 2′4″. If I lived in New York I would start a picket line in front of this guys office complete with machine guns, tanks, flame throwers, etc. just waiting for this motherfucker to walk outside.
First of all, where the hell is the separation of church and state?!?
The earth will end only when God declares it’s time to be over. A man will not destroy this earth. This earth will not be destroyed by a flood. I appreciate having panelists here who are men of faith and we can get into the theological discourse of that position, but I do believe that God’s word is infallible. Unchanging. Perfect.
I yai yai…It’s funny how that infallible book of parables never mentions dinosaurs and yet your dumb ass talks about carbon levels (It’s carbon-dioxide levels, genius) during the times of the dinosaurs.
This guy is so out of the orbit of reality that it’s practically comical…if he wasn’t a member of CONGRESS!! WTF!
Infallible? Unchanging? Perfect? Hmmmm. Where oh where could I find a point of contention? Let’s try Exodus 21:20-21:
When a man strikes his male or female slave with a rod so hard that the slave dies under his hand, he shall be punished. If, however, the slave survives for a day or two, he is not to be punished, since the slave is his own property.
Nice.
Hey Shimkus the Shithead, why don’t you…no, you know what? It’s not even worth it.
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