Commodore is in Haiti right now. Yeah, I know. That is WTF enough. Believe me, if I could post some photos I would, but internet cafes are not the most abundant thing, nor are they the first thing on the docket of getting up and running. I will be back on the saddle on Thursday night. Sorry to have left you without a heads up, but I have machine guns in my face right now and this is the best I could do.
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Haiti
This guy.
You know, my favorite articles are the ones that practically write themselves. Ones that actually make you say, “Bro, WTF?!” as you read it. For instance…this article.
Paul Shirley, the former NBA player who still plays pro basketball, penned a long letter today about Haiti and the consequences of its earthquake. He begins the letter by stating that he has not donated to relief efforts in Haiti and “probably will not… for the same reason that I don’t give money to homeless men on the street. Shouldn’t much of the responsibility for the disaster lie with the victims of that disaster?”
That’s true compassion from someone who luckily grew up in a society that did all the work for him as far as laying down the infrastructure of civilization. Responsibility? Kind of like when you soon hopefully get beat up and you try to call the cops and they say, “The responsibility to get you out of your predicament falls on you, sir.”
His letter gets even better.
Dear Haitians -
First of all, kudos on developing the poorest country in the Western Hemisphere. Your commitment to human rights, infrastructure, and birth control should be applauded. As we prepare to assist you in this difficult time, a polite request: If it’s possible, could you not re-build your island home in the image of its predecessor? Could you not resort to the creation of flimsy shanty- and shack-towns? And could some of you maybe use a condom once in a while?
Sincerely,
The Rest of the World
That son of a bitch stole my style! Well the intro and outro, not so much the meat of the message. Anyhow,
Dear Paul Shirley,
Shirly you can’t be serious? And yes, I’m calling you Shirley. Please refrain from using the pronoun “we” when describing the selfless acts that the rest of the world are conducting on behalf of the less fortunate. Since you aren’t giving a dime of cash or a dime of your time, and since you are a piece of shit, you cannot ever say “we”, because you are not a part of the global “us”. The current generations of Haitians are paying the price for many years of unfortunate events, and do not deserve your pompous holier than thou comments, especially at a time like this.
What if this earthquake devastated Rome and its citizens were buried under rubble? Should we help them? Or is the world every man for himself? It sounds like you think it is. So fuck the French for saving us in the Revolutionary War. Those bastards shouldn’t have given us shit. The British were our problem. Part of me wishes that the French would have never saved our asses back then so that your ancestors wouldn’t find America such a lovely place to live and give birth to your douchebag self.
I guess you think that we should have let Hitler run wild on the whole of Europe too because it was the fault of Europe and its residents when they decided to build their societies in close proximity to a soon to be madman. You lived the fortunate life of growing up in the late 20th century in a plentiful country, because of:
a) blind luck and
b) the back breaking efforts of people who sacrificed so future generations (that you are a part of) could have more.
Remember, you did NOTHING to deserve the life you were born into. You were given it. You should spend your life earning the good fortune you were so blessed to have been graced with. Earning it by possibly shutting your fucking mouth and maybe donating $10 bucks to people that just lost everything.
Paul Shirley, you and those that think like you are the worst that billions of years of evolution have produced. And by the way, you fucking SUCK at basketball.
Sincerely,
Browtf…on behalf of The Rest Of The World
jerk
Ladies and gentlemen, in case George Clooney hasn’t done everything possible to make you want to give him a blow job already, he goes and does this, and takes himself and his sure-to-be golden penis to new heights.
George Clooney and MTV are organizing a massive telethon next week to raise funds for quake-ravaged Haiti.
Of course he is. Jesus, I donated $10 and felt good about myself. You know, take away his stunning good looks, his grace under pressure, his superlative acting, his enviable lifestyle, his blinding generosity, his “many zeroes” bank account, his amazingly down to earth personality and George Clooney is just a human being, like you and me.
I’m convinced that for the sake of the fabric of marriage (if there is one), it should be illegal for George Clooney to come within 30 feet of a married woman.
Come on Pat. Are you crazy?
“Something happened a long time ago in Haiti, and people might not want to talk about it. They were under the heel of the French…and they got together and swore a pact to the devil. They said, ‘We will serve you if you’ll get us free from the French.’” Robertson continued: “True story. And so the devil said, ‘OK, it’s a deal.’
True story?! You were there with the Haitians at their meeting with the Devil in 1791? Interesting. I wonder how you and your pasty unborn ass snuck in. Are there meeting minutes that we can look at to find proof of this? Fascinating stuff Pat, but to say something is “true” usually requires backup. You conservative religious folk keep forgetting that.
As the great Hippocrates said millenia ago, “There are, in effect, two things, to know and to believe one knows; to know is science; to believe one knows is ignorance.” Stop being an ignorant turd, Pat.
I can’t wait until someone shoots him in the face with a bullet inscribed with the word, “God”. True story.
Seriously
While a good portion of the global public holds out hope for some good news from Haiti, you want to believe that your money or volunteered time could help someway in the humanitarian effort down there. Well, the people involved with this study however, can never ever say that. Ever. The money that funded this study is gone forever, unable to help those in need. And by “help” I mean, money that could have been ignited in a bon fire to keep refugees warm because that would have been money better spent.
It may be no surprise that people are happier on weekends. But research out today looks at the psychology behind that mood boost. Men and women alike feel better — emotionally and physically — from Friday evening through Sunday afternoon, regardless of their age, education, salary, marital status or how many hours they work, the study says. It’s published in the Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology.
I want to propose a new rule of thumb for scientific research. If the best way to begin to describe the results of your study are: “It may be no surprise that,” you don’t need to do the study. Problem solved. It’s not a surprise in this case because peope don’t have to drag their asses out of bed on the weekend and work for a company they don’t give two shits about. Voila. Research finished.
But the weekend effect isn’t the same for those who regularly work weekends and have days off during the week. Most people are happiest on days without work, Ryan says.
The funny thing is, I wrote my rant above before I even got to the end of the article and read those 2 final sentences. What a shocker, huh?! Good Lord. Sometimes the usage of our research dollars couldn’t be any more of a joke.
Haiti, we’re thinking about you…
And Dr. Ryan if you want to be of some help, just please don’t bring your “Happier when not working” findings to Haiti right now. Trust me.
