David Caruso

I have made a terrible mistake!!!

A 25 year old man in Egypt cut off his own penis to “spite” his  father for not allowing him to marry his girlfriend on Sunday.  This  is a worse decision than when little Morty Goldbloom punched a 4 year old Adolf Hitler in the stomach in front of a girl he liked causing a young Hitler to “vow revenge”.

Does this guy know how many men have tried to weasel their way out of getting married?  This guy is rich, from Africa and wanted to marry someone of lower class but the Dad won’t allow it.  Did none of his friends tell him to just go rent Coming to America???  Because it works out in the end, Eddie Murphy gets the girl, his father’s respect, AND still keeps his penis.  Also, there were some much better alternatives even if you somehow couldn’t find a job in New York City at McDowell’s or for whatever reason Arsenio Hall wasn’t available to be your servant (although according to IMDB he is playing the character Tasty Freeze in the movie Black Dynamite, so he’s probably available).

Eloping? Had you thought of that, because if you didn’t you are reaaaaaaally gonna kick yourself now.  And lastly, who wins with the dick-less you?  Your dad? Nope, now you have shamed him and your family to the point where they probably wish you had just bled out. Your girlfriend?  Nope, you just cut off your dick; she is already fucking your best friend, right now as I type this.  You?  Let’s see, no girl, no family, no dick, you’re a bigger loser than when David Caruso left NYPD Blue for a career in the movies.

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