Dave O’Karma

I will chuckle when you die of heart failure

On the day when nonathletic retards come to Coney Island to “competitively” shove more sausage in their mouth than Heather Brooke, we get this piece of R&D and more specifically:

In an opinion piece published in the American Journal of Radiology, the doctors warned of possible “morbid obesity, profound gastroparesis, intractable nausea and vomiting, and even the need for a gastrectomy [surgical removal of all or part of the stomach] due to competitive speed eating. Despite its growing popularity, competitive speed eating is a potentially self-destructive form of behavior.”

I don’t believe it!  You mean to tell me that consuming say, 7 sticks of salted butter might have an adverse effect on your body’s drive towards physical optimization?  Huh.  Fuckin A.

I say, kick them out of the hospital and let them die.  Global food shortages are one of the top stories of every respectable magazine (no, not US Weekly, and you’re getting sick because your stomach “protruded enough to create the distinct impression of a developing intrauterine pregnancy”?  Well I’m sorry sir, but it’s time for you to die.  It’s another great opportunity for my “great human thinning out experiment”.

Then again, if we let them die, we would lose such gifted minds as Dave “Coondog” O’Karma who hypothesized,

Any way you look at it, it’s not healthy.  I don’t think loading your body with fat and salt is healthy.

Coondog, you might be on to something.  You should also publish your thoughts in the American Journal of Radiology.  People need to know the facts.

Happy 4th of July.  I can’t wait to eat so many burgers and drink so many beers till I puke.

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