by Commodore on April 22, 2010
Where are the other 2 million (known) species?
For all those people who believe the Bible is factual, you should raise a glass to your old friend Noah. That dude must have been the hardest working person this planet has ever seen. Scientists just found 123 “new” (those quotes are a “big up” to my boy Noah) species in Borneo (they find new species all the time, actually. I’m just pointing out today on Earth Day). Could you imagine how hard Noah must have worked to capture those suckers two by two considering they hadn’t been discovered yet and considering that he had to build a fucking giant boat too? Best Biologist Ever! Fuck you Darwin.
The Heart of Borneo boasts scores of animal species, hundreds of bird species and thousands of types of plants that are found nowhere else in the world. A century and a half ago, evolutionary theorist Charles Darwin called the island “one great luxuriant hothouse made by nature for herself.” Scientists are just beginning to get to the remotest regions of that hothouse – but they’re racing against developers who are putting in roads, chopping down trees and turning large tracts of the forests into palm oil plantations.
Funny. Old man Noah and his walking stick didn’t have trouble getting in there and scooping up all these animals thousands of years ago. WTF.
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by Commodore on March 8, 2010
What could be the problem?
I’m going to try to come at this as objectively as possible to see if it makes any more sense without my samurai sword of subjectivity towards this particular topic. Let me know.
Christian-based materials dominate a growing home-school education market that encompasses more than 1.5 million students in the U.S. And for most home-school parents, a Bible-based version of the Earth’s creation is exactly what they want. Federal statistics from 2007 show 83 percent of home-schooling parents want to give their children “religious or moral instruction.”
Change the word U.S. to Germany and 2007 to 1900 and that seems like something you would read in Hitler’s biography. Speaking completely objectively, shouldn’t home schooling be illegal? There are enough schools out there that you should be able to find a decent one. Home schooling’s intelligence is like calling yourself a home dentist because you have a silverware set.
“The majority of home-schoolers self-identify as evangelical Christians,” said Ian Slatter, a spokesman for the Home School Legal Defense Association. “Most home-schoolers will definitely have a sort of creationist component to their home-school program.”
Oh good.
“Those who do not believe that the Bible is the inspired, inerrant Word of God will find many points in this book puzzling,” says the introduction to “Biology: Third Edition” from Bob Jones University Press. “This book was not written for them.” The textbook delivers a religious ultimatum to young readers and parents, warning in its “History of Life” chapter that a “Christian worldview … is the only correct view of reality; anyone who rejects it will not only fail to reach heaven but also fail to see the world as it truly is.”
In case you missed it…this is a Biology book, not a Theology book. You might as well write a biology book based on the board game “Operation”. Fuck me. Where’s my sword.
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by Commodore on October 13, 2009
Yes it does.
You would think that if a news agency had a pointless story whose content was too racy for print, that it would just discard the story or “soften” it up a little bit. Well, not in Australia. Australia, if you remember from your history, is full of inmate offspring.
A woman accused of performing a sexual act on a man when he crashed in Darwin’s rural area is outraged at the allegation and says it is “absolutely wrong”.
That is the first sentence of the story. Where else could that go, but here:
“I was not sucking his dick – and it’s pretty obvious that wasn’t the case … you only have to look at the mark on my chest,” she said. “Clearly I had my seatbelt on, so it’s impossible that I’d be leaning over sucking his dick unless he is hung like a donkey or I’ve got a fucking rubber neck.”
Can’t you just see the journalist, Rebekah Cavanagh leaning in intently asking questions and writing answers down? ‘So that was hung like…a…donkey and…fucking rubber neck. Ok, got it. Thanks!’
“If it was true I’d just cop it sweet and think ‘how embarrassing, I got caught sucking someone’s dick – but it is not true and that’s what is pisses me off.”
See, she’s not mad that she almost died in a car accident and has what looks like a bruise from a crowbar on her neck…she’s mad that someone thinks she was sucking dick when she wasn’t sucking dick for that one particular moment out of the day. It’s not right for people to just assume!
“It may have looked bad when police first arrived as my girls were hanging out all over the place. I also had a $5 note wedged between my boobs so they probably just assumed I was a sex worker or something and he’d already paid me. But $5 is a bit cheap for a head job.”
WTF!?!? Her tits were flopping all over the place and a $5 just happened to wedge itself in between her breasts? No, why would ANYONE think you were doing something like sucking dick? To make Australia even better,
Ms White, 34, said she had been at the Howard Springs Tavern celebrating a friend’s birthday when they decided to go back to a friend’s place in Humpty Doo.
City’s name is Humpty Doo…Australia, keep fucking that chicken.
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by Commodore on September 7, 2009
Peekaboo!
Ok, I know that Australia hosts something like 145% of all poisonous species that exist on the planet but never ever should I ever have to read about this happening:
An Australian man found an unpleasant surprise coiled up in his toilet – a python almost twice his size was lurking in the toilet bowl.
…Come again?
Chris Peberdy, who runs Darwin-based snake handling company Snake N.T. said, “He must have come up through a drain. He was cruising around the house at night and returning to the toilet by day.”
Apparently pythons are such a part of daily life that their movements up drainage pipes and into homes can be referred to as “cruising around”, like it was out for a Sunday stroll. You know what comes up through our drains? Nothing. There is no animal in the northern hemisphere that would choose to squeeze itself up a shit pipe. Wellllll, unless it was a gerbil, of course.
Peberdy had some sage advice for people living in that area: ‘Keep the toilet seat down and look before you sit.’
Or just move towards civilization.
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