by Commodore on March 19, 2010
Nothing’s ehhhhhhhver good enough for a lady, now is it? In the beginning, it was cool for guys to father children left and right, high and low. And it was kosher to stay as faithful as an atheist. Then at some point the feamle population banded together and wanted men to not cheat on them, but we weren’t responsible for doing any child rearing. Ok, fair enough…I’ll bite. But soon enough, they wanted us to remain committed to one relationship and ONLY one relationship and they demded us to help raise the kids we father. And if being dragged over these sociatal coals wasn’t hard enough for a man in the 21st century, we have to now deal with this.
Dads are helping out with childrearing more and more these days. The result can be both a boon and a letdown for super-moms, whose self-competence can take a hit when paired with husbands who are savvy caregivers, new research finds.
I give up. Life is hard enough for a man this day & age. Multiple free porn sites, a plethora of fantasy leagues to join, and paying $14 for a 3-pack of underwear seems like robbery. Most of the women I frequent rarely even wear underwear, and here I am paying $14 of injustice.
When mothers perceived fathers to be competent caregivers, the more time those dads spent solo with children, the lower was mom’s self-competence rating. But when mothers considered spouses relatively incompetent caregivers, increased father-only time with kids was unrelated to mothers’ self-competence.
No, I wouldn’t say that these two previous sentences make women seem moody and controlling sometimes, I would say it makes women seem like insomniac schizophrenic marionette puppeteers. You dance when I tell you to dance, mother fuc*er.
And, yes ladies, we dance life’s delicate rubix cube of a dance everyday, in hopes that you’ll be impressed with us for long enough to have sex with us.
Stay strong gents.
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by Commodore on September 2, 2009
Yummy
In my continuous quest to bring to you stories that hammer in an overkill amount of nails into the already sealed we-are-bored-out-of-our-minds-as-a-species coffin, I thought that this story used a sledge hammer.
Swedish father Ragnar Bengtsson, 26, has entered into an experiment that he hopes will help him breastfeed his future children.
An experiment? Mixing cesium with water is an experiment. Having your child suck your male nipples in the hopes of having milk come out of them is no more an experiment than claiming that you can change hydrogen into lead if you wished for it really really hard.
Bengtsson is preparing to pump his breasts at three-hour intervals every day until the beginning of December.
Somewhere, 3.5 billion years of evolution is shaking its head.
“If it works and the milk turns out to have a high nutritional value it could be a real breakthrough,” he said.
And so could growing another penis out of the middle of your back but that doesn’t mean that this breakthrough is realistic. Why don’t you do the Chinese Water torture test on your taint and see if the water burrows out a vagina for you?
But your boy Ragnar isn’t the only person that will blow your mind in this article…
Sigbritt Werner, professor of endocrinology at Karolinska Institute in Stockholm, said, “Men often have trouble finding things. And if the mother is out, the child is screaming and they can’t find the pacifier I’m sure there are a lot of men who give their baby their breasts.”
Hold on, what?!? Sigbritt, what kind of a ridiculous deduction is that? You theorize that men have trouble finding things, so consequently a good number of us shove our pecs into our baby’s face to give them something to suckle on?!
That makes about as much sense as me saying…Women often have trouble finding things, so if their husbands are out with the extra pair of car keys and they can’t kind their own pair, I’m sure there are a lot of women who commandeer the first car they see moving on the street.
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by Big Lou Al Timber on March 9, 2009
PICK UP THE FUCKING PHONE!
I know this subject is as worn out as Clay Aiken’s rectum, but what can you say when you read something like this? The BroWhatTheFuckness makes itself so fucking apparent.
Call HER man! Are you kidding me? Your daughter just got her fucking head smashed into a plane of glass, pick up the phone and call her!!
What kind of a father sits back and WAITS for his abused daughter to give me a call and explain what happened?
I’d be on the first flight to LA with a briefcase full of 100’s to buy the first grenade launcher I could find. I’d strap it to Brown’s balls and press “go.”
You’re waiting? What the fuck.
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