by Commodore on January 29, 2011
Guilty!
I can’t think of more ludicrous laws than this. Why not outlaw sweating too?
The government of Malawi plan to punish persistent offenders ‘who foul the air’ in a bid to ‘mould responsible and disciplined citizens.’
For those of you not in the geographic-know, Malawi is indeed a real country and this article is not from the newspaper flash out of a board game or something.
But locals fear that pinning responsibility on the crime will be difficult – and may lead to miscarriages of justice as ‘criminals’ attempt to blame others for their offense.
I would love to eat a bowl of beans and then crop dust the hell out of a bar or restaurant down there. It would be the equivalent to releasing a real grenade in a restaurant anywhere else in the world, because releasing this stink bomb will get you arrested.
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by Commodore on August 28, 2009
Almost as impressive as this
Sometimes a heist gets so big and complex that you need three people just to conceive of it and make sense of it all. I imagine putting this heist together was like proposing string theory for the the first time. But as you will see, the problem with a heist of this complexity is that things can go haywire at any minute.
Gainesville Police Department spokesman Lt. Keith Kameg says three men approached a 17-year-old Monday and demanded $5. When the teen could only produce 75 cents, one of the men punched him in the mouth.
That’s one way to handle a snag during the operation.
Police have arrested 18-year-old Darrell Butler, 19-year-old Frazier Mack and 18-year-old Mazavious Ross. They face charges of robbery and conspiracy. Bond for Butler and Mack was set at $40,000. Ross’ was set at $100,000.
Frazier Mack? Mazavious Ross? Were these characters in a Tarantino movie or something? Mazavious’s bond was set 20,000 times greater than the amount of money he was originally seeking. By this rationale, if he tried to rob a bank of $1,000,000, but only got offered $150,000, he would punch that person in the face and be in jail on a $20 billion bond. Seems about right.
Kameg did not know if the group already had attorneys. He said authorities believe the suspects were members of a gang.
Lt. Kameg, let me help out your investigation here. They don’t have lawyers. These three guys just tried to rob someone for a total of 5 U.S. dollars, without knowing if this person had $5 on him. I’m guessing that they don’t have paid legal representation on speed dial. You can go back to focusing on the Gators football season now.
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by Commodore on August 25, 2009
Guys, let it slide.
In this week’s example of “Calm Down“:
A fight that started as an argument over the tying of a girl’s shoelaces Sunday night ended with one man being slashed several times in the arm and another man going to jail, Allentown police said.
*blink..blink*
Paris Cooks told police that they had a disagreement over the tying of Cooks’ daughter’s shoelaces, which led to an argument and then a fight, Manescu said. During the fight, Eric Thomas pulled a pocketknife and slashed Cooks repeatedly because he felt disrespected, he said.
Wow. Respeck! Don’t you ever disrespect me when tying your own daughter’s shoelaces, son! But in all seriousness, what on earth could the argument have been about? The only thing that makes sense is that Eric Thomas suggested she tie her shoes using the two bunny ears method. Everyone knows that is far inferior to the over-around-and through the one bunny ear method.
But even so, fellas..FELLAS! This is Allentown, Pennsylvania for Chrissake! There shouldn’t be knife fights going on for ANY reasons! Unless Eric Thomas was suggesting that Cooks’ daughter tie her left and right shoelaces together while they were in they middle of a war zone, I think everyone just needs to take a breath and calm down and go their separate ways.
The two men live together, Manescu said.
I’m speechless.
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by Commodore on April 8, 2009
We did it!
I believe that what Oregon is really trying to say is “no money shots allowed”. WTF! I mean, if it is a second degree sex abuse crime to propel semen at someone, what am I supposed to do if a girl says something like, “I want it all over my tits” or worse, “blow it in my face”??? Look lady, ejaculating all over you is oodles of fun but I am not interested in doing any jail time for it! No thanks.
But this makes no sense. Oregon is a progressive state. Hmmmm. Mayyyyyyybe what they are indirectly getting at is that all women should either be on the pill or they have to swallow??? That’s it! That’s Beeeee-rilliant! Way to go Oregon lawmakers! You sneaky SOB’s! We did it!!!!
Hm, what’s that Ms. Senator? Wearing a condom would work too? Huh? Shooting it on my stomach or the sheets works too? Wait, what?!?!?
Damn it! Somebody shut that lady up!! Somebody filibuster those loopholes!! Somebody do something!!!!
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