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Colorado

I Draw The Line At Toliet Car

by Commodore on July 15, 2010

The American Dream

I don’t know about you.  I’m all for personal growth and doing things for the simple enjoyment of doing things, but a line in the sand must be drawn.  Some things are just flat out retarded.

A family in Colorado will never again have to worry about toilet breaks on the road after designing a twin-bowl toilet car. It took four years and three prototypes for Dave Hersch to perfect his design, inspired by a small ‘Hot Wheels’ toy car. It features a 6.5hp motor capable of driving two adults at 30mph and holds six toilet rolls and a magazine rack.

4 years, folks.  It took us 9 to get to the moon.  Something tells me that 4 years is not one hell of a feat.  It would be a feat if the person that it took to build it 4 years was Tom Hanks on the island in Cast Away. People get university degeres in 4 years.  This guy secured a toilet to a go-kart.  He must work as expeditiously as water eroding rock.

The current model was built to be foolproof. Adults take photos and kids jump up and down with excitement. It’s a great way to meet all the people in my neighbourhood without all the typical grown-up formalities.

Foolproof, but not idiot proof.  What neighborhood do you live in?  Is it at the corner of Magic Kingdom and Shutter Island?

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My Psychic Stole My Money

by Commodore on May 19, 2010

You can trust me

I want to believe that most human beings are not that stupid.  But then my brain thinks about it for 2 more seconds and I have to succumb to the inevitable truth, which is, the majority of people are followers, followers tend to not think for themselves, those that don’t think for themselves can be brainwashed, and the brainwashed can be labeled as stupid.  My guess is that the over/under line on who would be labeled stupid by “Commodore’s Objective Chart of Brilliance” is 72%.  These people clearly drove the number higher.

Nancy Marks, a psychic from Lafayette, Colorado, was arrested for fraud after telling clients their “money [was] evil” and that she’d take their cursed cash so “the money would suffer” instead. Marks made at least $290,000 using this scam.  Marks – who runs a psychic reading business creatively named Psychic Readings – warned victims that malicious spirits were haunting their bank accounts and that she would take the evil assets off their hands. Her scam would’ve continued had a whistleblower named Linda not contacted police.

Can’t we enact a new law that if you’re deemed “stupid” you get thrown in jail or have your case simply thrown out?  The psychic shouldn’t be found guilty of anything other than guilty of being smart.  Yes, I understand that we have to protect the general public from sexual predators, scam artists and the like, but if you’re giving your money to a psychic because they tell you that your money is “cursed”, then you should be psychologically evaluated and charged for that court ordered service.  I’ll drive. Here hold this freshly poured cup of coffee between your legs on this bumpy ride.  Don’t worry it can’t be hot because the label doesn’t say it is.

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Could You Be More Racist?!

by Commodore on September 16, 2009

American Wisdom

American Wisdom

The U.S. Forest Service has apologized for suggesting that campers who eat tortillas, drink Tecate beer and play Spanish music may be armed marijuana growers, calling it “regrettable” and “insensitive.”

Go ahead.  Read that sentence again and then let it sink in.  That was the U.S. Forest Service.  The statement was so excessively racist that they overshot the word Hispanic and went right to Spanish.  I don’t think there has ever been a situation in human history where someone was eating a burrito, drinking Tecate and listening to Flamenco music.

Forest Service officials apologized to Colorado Hispanic leaders in a meeting two weeks ago and released a written apology this week.  The written apology by Rocky Mountain Regional Forester Rick Cables says the agency “learned some valuable lessons.”

Some valuable lessons, Rick?  Is the U.S. Forest Service staffed by 3-year-old children who at lunchtime, throw rocks at the dark skinned colleague because he looks different?  WTF!

He says the agency will establish a forum for more discussions about how to engage with Hispanics.

What?  ENGAGE THEM LIKE HUMAN BEINGS.  They are not prawns from District 9!!

“It was obvious the staff did not have the cultural awareness they need. Federal employees don’t often have the opportunity to be engaged in activities outside the home,” Polly Bacca said.

WTF!!  Read that again.  They often don’t have the opportunity to be engaged in activities outside the home?!  What in the hell does that mean?  Most federal employees grow up locked up in their own home in solitary confinement?  That’s your answer?  Jeez.  This worries me if most federal employees haven’t had any experience outside of their house.  I hope we don’t overreact one day and invade the wrong country because of our complete arrogance in trying to understand a global/cultural situation.

Listen here Polly Baca, this is the United States of fucking America!   The melting pot of the world.  Where you can do and be anything you want.  Where Verizon says that I can be anywhere at anytime and talk to anyone on the planet.  Your excuse is embarrassing.  You make it sound like living in The United States is all of a sudden like being a woman living in Kabul.  And you wonder why the world hates us ignorant Americans?

She said she and other Hispanic leaders received a number of messages from across the country expressing concern, along with some hate mail criticizing Hispanics.

Along with some hate mail.  Of course they did.  God Bless America.

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