The 3 letters “CNN” have ceased being relavant to the media world well before Conan left NBC. They lost their luster right after the first Gulf War when CNN went from the “little news agency that could”, to the news agency most interested in mouse clicks. For God’s sake, they employ Rick Sanchez, if you remember from a few days back. And now their investigative journalism brings you this malarcky. The title is, “Can laughing give you a workout?” The whole world knows the answer, so does CNN, but instead of throwing the story out we get,
One small new study suggests laughter could be as beneficial as exercise.
Does anyone vet anything at CNN, or is it like the Wall Street trading floor circa Spring 2007 with everyone screaming bullshit pitches at a the editor-in-chief who has as much control as Colonel Dike had in Band of Brothers in the Battle of the Bulge?
These initial findings do not mean a person can get healthy by skipping exercise and watching comedy on the couch. “It’s not rocket science that exercise is good for you,” Berk said. “It adds years to your life.”
And yet CNN, thought it would pose their article in question format to seem more exploratory. I wouldn’t be surprised if CNN titled one of their articles, “Did this man just create life?” only to find out that some guy planted potatoes in his garden.
Marilyn Galfin, who describes herself as a certified laughter leader and a professional clown, plans to start laughter classes in New York City for women who are trying to become active.
WTF. You can’t self describe yourself as certified in anything. I actually think that’s illegal. Laughter leader? Never be surprised by how 21st century boredom forces people to find purpose.
I describe myself as a certified master of love. CNN, contact me for my article, “Can this man impregnate EVERYone?”
How is this guy allowed on TV? Aren’t there rules to letting mentally challenged people report the news on TV? Shouldn’t his parents have to be on set during filming or something? It’s not fair that the earth keeps throwing difficult things at Rick, such as earthquakes, tsunamis and volcanic eruptions of which he has as much common sense knowledge of as any of us do of things going on in parallel universes. Afterall, he did ask a scientist, “9 meters is how much in English?”
Rick, you are an embarrassment to not only your news organization but to your country and to your species as a whole. You only think of volcanoes in places like Hawaii because YOU are a jackass. Don’t lump “us” in with your Homo-Erectus-of-a-brain’s thought process. If first graders said something as dumb as what Rick Sanchez was saying, they would get expelled from school. WTF.
What event or occurrence would have to happen in life for it NOT to be reported in the news? I keep thinking that news agencies can dig no deeper, only to behold a reporter with a back hoe, digging some shit up on an arid, uninhabitable land. This is what he found and chose to share with the world.
A Pennsylvania man attempted to resuscitate “a road-killed opossum,” state police say. But this was one possum who wasn’t playing possum — the ugly creature remained dead.
Oooo, clever! See what he did there? “Playing possum”. Very subtle pun. In case you didn’t click on the link above yet, this was posted on cnn.com, which should stand for “Certainly Not News” from here on out.
Troopers responding to the scene in Oliver Township on Thursday determined that Donald J. Wolfe, 55, of Brookville, was drunk, according to the police report.
Determined? As if there was a group huddle during the final question of a trivia night. The dude was trying to resuscitate a dead arboreal marsupial, I think it’s safe to say that he experiencing an clarity-of-the-mind kind of moment.
The arresting officer in the incident was unavailable for comment Friday. Attempts to reach Wolfe were also unsuccessful.
Good, shit brick. Jason, why are you trying to contact these people anyway? WTF more were you going to learn and share with us that would shed light on the matter at hand? You’ve already wasted enough of our time. Cnn.com seems to place think that related topics might be, “Pennsylvania”, “wildlife”, and “crime & law”. Really? I would think that it would be related to, “Useless”, “Inane” and “Other reasons Jason Kessler should be fired”.
The Internet has become a bastion of nonsensical information, probably half of which would cease to be posted if people thought for 2 seconds. Things like this.
My 68-year-old mother-in-law refuses to take a bath but once a week. Is this healthy or even legally acceptable? Please help.
This was a question posted on cnn.com in their “Expert Q&A” section. Legally acceptable? I can’t believe its legally acceptable for this person to even pose this question. Here’s some advice, FIGURE IT THE FUCK OUT ON YOUR OWN. Chances are, your 68-year-old mother-in-law is not going to change, no matter what you say. She still hates you for marrying her child and thinks her daughter settled for you. The fact that she stinks is your family problem, not anyone elses. How this question and its “expert” answer gets shared with the world is the only thing disgusting and unhealthy.
Come to think of it, what the hell is a pediatrician doing being an expert on what elderly people should or shouldn’t do? WTF.
I kept getting an error when I embedded it from cnn.com so you have to see it here. Caution: It’s retarded.
For shit’s sake people. There are grown ass adults in there!! We’re talking about a made up story here, folks. Camping out for tickets? For 4 days?! Are you employed? This isn’t the World Cup, Obama’s inauguration, or a KC & Jojo reunion concert. Be productive. Get a life. Or in fact, skip the life part. Just die. Stop stealing my depleting resources. Thanks.
Cnn.com’s love affair with “The Frisky” has to be the worst partnership since assless and chaps. “The Frisky” is less useful in life than a sack of dirty socks when you’re starving. I mean, what the fuck is this?
Let me be clear: I do have girlfriends. I’m not incapable of being friends with women. I have some really great female friends who are all regular-looking like me. When we bicker, we get over it. But when a normal-looking woman like me befriends someone who is model-pretty, there’s trouble.
So glad this is on cnn.com. I seriously just went through the whole article to find the most ridiculous quote to put up on here but it’s really the whole damn thing. It’s complete and utter nonsense. It’s a “normal-looking”woman’s random thoughts that just go on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on with no end in sight, I mean it just keeps going and going without a logical thesis or an important point whatsoever, it’s just gibberish, hogwash, malarky and it’s embarrassing that it is on an international news page. Do you know what I mean????????? It’s filled with examples of “I wish I was prettier but I am going to pretend that I’m happy with my personality” blah blah and then it ends with these words of wisdom:
I could go on with other examples of disagreements with attractive women where I ended up getting ditched, but I think you get the point. It’s their loss, I think, because they could have had a friend who stood up to them. That’s an asset, ladies. But it’s my loss for being so stubborn about arguments that I lose friendships over them. I’m just unwilling to be a butt-kisser. I really, really can’t do it.
Wait. It’s their loss, you think?…Oh, now it’s your loss? Jessica, get some help and sort your life out. Cnn, get relevant.
Normally, right about now I’d be finishing dinner, trying to convince my girlfriend to tea bag me while I jerk off to Survivor Man or something like that. Instead I’m going to point out the ALL TIME WORST COLLECTION OF HEADLINES…..EVER. CNN, I hate you.
The following articles show up on CNN.com RIGHT NOW:
FUCKING WHAT? F.U.C.K.I.N.G. W.H.A.T.! “Send in your vintage postcards?” Are you kidding me?
I don’t know which absurd piece of non-news blows my mind more, but next time I find a fucking dead guy on my kitchen floor I’m definitely taking his ass outside and burying him. Fuck the po-lice, I’ll handle that shit myself. WTF!!
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