by Commodore on September 28, 2010
Screw you, Arnold.
How amazing is 911 service? You’re in trouble, you’re in an accident, you’re in a well because a madman put you there. No matter. Just take your phone out and dial 911 and you will be helped. It’s tax dollars well spent.
A panicked man called a police emergency line for help because there was a cat in his kitchen. “There’s a cat in my kitchen I don’t know how to deal with him.”
Dear God, there’s an idiot on your planet and I don’t know how to deal with him.
The bemused operator asks “You’ve got a what in your kitchen?”, and the man responds: “A cat, cat, cat.”
Operator: “So there’s no emergency? it’s just that there’s a cat in your kitchen?
Man: “I need to sleep. It’s in my, my home.”
Operator: “This is not a police matter. We’re not going to remove a cat from your house. If you just go into the kitchen, shoo the cat out the back door, it will leave, alright?”
How did she know that?! This 911 operator was like the Oracle at Delphi with all of her knowledge about things she couldn’t have possibly known. Just shoo it out the back door. Who knew?
No Comments
by Commodore on November 15, 2009
Now THAT'S a cat you call the cops on.
In the most recent installment of “Why We We’re A Bunch Of Pussies”, we have these two idiots.
A cat with medical issues attacked her owners in New York City and had to be removed by the police.
WTF? Medical issues? Unless these medical issues were those from 28 Days Later, no cat with “medical issues” should force anyone to call the cops to protect them. It’s a fucking house cat. Did the thing try to ignore them to death?
Davila said her 10-year-old cat, Carmen, suddenly launched herself at Marte and started attacking him like a wild animal.
Ok, hold on a minute here. 10-year-old cats do nothing but walk around with the pompous stride and privileged aura of Queen Nefretiti, when they’re not sleeping 23 hours a day. It couldn’t be farther from being a wild animal if it were a plastic bag. And anyways, it’s a domesticated cat, not an jaguar. Throw a blanket on it and whack it with a hammer!
Davila called 911 and police responded and corralled the cat into a carrier.
Corralled. Like they were cowboys called in to lasso up some wild mustangs.
What a joke.
No Comments
by Commodore on October 12, 2009
ohhhh k....sounds....good.
There are a lot of things that we do that defy comprehension. Abstinence, sobriety, and legally abstaining the drunks from paying for sex, are a few that come to mind. But this, this might be the crushing blow of the horse hoof on the egg shell of comprehension.
The regulation of hypnotherapists in the UK is so lax that even a cat named George, can become accredited, the BBC has found.
Nice, guys. Like hypnotherapy wasn’t respected enough, you let a cat named “George” get certified.
On second glance, anyone who goes to get healed or get advice from a hypnotherapist, might as well try to have a conversation and get a response out of a cat. Have you ever watched a cat do ANYthing? Their lethargy is enough to lull you into a state of consciousness where voluntary actions are lost…hey wait a second!! Maybe cats ARE hypnotherapists!
WTF!
No Comments
by Big Lou Al Timber on March 2, 2009
Get IN the bong kitty.
Do we need to create an “Only in Denver” section to this blog, or are we going to keep our focus on the absurdity of Texas? I think we’re going to have to talk abou this because this motherfucker is really pushing for Denver.
Acea Schomaker, that’s right, his name is Acea, put his cat in his bong to “try and calm it down.”
Wait wait wait wati wait wait wait. What? What the fuck did you do?
YOU. Put your cat in your bong. And you smoked pot, thinking that might calm it down? WTF? Explain the thought process here Acea, do yourself a favor and put it out here for me.
You see, this is the problem with stoners…sure they don’t cause the same types of accidents drunk people do, sure they don’t cause fights, piss their pants, puke everywhere. But here’s what they do do: STUPID. ASS. SHIT.
This alone is one of the stupidest fucking things I’ve ever heard, and Acea, you are officially on my death list. I want to stuff YOU in a bong and then shit down the tube you dumb fuck.
Only in Denver? I dont’ know dude….
No Comments
![[del.icio.us]](http://www.browtf.com/wp-content/plugins/bookmarkify/delicious.png)
![[Digg]](http://www.browtf.com/wp-content/plugins/bookmarkify/digg.png)
![[Facebook]](http://www.browtf.com/wp-content/plugins/bookmarkify/facebook.png)
![[Reddit]](http://www.browtf.com/wp-content/plugins/bookmarkify/reddit.png)
![[StumbleUpon]](http://www.browtf.com/wp-content/plugins/bookmarkify/stumbleupon.png)
![[Technorati]](http://www.browtf.com/wp-content/plugins/bookmarkify/technorati.png)
![[Twitter]](http://www.browtf.com/wp-content/plugins/bookmarkify/twitter.png)
