cankles

They better be few

I’m being serious here.  I’m more afraid of cankles than I am the merchant of death.  I have sabotaged my own relationships because of cankles.  I’ve been in love – and I mean smitten – only to see the peanut butter to my jelly take her pants off to show me…well, apparently where she’s been putting all that peanut butter.

The circumference of a woman’s ankle is about 11 inches, on average. That’s not much to obsess about. But enough Americans are concerned about fat ankles — or “cankles” — that gyms are coming up with new ways to tone them; plastic surgeons are pushing $4,000 to $6,000 liposuction procedures to slim them; and shoe companies are offering special models designed to minimize them.

Thank the Lord!!! (BTW, ladies…if you want me to try and get you drunk and have sloppy sex with you, aim for a 9 inch circumference, please.  How long’s 9 inches???  Ummm picture me trying to wrapp my penis around your ankle and then double that distance.  That’s 9 inches.)

In the 18th century, a fat stomach was called a “corporation.” By the mid-19th century, it was known as a “bay window.”

Holy shit!  We totally have to bring that back!

“I’m not overweight or anything, I just have really huge ankles,” she says. “Really, there are bigger things to worry about.”

No honey, I’m sorry.  I told you that you can’t get my penis if you have cankles.  Sorry muffin…top.  Hahaha.  High five!  Someone get me a shot of Jaeger!

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