Bernie Madoff

unlucky

The SEC has come out and stated the obvious. They “missed Madoff.” Missed him, as in, when he stole more than a BILLION fucking dollars from people, the SEC didn’t catch it.

“The Securities and Exchange Commission overlooked “more than ample” evidence, including six complaints, that red-flagged the Bernard Madoff Ponzi scheme, an internal watchdog said Wednesday.”

I mean, overlooked might be a bit of an understatement. Suggesting this was “overlooked” is like saying Ron Jeremy thought sex was “ok.”

“A broad review of the SEC and its efforts at tracking Madoff found a “thorough and competent investigation was never performed.”

Ok, so that being said, what is it you say your responsibility is? What would you say you do here SEC? If you’re not performing competent and thorough investigations, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING!?!

WTF!

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wow

This is awesome. I can see exactly how this happened right now:

Picture a “wall street” guy sitting in his office, enjoying a nice cup of morning coffee and an intern BJ. He says to himself, “How can I start a new ponzi scheme and make millions RIGHT after Bernie just went to jail for this?” Right as he blows, he hears a car screech out down the street and the answer presents itself: NASCAR.

Those guys are dumber than fuck. It’s like challenging an amputee to a footrace, or a blind guy to a fencing match.

So he did.

“Basically, the Ponzi scheme made investors believe that they could get them a guaranteed return on their investment up to 40.8 percent and they got them to invest their money and then used their money for their own personal gain. Our investigation is still in the process of collecting evidence and sorting through the different computers and everything else we found,’ FDLE agent Wayne Ivey said.”

Cough! Wait, did you say 40.8% return!?! And these idiots actually bought this? The only investment that’s paying 40.8% return today is the goddamn roulette table in Las Vegas. And even then you only get it a third of the time!

I think I’m going to invent a product to sell to NASCAR guys, I’ll call it the “ZOOM BUTTON.” Simply take the “ZOOM BUTTON” sticker off the paper, place it on your dash, and press it when you want to go really fast! I’ll make a damn fortune!

1 Comment

So What Is It You Say You Do?

Brilliant!

Bro WTF Tweets

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