Alabama

This is me

If you still don’t think that people should be forced to pass an aptitude test to reproduce, think again.

An Alabama woman has been charged with endangering the welfare of a child after police say she let her 13 year-old daughter ride in a cardboard box on top of their van.

I’m willing to give the benefit of the doubt for a second here. This van wasn’t really moving, per se, was it? This “van” was a make believe van in a playground, right?

Albertville Police spokesman Sgt. Jamie Smith said the 37-year-old woman was arrested Sunday after police received a call about a minivan on a state highway with a child riding on top.

(blink…blink)

Smith said the mother told officers it was safe because she had the box secured to the van with a clothes hanger.

Wait, what? How the fuck does that work?! Macgyver on 9 hours of sleep couldn’t figure out how to secure a cardboard box on top of a car with a clothes hanger, but you did? Ma’am, the carboard box could have been fixed to the car with poured concrete and you’d still be the worst parent on the planet (marginally beating out Dina Lohan). What happens when you and your daughter fly? “Here honey. Use this paper clip to hang on to the fuselage. It’s perfectly secure.”

WTF!

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A much better dive buddy!

Christina Watson, 26, drowned while diving with her husband, David Gabriel Watson, an experienced diver, 11 days after their wedding in 2003.

Prosecutors said he had failed in his duty as his wife’s dive buddy.

Well there’s an understatement. That’s like saying John Wilkes Booth failed President Lincoln as a courteous member of the audience. He turned off her air and watched her die. . . . . on their honeymoon.

Now I know things work a bit different in Alabama. Frankly, I’m not sure if A) slavery is even illegal there or if B) they are fully aware the Civil War is over. I am however, pretty sure the rules of marriage are the same.

Rule number one: If you don’t want to get married don’t say “I do”. That’s it man, that’s all you had to do. Instead you opted for murder. I know it’s awkward calling everyone who got a save the date card. “Hey, yeah, sorry to call but we talked about it, and the marriage is a no go, see you at Thanksgiving, good luck with the new double-wide.”

Much easier than “Hey, yeah, so thanks for the blender at the wedding, but I murdered my wife last week so did you want that back for your new double-wide?” WTF!

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