by Big Lou Al Timber on December 7, 2009
here, have some AIDS bitch!
I’ve heard some fucked up stories in my time, and many of them include the use of paraphanlia that’s been dipped in HIV tainted blood. For example, I heard that sometimes at New Year’s Eve festivities assholes will tape tacks to their hands and go around high fiving people, simply to spread the disease. I also heard some people hide needles in the change ports on pay phones, or in seats in movie theaters. ALL OF THESE PEOPLE ARE BETTER PEOPLE THEN THIS GUY:
“AN HIV-positive man has confessed to injecting his blood into his sleeping wife and infecting her with the virus that can cause AIDS. It is believed the man wanted to give her the disease so she would start having sex with him again, New Zealand’s Sunday Star-Times newspaper said.”
DUDE!?!? Are you kidding me? That’s your WIFE man, your WIFE! I’m sorry but you can’t go and give your wife HIV! I mean, that’s completely fucking outrageous!
“The wife described how in May 2008 she found a sting-like mark on her left thigh and two days later awoke to a stinging feeling in her leg. She said, “I got up… and I flicked the blankets… I looked at (the husband) and he was wide awake. The wife asked him if he had pricked her and he said: ‘No’.”
So, let’s see here. Your wife is sleeping, your children are sleeping. And instead of letting your peaceful family dream their merry dreams, you prick your wife with a needle that was dipped in your blood? W.O.W.
Classless is an understatement bro, you’re flat-out crazy! You’re literally killing your wife so she might have sex with you again. Jesus H. Christ. I don’t even know what to say!
(Well, to be fair, if Carrie Underwood HAD to sleep with me if she got AIDS, I’d probably do the same thing. But dude, that’s Carrie fucking Underwood. TOTALLY different.)
No Comments
by Commodore on June 22, 2009
I think my AIDS is acting up
is that CNN couldn’t get 2 more symptoms to get it to 10. Here, let me help:
#9 – Cancer
#10 – AIDS
No Comments
by Uncle Awesome on May 2, 2009
Cock? No Cock?? Find Out at Eleven
ABC News today reported that Swine Flu is not as bad as originally reported.
NO SHIT!!! It’s the fucking flu, just like we said. Even though ABC gets some credit for saying this, they only deserve about as much credit as a monkey for learning not to eat his own shit. I say this because the headline on ABC was “Swine Flu Death Ebbs, but Could Come Back Strong” They want you to know your safe. . . . . for now, but so help you God, at the drop of a hat, this non-deadly, mildly annoying flu could return. . . ONLY WORSE!
The news nowadays is like a Thai hooker:
First they try to frighten you into wanting the information they’ve got.
Hooker: If you don’t pay me another $100 bucks, I’m telling your wife you just got a blowjob by a tranny.
News: Swine Flu will kill you by sundown; find out how to save yourself after the break.
Fair enough, they have your attention at this point. Now you need to know more. You’re scared. Are you going to die? Is it deadly? Did you just get the worlds greatest BJ from a dude or a chick? Are you gay now? I mean, it was amazing! You need to know more.
You To Hooker: Please Sir/Ma’am; show me what’s under that skirt (not a cock, please God not a cock, I can’t believe I did this again!).
You to News: Tell me if I’m going to die you sons of bitches!!
In the end it turns out you were worried for nothing
Hooker: Ah, you caught me, its an inny, no outty”
News: Swine flu will kill you by sundown. . . if you have AIDS, and fuck a pig in Mexico while eating a milkshake made of its shit, other than that though, you are safe.
It all leaves you feeling cheap and manipulated. Well fuck you news, and fuck you Thai hooker, take your fake cock stories somewhere else.
No Comments
by Commodore on May 1, 2009
Until this is the hair of the Prince of England, we don't need to talk about it.
The sun is hot. Water is wet. Men like a finger in their butt during sex. These are all examples of facts that aren’t news. We don’t need to report them. Everyone knows they’re 100% truth. The Daily Telegraph, however, wants to add a 4th fact.
Prince Harry has not washed his hair for two years, it has been claimed.
So. fucking. what?
I love the “it has been claimed” statement as if this is something that really needs more attention. You use “it has been claimed” when you receive a self made video of some guy running out of Area 51 with tracer bullets being fired over his head as he screams into his camera, Blairwitch style while holding the leg of an alien. Your sentence might read, “Alien’s exist, it has been claimed.”
Many people believe in the benefits of not using shampoo as hair will self-clean itself if left alone for at least a week.
Oh great. And many men in sub-Saharan African believe that AIDS is all mental. Maybe we should listen to them too. The only people that believe in the benefits of not washing their hair are either homeless or hobos and to be honest, I don’t think either of those groups should be giving advice about hair care.
1 Comment
by Big Lou Al Timber on March 24, 2009
Just pray it don't got the HIV.
Dude, this is just so uncalled for it’s pathetic. I can’t imagine being a vet, coming back from some shitty war I never should have had to fight anyways, and getting the HIV simply because I chose to get my butt checked out at the VA hospital instead of the other fine public establishment.
Can our government/military do anything right? For crying out loud guys, these men fought fucking wars for us! They shot people so we could be safe! Now they have fucking Hep or AIDS because the VA health care facility wasn’t clean? You’ve GOT to be kidding me.
“On Monday, the VA sent letters to 3,260 people who may have had colonoscopies between May 2004 and March 12, 2009. Hospital officials said a review of safety procedures found that tubing used in endoscope procedures was rinsed but not disinfected.”
Rinsed but not disinfected. Rinsed. You just rinsed it out? ARE YOU FUCKING OUT OF YOUR MIND!?! I’m no damn doctor but I can definitely tell you that if you shove a tube up a guys ass, you’re going to need to stick it in at least a pot of boiling water for a couple hours before shoving it up the next guy’s ass. This simply isn’t brain surgery.
I swear if I were a soldier that just lived through a damn colonoscopy and was told that now I might have AIDS because the department of VA didn’t sanitize it’s shit, I’d blow shit up. Straight BLOW SHIT UP.
No Comments
by Commodore on March 17, 2009
Pope Benedict decided to get with the times and deci- Nope. Just kidding. The Catholic Church is still flopping about in the Stone Ages by saying “Sex is bad.” Pope Benedict and his infallibility would much rather see Africans die of AIDS than to promote condoms. Seems smart.
The traditional teaching of the church has proven to be the only failsafe way to prevent the spread of HIV/Aids.
Riiight. This is the same Catholic Church that gets excited when they “see” the face of Jesus in tree bark, couch stains and cookies that thousands of meandering idiots come from the ends of the earth to see and start worshiping.
Other traditional teachings of the Church were: not allowing priests to marry (that hasn’t been a problem), burning heretics and excommunicating Galileo.
Three cheers for traditional Catholic teachings!
No Comments
by Commodore on March 16, 2009
RIP Washington DC
Yes. You read that correctly. Washington DC has a higher AIDS rate than fucking WEST AFRICA! Am I missing something here? Our nation’s capital, the very place where national governmental affairs are conducted on a daily basis, has an HIV/AIDS rate of 3%. That is on par with Uganda.
USA! USA! USA!
If I worked in DC, I would walk around in a bio suit even though people keep telling me that AIDS is not an airborne virus. Well you know what? Fuck you. I’ve seen Outbreak. I know how this shit mutates. People also once assured me that a big fat guy slid down everyone’s chimneys to give them toys.
I won’t have the wool pulled over my eyes twice.
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