by Commodore on February 11, 2010
Maybe we should redesign the airplane because of this guy
So if I told you that someone with long hair was 22% less likely to get a head injury when falling off a bicycle than someone with short hair, even when both were wearing a helmet, would you stop riding your bike? The answer is no, because that statement is idiotic. Well, this study is kind of like that.
Men who are overweight have a higher chance of surviving a car crash if they’re wearing a safety belt, a University of Michigan study found out.
Seems like a ridiculously obvious statement. I bet you could arbitrarily put any word behind Men who are __________ and the fact will be that that type of man will die less if wearing a safety belt. Unless of course “driving with their face while their seat belt is wrapped around their neck” is in that blank. I imagine that particular scenario kills most, if not all subjects.
The U-M Transportation Research Institute study found men who were overweight had a 22 percent lower chance of being killed in a fatal crash than men who are underweight. But the opposite was true if overweight weren’t buckled in. According to the study, men with a body mass index between 35 and 50 were 10 percent more likely to be killed in an auto accident.
Oh ok. Now you’re trying to make a point. Although again, this helps no one. That’s like saying, fat people have a 22% greater chance of surviving a 40-story fall onto concrete but have a 10% less chance of surviving if they landed on rocks. WTF. In the end, everyone should wear their seat belt, right?
Overall, drivers who don’t wear safety belts are 2.1 times more likely to die in a fatal crash than those who are belted.
Boom. End of story and analysis. Who cares about the fat or not fat information?
The researchers suggested design of airbags, knee restraints and seats might need to be redesigned to protect people who have extreme BMIs.
What the fuck? This is like trying to design a gun that shoots bullets out slower because bullets tend to kill people. No, nothing needs to be redesigned on the accord of “fat people die more often when they’re not wearing safety belts”! Put your seat belts on! Why are we always giving in and making extra allowances for the outliers? If anything needs to be redesigned, it’s the seat belt so that average sized people don’t die at a greater rate than fat people when seat belts are fastened.
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by Commodore on October 13, 2009
Yes it does.
You would think that if a news agency had a pointless story whose content was too racy for print, that it would just discard the story or “soften” it up a little bit. Well, not in Australia. Australia, if you remember from your history, is full of inmate offspring.
A woman accused of performing a sexual act on a man when he crashed in Darwin’s rural area is outraged at the allegation and says it is “absolutely wrong”.
That is the first sentence of the story. Where else could that go, but here:
“I was not sucking his dick – and it’s pretty obvious that wasn’t the case … you only have to look at the mark on my chest,” she said. “Clearly I had my seatbelt on, so it’s impossible that I’d be leaning over sucking his dick unless he is hung like a donkey or I’ve got a fucking rubber neck.”
Can’t you just see the journalist, Rebekah Cavanagh leaning in intently asking questions and writing answers down? ‘So that was hung like…a…donkey and…fucking rubber neck. Ok, got it. Thanks!’
“If it was true I’d just cop it sweet and think ‘how embarrassing, I got caught sucking someone’s dick – but it is not true and that’s what is pisses me off.”
See, she’s not mad that she almost died in a car accident and has what looks like a bruise from a crowbar on her neck…she’s mad that someone thinks she was sucking dick when she wasn’t sucking dick for that one particular moment out of the day. It’s not right for people to just assume!
“It may have looked bad when police first arrived as my girls were hanging out all over the place. I also had a $5 note wedged between my boobs so they probably just assumed I was a sex worker or something and he’d already paid me. But $5 is a bit cheap for a head job.”
WTF!?!? Her tits were flopping all over the place and a $5 just happened to wedge itself in between her breasts? No, why would ANYONE think you were doing something like sucking dick? To make Australia even better,
Ms White, 34, said she had been at the Howard Springs Tavern celebrating a friend’s birthday when they decided to go back to a friend’s place in Humpty Doo.
City’s name is Humpty Doo…Australia, keep fucking that chicken.
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by Commodore on September 25, 2009
What the drugs told him
I guarantee this will be the craziest thing you read before the end of the year:
A high-on-drugs Dutch trucker en route to Gothenburg, Sweden, was masturbating while driving and lost control, flipping the truck and blocking multiple lanes of traffic. While in the wreckage, he kept masturbating. Under police interrogation, he kept masturbating.
When I jerk off, it takes me like 30 seconds to climax. I’m so efficient, I look like one of those kids who stack cups really fast and you can’t figure out how in the hell they did it so fast. I just know what I’m doing. We men are good at jerking ourselves off because we know what feels good and we don’t play with the tip of our penis because we already know that playing with the tip doesn’t feel good at all (listen up, ladies).
The man remained in the vehicle with his hands apparently still clasped around his own gear stick.
Two hands?? Calm down man! You’re masturbating, not playing tug of war with your pelvic bone. Now, I understand that this man was on drugs but unless he was on horse tranquilizers and he was jerking himself off with wood chips glued to his hand, he probably should have finished up before the police interrogation, give or take.
But speaking of this police interrogation, they let this dude continue rubbing one out in the interrogation room as if handcuffing him behind his back was not an option. Nice work Swedes. In America, you get tazered, billy clubbed, arm barred, and waterboarded if you pee in public.
Oh and ladies, we really are that horny all the time. Sorry.
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