by Commodore on May 12, 2010
Eff these guys
I was never bullied as a child. Call it luck, call it whatever you want. (I’ll call it “I was the coolest kid I knew”) And I didn’t really see too much of it going on around me, so when I read stories like this, I want to board that bus like Jack bauer on very little sleep and an assault rifle dangling over my shoulder.
Robert Coomber’s five-year-old son, Ryan, lost part of his left leg in a lawnmower accident two years ago. His left leg was amputated below the knee, and he wears a prosthetic limb. Ryan used to take the school bus from his home in Willow Bunch, Sask., to his junior kindergarten in Assiniboia, about 40 kilometres away. But bullying and taunting on the bus have made that ride, which takes about an hour on the bus, impossible. “A lot of kids beat me up. Lots of big kids,” Ryan said.
WTF. And this is in Saskatchewan, Canada. I thought our neighbors to the north were more socially civilized and less violent. Saskatchewan? More like Sasquatch-ewan! Ehh? EHHHH?
Kids on the bus have stolen Ryan’s backpack, Coomber said, and one student tried to pull off his prosthetic leg. Coomber spoke with the parents of the kids involved and thought the issue was resolved — until Ryan was punched by a 13-year-old on the bus on May 4, leaving him with a black eye. “He was punched in the eye by one of the biggest kids on the bus,” Ryan’s dad said.
The kid has one leg and he is FIVE! What kind of savages are on this bus? Is he on the bus that transported the prisoners in Con-Air?
“I asked for that child to be disciplined,” the father said. “I asked for him to be suspended from school [to] teach him a lesson because there’s a zero tolerance for bullying. “[But instead] we were told Ryan will no longer be on the bus, that it’s not safe for him or my daughter and that we have to drive them the round trip.”
Bravo, School District. You really nipped this one in the bud.
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by Commodore on March 26, 2010
A portrait of the headmaster
Say you were carrying around a “illogical meter”. It kind of works like a Geiger counter. Everytime you are close to logic, it doesn’t read anything. Everytime you abut yourself next to an illogical situation, it starts to show activity. If you carried an “illogical meter” into this state of affairs, it would have been rendered kaput from over activity.
A boy of five was left stranded in a tree at school because of a bizarre health and safety policy – which banned teachers from helping him down. The mischievous pupil climbed the 20ft tree at the end of morning break and refused to come down. But instead of helping him, staff followed guidelines and retreated inside the school building to ‘observe from a distance’ so the child would not get ‘distracted and fall’.
Beep….Beep….Beep..Beep.Beep. Oh we’re just getting warmed up, Mr. Illogical Meter. Hang on to your boots.
The boy was only rescued after 45 minutes in the tree when passer-by Kim Barrett, 38, noticed the child and helped him down herself. But instead of being thanked for her actions by the head teacher of the Manor School in Melksham, Wiltshire, she was reported to the police for trespassing.
BEEP-BEEP-BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP – Boing…Hissssssssssssss. Jesus! I’ve heard that headmasters in Nazi war camps were more sympathetic than this. This woman must have been a cross between Meryl Streep’s character in Doubt annnnnnnnd….The Predator. WTF.
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by Commodore on August 27, 2009
This masturbation stuff is mind blowing. I need a cig.
When you put those words together, you are bound to get some browtf-ness.
The United Nations is recommending that children as young as five receive mandatory sexual education that would teach even pre-kindergarteners about masturbation and topics like gender violence. Under the U.N.’s voluntary sex-ed regime, kids just 5-8 years old will be told that “touching and rubbing one’s genitals is called masturbation” and that private parts “can feel pleasurable when touched by oneself.”
Maybe if I knew that when I was 5, I could have avoided this conversation I had in the 7th grade.
8th Graders: Hey Commodore, are you a Master Baitor when you go fishing?
Me: Ummm, yeah. I’m pretty good.
8th Graders: So you’re a master baitor?
Me: I guess so.
8th Graders: Hahahahaha.
Me: (crying). Wait no. NO I’M NOT!!!
If I had 7 years of masturbation marination, I wouldn’t have felt so weird humping my bed when I was 12 and jizzing all over myself repeatedly. I could have told those 8th graders, “My masturbation prowess is already a fait accompli and I am on to sticking a finger in my own butt during orgasm, bitches.” Boo ya. And then I could have done the hand gesture for masturbating and “blew” it their faces and then sprinkled my hands down (as if indeed it were “raining” semen).
(But seriously, I don’t have regrets about my life that keep me up at night.)
At 12, they’ll learn the “reasons for” abortions — but they’ll already have known about their safety for three years. When they’re 15, they’ll be exposed to direct “advocacy to promote the right to and access to safe abortion.”
But in the U.S, they still won’t be able to have alcohol until they’re 21. So when they’re 12, how are you going to explain the old, “I was drunk and thought it would be ok to ejaculate inside a girl who wasn’t on the pill, because I was so tired of cumming all over myself all these years…and because I’m the man!” reason that a guy is sure to give at some point in his life?
I’m just saying…the program needs some tweeks.
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by Commodore on May 27, 2009
Children, being feral is not all fun and games
It’s not often that we stumble across a 5 year-old child that was raised by cats and dogs. And I’m also going out on a limb to hypothesize that it is rare for this same child to have been raised by cats and dogs…
despite sharing the three-room flat with her father, grandmother, grandfather and other relatives.
I’m sorry. You were breaking up. What was that?
I understand that you have to ignore your child when it whines too much but the 5 year “tune-out” tactic could be a bit on the lengthy side. Especially when your child:
refuses to eat with a spoon, insisting on lapping up her food straight from the plate and when carers leave the room, jumps at the door and barks.
Folks, that’s usually a good sign that it’s time to acknowledge the existence of your kid again. I guess Russia IS a bit tougher than we are. Evidently in Siberia, the rearing technique instilled by parents is, “Rear Yourself.”
And for some reason, people still think I’m crazy for suggesting that parents should have to fill out applications to reproduce. Ah, the 21st century. To hell in a hand basket we go.
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by Commodore on April 14, 2009
Whoa! Look at this crazy news story!!!
Wars. Pirates. Cuba. Dead porn stars. That’s news. A boy riding the subway and ending up perfectly fine 1 hour later, is not news, it’s the most common activity in NYC. If the boy jumped in front of a train and forced it to miraculously jump tracks and then launch onto the street like the one from the end of Speed, then yes, report it.
CBS 2 HD was there when the little boy was brought back to the Bronx.
Really? We really needed to bring the HD cams out for this one? I can’t get the Daily Show in HD. Not a Goddamn thing going on…in New York City?! Hey CBS News chopper team, I just took a mean shit. Why don’t you fire up the blades so you can get me wiping my ass?
After he took off Monday morning from a bodega at 225th & Broadway in the Bronx, he ran — mom said he’s fast — up the block and around the corner and kept running up the stairs.
Who is writing this article? This sounds like a running monologue from Benjamin Button’s mom…Momma said he was fast. No one ever really could catch little Sammy.
The police officers said they were surprised that apparently no one on the train, during that long trip, asked the boy if he was lost or where his family was.
That’s right bitches. It’s New York. Nobody gives a fuck about you…even if you’re 5.
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