Bro, WTF?!

RIP Browtf

admin — Fri, 08 Apr 2011 13:16:29 +0000

It's been fun

Folks,

As you might have guessed, the Browtf team has made its last post. The Commodore has poked, insulted and brought to light the inanities of the world as best he can but he has moved on to bigger and better things. I wanted to thank you for all of your loyal following throughout the years. It has been a ton of fun.

Might browtf reboot? Maybe. But not for a little while.

Now, I, Jeremiah Tweed will focus on helping all the single men out there be better at their craft. Follow me. Bring some friends. Enjoy yourselves. It’s a celebration. www.betteratsingle.com

Godspeed.

Jeremiah Tweed

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An Actual “Stabbing” Headache

Commodore — Fri, 18 Feb 2011 20:40:20 +0000

No biggie.

Some stories on here are stupid, some are funny, some are genius (usually due to my writing), and some flat out defy description. This one is the latter. It is so much the latter, it defies description.

Chinese man had knife blade stuck in his head for four years without knowing it, doctors say.

I bet that sentence had never been written in the history of mankind and I bet that it won’t ever be written again. What kind of a situation would lead to yo having a blade stuck in your head without knowing it?

Li Fuyan said a robber had stabbed him on the right side of his jaw. For years, Li had suffered from severe headaches and had trouble breathing, but didn’t know it was because a knife blade was stuck inside his head, reported The Associated Press.

Huh? Not one X-ray after being stabbed in the face? Jesus!

While shocking, Li’s case is far from unusual. In fact, one of Li’s countrymen once had to have a pair of scissors removed from his esophagus two years ago.

I’m with Karl Pilkington now. China is just weird.

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So Quit You’re Whining

Commodore — Thu, 17 Feb 2011 18:21:22 +0000

I bet I can.

I am a firm believer that state of mind is important in many things in life. If you think you suck, you probably suck. If you think you’re gonna get the girl, you more than likely might. We all know that the placebo effect works, but this new bit of news makes me want to finally tell the complainers in the world, “Quit yer bitchin.”

A patient’s belief that a drug will not work can become a self fulfilling prophecy, according to researchers. They showed the benefits of painkillers could be boosted or completely wiped out by manipulating expectations.

We all know the girl or guy who says, “Oh, nothing works for me. I always have headaches. You just don’t understand. My life is so difficult.” Oh yeah? Maybe it’s because you whine too much. Cheer up. Stop sucking.

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You Could Contract E-tardation Via Ronald Reagan

Commodore — Wed, 09 Feb 2011 04:14:52 +0000

There's dumb ideas, then there's...

Yes, that’s right. Some things are so dumb that when you hear or read it, you are convinced that the creators of those words, or that idea, are surely mentally handicapped. Kind of like this.

Last year, in his father’s memory, Reagan’s son Michael launched an email service to end the monopoly of left-wing Internet companies. His charge was simple: “Every time you use your e-mail from companies like Google, AOL, Yahoo, Hotmail, Apple and others, you are helping liberals,” Reagan wrote at the time. “These companies are, and will continue, to be huge supporters financially and with technology of those that are hurting our country.” For only a small $39.95 annual fee, conservatives around the country could purchase an @Reagan.com email address, and rest easy knowing their money was going only toward conservative causes.

What? That’s the stupidest argument I’ve ever heard. Why support companies that make superior technology and give it away for free when you can spend $40 a year on inferior technology and support people who don’t understand technology? Paying for email is about as prehistoric as the megalodon. It would be like someone charging you for 2 pieces of flint outside of a restaurant where you just picked up a book of matches for free, because he didn’t like how good the chef was.

Ronald Reagan’s dead. Get over it.

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Name That Hot Chick

Commodore — Mon, 07 Feb 2011 04:13:31 +0000

Previous hot chick: Emanuela De Paula

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Bye Bye Toliet Paper!

Commodore — Fri, 04 Feb 2011 16:35:37 +0000

Fun!

I want one. I want one so bad that I’m going to start writing them in my lease agreements. Men are really never going to get off the toilet now. Mainly because they are going to be masturbating while warm water shoots up their butt. It’s like a bidet you can shit in.

With the touch of a button, a nozzle extends from under the seat for soothing warm-water cleansing, virtually eliminating the need for toilet paper. The nozzle, which selfcleans before and after every use, can be set to move back-and-forth for maximum comfort and optimum cleansing. The specially designed contoured seat is also heated to provide maximum comfort.

Jesus! I got a boner just thinking about it. Is that bad? “Set to move back-and-forth for maximum comfort”? Yes, please. Saving paper AND tickling my butt? Where do I sign up?

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Male Breast Reduction Surgery Increases

Commodore — Tue, 01 Feb 2011 14:00:06 +0000

Yum!

Oh goodie. The one thing that is making men embarrassed of being fat, can now be removed through surgery, and apparently it’s the coolest thing since sliced bread.

The association said male breast reduction operations increased by 28% last year. The operation is now the second most popular cosmetic operation for men – the most popular remains nose alterations.

Second most popular! More than hair restoration and whatever the hell else men do to fix themselves up? Reverse moob jobs?

Rajiv Grover, consultant plastic surgeon and president elect at BAAPS, said that the increase in surgery was likely to be due to an increased awareness – and dislike – of ‘man boobs’.

What, they didn’t notice them before? How about you fatsos exercise? Or has there not been an increased awareness of the benefits of exercise? Someone should publish a study on that.

Heeeeeeere comet comet comet!

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Farting Is Now Outlawed

Commodore — Sun, 30 Jan 2011 01:48:26 +0000

Guilty!

I can’t think of more ludicrous laws than this. Why not outlaw sweating too?

The government of Malawi plan to punish persistent offenders ‘who foul the air’ in a bid to ‘mould responsible and disciplined citizens.’

For those of you not in the geographic-know, Malawi is indeed a real country and this article is not from the newspaper flash out of a board game or something.

But locals fear that pinning responsibility on the crime will be difficult – and may lead to miscarriages of justice as ‘criminals’ attempt to blame others for their offense.

I would love to eat a bowl of beans and then crop dust the hell out of a bar or restaurant down there. It would be the equivalent to releasing a real grenade in a restaurant anywhere else in the world, because releasing this stink bomb will get you arrested.

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Man Jailed For Store Pooping

Commodore — Thu, 27 Jan 2011 14:12:27 +0000

Let's be glad the guy wasn't a rhino

This is just your typical, man-shits-on-floor-and-is-arrested story. You can move along. Nothing to see here.

The incident took place when the 45-year-old man was visiting a shop in the town of Finspång. When nature called, the man asked a store employee if he could use the toilet, the local Norrköpings-Tidning newspaper reported. But the store employee explained that health regulations prohibited customers from using the store toilet, news which prompted the man to take drastic measures. “He pulled down his pants, squatted on the floor and pooped,” the 21-year-old female cashier said in court during the 45-year-old’s trial, according to the newspaper. The cashier explained further that the man proceeded to insult her while he relieved himself on the floor of the store. After he’d finished his business, the 45-year-old left the store, snatching some candy on the way, and leaving behind a pile of excrement and his dirty undies, according to the cashier.

That whole scene is hysterical. Picturing the guy swearing at the girl while shit is coming out of his ass is classic. I wonder if his insults took a break when he got to the rea——-lly difficult part of his shit.

Dropping a deuce and stealing some candy? Now that’s gangster. Had he wiped his ass with a t-shirt from the store, that would have taken the cake.

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There Goes Texas, Losing Its Mind Again

Commodore — Tue, 25 Jan 2011 22:25:44 +0000

Hurry up, already

Dear Texas, secede already.

Texas Could Require Abortion Seekers To Get Sonogram. Calling it an emergency item, the Texas Legislature will consider a bill that would require women seeking abortions to undergo a sonogram.

Oh brother. I’m sure this argument is solely based on the separation of church and state.

In addition to the sonogram, the bill would require women to hear a doctor explain the physical characteristics of the fetus as well as listen to audio of the heartbeat.

Nice, Texas. Way to be subtle about it.

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