hi
From the monthly archives:
November 2009
![[del.icio.us]](http://www.browtf.com/wp-content/plugins/bookmarkify/delicious.png)
![[Digg]](http://www.browtf.com/wp-content/plugins/bookmarkify/digg.png)
![[Facebook]](http://www.browtf.com/wp-content/plugins/bookmarkify/facebook.png)
![[Reddit]](http://www.browtf.com/wp-content/plugins/bookmarkify/reddit.png)
![[StumbleUpon]](http://www.browtf.com/wp-content/plugins/bookmarkify/stumbleupon.png)
![[Technorati]](http://www.browtf.com/wp-content/plugins/bookmarkify/technorati.png)
![[Twitter]](http://www.browtf.com/wp-content/plugins/bookmarkify/twitter.png)
Even though you might die
To all those souls that fought, killed, and died for a better life throughout human history, this story would make them feel all warm and fuzzy inside as they learned that who they were fighting for would turn to be the biggest bunch of pansies this side of a pillow fight party in the Castro.
After two years and £250,000, the British Health and Safety report found that ten-pin bowling alleys up and down the country could be a ‘very dangerous’ environment for families.
That’s the sound of someone in Chechnya chuckling. What the hell has happened to us? 2 years? Bowling is now “very dangerous”? What category would playing darts be in? Warlike situation?
They concluded that it was too easy for children or teenagers to run down lanes and get trapped in machinery that sets up the pins – even though there was no record of any such accident having happened.
What kind of a conclusion is that?! Who are these theoretical moronic teenagers? Just because it is dangerous to run down the middle of a highway doesn’t mean that we should abolish motorized transportation and the national interstate system. WTF.
The bizarre Health and Safety Executive report found that members of the public would be at risk if they walked along the 60-foot lanes to knock over pins by hand.
250,000 British pounds, folks. I’m not making this up. What’s next? A million dollar study that says that members of the public shouldn’t be allowed to shower because tubs can get slippery? In fact, why not just conduct a study that says, “Reproducing is risky to the general public since that child might one day hurt himself doing something or another.”
We humans sure are a pathetic bunch, sometimes.
No Comments
Cut the shit, buddy
Witch doctors. The only introduction the western world had to them was the character “Latrine” in Robin Hood: Men in Tights? They seemed pretty funny and comical. Well I just learned that Men in Tights was in fact, not a documentary and that witch doctors very well do exist and they do a lot more than stab voodoo dolls.
As many as 10,000 albinos are in hiding in east Africa over fears that they will be dismembered and their body parts sold to witchdoctors, the Red Cross said in a recent report.
I was having a rough day because I am severely hung over and my fantasy team sucks. I now realize that my experience today is all relative.
Body parts of albinos are sought in some regions of Africa because they are believed to bring wealth and good luck. Attackers chop off limbs and pluck out organs to sell to dealers, who in turn sell them to witchdoctors.
Can we get East Africa the upgrade patch to civility and logic? I think they are still running off the 12th Century – Commodore 64 platform. We just need to upgrade them immediately, on the fly, like how they did it in the Matrix, because this is ridiculous.
No Comments
A $1 Million Bill! Proof!
It used to be that if you saw Jesus’ face on tree bark or a muffin or whatever, you’d have to show the world a picture before 17 news vans and thousands of people would come flock to you. Apparently, these days you can just state that you saw the bearded one on something and it’s good enough to be on the news.
A Massachusetts woman who recently separated from her husband and had her hours cut at work says an image of Jesus Christ she sees on her iron has reassured her that “life is going to be good.”
The 1.2 billion real people around the world who live on less than a $1 a day would also like to let her know that her life is still quite good, indeed.
The 44-year-old Mary Jo Coady was raised Catholic. She and her two college-age daughters agree that the image looks like Jesus and is proof that “he’s listening.”
Proof. What an interesting word. Thank goodness the 2 college-age daughters were there to add validity to the truthful hypothesis. Religious fanatics have no problem using the word proof when dirty residue resembles the image of someone they’ve never seen. But God forbid you provide them with a surplus of actual scientific information proving to them the age of the earth or the fact of evolution, and suddenly that kind of “proof” holds no water.
How this idiotic happening in Massachusetts was reported in a San Francisco paper is staggering and embarrassing on all accounts. I should call them up and tell them that I don’t remember my dreams from last night and it’s a sign that Jesus is not listening.
No Comments
Yummmmy!
In honor of a day where we eat heaps and heaps of food to commemorate another good autumn harvest (not just the caloric intake we would need to slaughter heaps and heaps of Indians), I would be remiss if I didn’t mention what our good friends at Burger King were doing to help this country in our post-Thanksgiving food coma tomorrow.
Burger King has just unleashed a new monster burger, criticised as “a heart attack on a plate”. The new four-meat pattie, five-layered cheese burger dubbed the “Quad Stacker” is being slammed by New Zealand dieticians, due to its phenomenal fat content. The Burger King creation contains 1000 calories and 68 grams of fat.
I don’t think you need to be a dietician to realize that 1,000 calories seems like a bit much for one sando. If you didn’t realize that, you’re probably that girl on the bench on top of this article.
So, thanks Burger King. Thanks for the continual assistance you dole out by providing us with what the original Thanksgivers might call, “Harvest on a Plate”. Thanks for keeping us as fat and physically pathetic as humanly possible.
Gobble Gobble!
- BROWTF
No CommentsI just can’t seem to figure it out. Maybe I bought shade cells instead, by accident.
This 1,000,000 year energy payback is sweet!
Modern day Iran
It’s easy to forget that we live in the land of good and plenty because…well, because we live in the land of good and plenty. But there are places in this world where people get stoned to death for being swingers. I’m not talking about a story that happened during Assyrian rule, I’m talking about 2009.
Iran’s moral police have arrested a dozen couples for engaging in illicit sexual acts, including swapping partners, the conservative Jomhuri Eslami reported on Monday.
Iran’s moral police. Aren’t those words, in fact, an oxymoron?
The couples were said to have carried out sexual acts in the presence of each other and several times with multiple partners, the report added.
God forbid someone gets a little ass in Iran. I think it would do the population good to loosen up, don’t we think? I realize that I would not pass a written “Strict Shia Law” test, but come on, this was consensual sex!
Those arrested held university degrees, while some were government employees and had children.
Yes, that’s right, the smart and educated know how much fun sex is! The article makes it sound like these people were carving up babies and selling the body parts for giraffe hides. WTF.
Extra-marital sex is illegal in Iran where Islamic sharia law is the principal source of legislation. If found guilty of adultery, those arrested in the crackdown face being stoned to death.
STONED. TO. DEATH. Yay for religion!
No Comments
Look, I’m all for having voices in your head and shit. I hear voices all the time. Fortunately for me they tell me to do things like “look at that 18-year-old’s virgin tits.” Or “definitely lie on your taxes this year.”
What they don’t tell me to do is “drive my car through the front of that building.” “Fuck that building right!?!”
“James Kromer attempted to bust through what he thought was the FBI building in Minneapolis Thursday because he believed a computer inside was controlling his mind. Unfortunately he targeted the wrong building and there is most likely no FBI device reading his mind.”
Bro, you gotta calm down. I know life gets tough in Minnesota; you guys don’t see sunlight for like 6 months a year, eat polar bear and build bon fires in your living rooms to keep warm. But treating the front of Public Health building like a drive through simply isn’t the answer. Now, to be clear, had you been in LA and had that been Lindsay Lohan’s house, free pass buddy.
“Sgt. Jesse Garcia told KSTP: ‘I think there might be some other mental health issues that come into play, but apparently he thought some computers were affecting his mind and was going to drive his truck into the building to destroy them.”
Seriously? DAMN. Check out the look on the guy’s face at the 1:05 mark! I think that’s called throwing in the towel.
WTF!
No Comments
I'll probably be assassinated for putting this phto up
I used to think that McDonald’s employees would rather sit and watch their restaurant burn instead of spilling a cup of water on the smoldering napkins that started the blaze. Who knew that their dedication to the house rules would be so fanatical while their ability to use their brains would be so absent?
A decorated disabled Iraqi War veteran is slapping McDonald’s with a $10 million lawsuit — claiming he was pummeled by employees at a Brooklyn franchise when he tried to bring his service dog into the restaurant.
Pummeled by employees? Maybe the employees were alergic to fleas?
Retired Army Capt. Luis Montalvan, 36, who suffers from post-traumatic stress disorder and traumatic brain injury, uses his golden retriever to keep him calm. In December, the ex-soldier who walks with a cane, went to the fast-food restaurant with his dog, and the workers allegedly began berating him.
Yeah, you decorated war veteran who has innumerable mental injuries from fighting in a war! This is a McDonald’s, not ‘Nam. There are rules! You can’t just go bringing your pets in here at will!
An angered Montalvan, who earned two Bronze Stars, wrote a complaint letter to the corporation, resulting in stickers being placed on the restaurant’s doors stating service dogs were allowed.
Oh ok. Problem solved! Good job Micky D’s!
But when he went back a month later, he was tossed out.
Oh, well there must be some mistake. I’m sure they were tossing out someone el-
Finally, on Jan. 30, he returned one last time to take photos of the sticker when two men wearing McDonald’s uniforms approached him carrying plastic garbage can lids, he claims. The men allegedly beat him for two minutes.
WTF. I’ve seen fly larvae amassing on the tub of French Fries in a McDonald’s without the workers giving so much as “a shit”. But let a decorated vet bring a service dog into their store, and goddamnit, they defend the castle gates? The only way this would be acceptable is if the McDonald’s workers were actually agents in the Matrix and Montalvan was Neo (before he got that super sweet Karate training from Morpheus, of course), and Neo’s drooling, coughing, lunging, open sored dog was actually a starving Hyena, named H1N1.
No Comments
