by Commodore on December 31, 2008
Let me check my CNN depression manual to figure out if this guy is feeling peechy.
First of all, what the fuck is “the Frisky” and why is it on
CNN? Second of all, have women, as a species, lost ability to think and reason for themselves? WTF! Do women really need a list that says, “But if showers, shaving, and bothering to find the shirt without the hot sauce stain have become a thing of the past, this could be a sign that his internal world isn’t looking so good either” to tell her that her man isn’t clicking on all cylinders? Have they lost cognitave abilites that I was unaware of?
Hey ladies, he’s drinking more, smoking more, eating like a pig, up all night, verbally berating strangers, driving like a madman, not wanting to fuck you, dressing like a bum, contemplating his existence, and altogether losing a zest for life because you nag the shit out of him and keep telling him that you read online about 8 reasons why he might be depressed. It’s none of those. He actually doesn’t like you anymore but has no idea how to get out.
Put that in your pipe and smoke it. Happy New Year!
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by Commodore on December 30, 2008
In regards to CNN’s earth shifting report on the ten healthiest diets, I thought I would make my own Top 10. It’s a little simpler.
1) Stop eating so much, you fat bastard and go do something.
2) Stop eating so much, you fat bastard and go do something.
3) Stop eating so much, you fat bastard and go do something.
4) Stop eating so much, you fat bastard and go do something.
5) Stop eating so much, you fat bastard and go do something.
6) Stop eating so much, you fat bastard and go do something.
7) Stop eating so much, you fat bastard and go do something.
Stop eating so much, you fat bastard and go do something.
9) Stop eating so much, you fat bastard and go do something.
10) Stop eating so much, you fat bastard and go do something.
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by Commodore on December 30, 2008
It’s not every day that you hear of someone being thrown out of a soccer game only to come back onto the field wielding a running
FUCKING CHAINSAW trying to chop someone’s arms off! Where the hell did he get a chainsaw???? Was this game being played right next to the Great Outdoors Games? Holy fuck!
“The victim’s friend ran off, leaving him cornered by the defendant.” Um, heck yes! Friend. Teammate. Brother. Whatever dude! There is a man running at us with a chansaw! RUN!
Good thing this guy Lloyd admitted to slicing a guy’s chest with a chainsaw since he in fact, sliced a guy’s chest with a chainsaw in front of apparently 20 other people on a soccer field.
I love the judge’s analysis, “You had been drinking, you were unpleasant, you went away and then for some reason you brought back a chainsaw which was running…Your offending behaviour is very closely tied up with the extent to which you will carry on taking drugs and drinking.”
(Drinking + Being Unpleasant + Walking Away) multiplied by “x” = Returning with a running chainsaw trying to chop someones hands off.
I wonder what the variable “x” is here. And wait a second…his offending behavior (that being swiping a running chainsaw at someone) is tied to alcohol and drugs??? I’ve taken both alcohol and drugs and I by no means tie that into running around like Jason from Friday the 13th trying to lop someone’s limbs off. The guy wasn’t tripping on a LSD/heroin/crystal meth concoction…he was drunk! This guy is fucking nuts. Period! “x” = crazy
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by Commodore on December 30, 2008
Sometimes I wish we could bomb our own country. How about instead of wasting all this time and money fucking around with the lizards in the Middle East, we line up every middle aged man living between Colorado and Pennsylvania, and drop a bomb on them. I mean seriously guys, what the fuck is THIS all about?
Robert Aragon’s daughter died of hypothermia after he made her walk 11 miles in the snow on Christmas day. How’s that for a Christmas present: “Listen here you little hussy, get up out this truck and walk the rest of the 11 miles to your mother JoLeta’s house.” And I’m not even kidding about the mom’s name….JoLeta.
Fuck you twice dude. First for killing your own daughter, then for naming her Sage and your son Bear. And probably once more for marrying somebody named JoLeta. You suck in every way possible and I hope your cell-mates rape you with bed posts for next 30 years.
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by Commodore on December 30, 2008
The Romeo Crennel era in Cleveland is over, or maybe not. Maybe the era will extend a little bit because get this, Romeo wants to hang out for a few more years.
Hey dickhead, you got fired. You don’t get to just kick it on the sidelines now because you used to coach. Remember when your team didn’t score a touchdown for 6 games? Yep, that was you on the sidelines, standing there looking like a giant raisin.
At least he had the where-with-all to recognize that “for this organization to move forward, they need key people on the same page, going in the same direction.” Nailed it! Get the fuck out Romeo! You’re not key, you’re not on the page, you’re not even a goddamn consideration at this point.
Boom.
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by Commodore on December 29, 2008
Edith Sherman thinks she’s awesome because she lives in a studio above Carnegie Hall. Edith is pissed off now because the
owners want to renovate. Edith should shut her fat face up.
Here’s the thing, if I ever met Edith and she was wearing the heinous outfit she has on in that picture, I would tell her to get the fuck out too. In fact, I’d probably kick her in the stomach. Edith is 96 and apparently so are her clothes.
Move bitch, get out the way. You look like a lampshade and unfortunately I’m so materialistic, I think you’re gross. So fuck you Edith, get a new home.
Boom.
by Commodore on December 29, 2008
There’s some speculation out there right now that President Elect Obama might inherit a crisis in Gaza. I think it’s necessary to shed some light on this subject. Here goes. No Shit.
No Shit Obama is going to inherit a crisis, just like every other president in the United States has inherited a crisis in Israel. Unfortunately, nothing will be done about it, we don’t fuck with Jews.
While Israel sits around pumping missle after missle into villages of Palestinians, we’ll sit on our hands talking about oil and God and obesity and shit heads who shoot people in movie theatres.
God Bless America, only America bitches.
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by Commodore on December 29, 2008
Holy Shit dude! This could possibly be the
scariest thing ever! If you saw this in a Hollywood movie, you wouldn’t believe it for a second. The polar bear was close enough to swipe and inflict 100 wounds on the man, (now surely transferring out of Barrow, Alaska) but not close enough to take him down. Do you know the margin of millimeters between being injured by a polar bear and not being tackled by one?! I’m guessing it’s half a millimeter.
Question: WHO THE FUCK was the asshole taking pictures and NOT helping this guy in someway?
Man being chased by bear: CALL…FOR…HELP..BRO!!
Man with camera: One sec dude. I’m getting some great shots. You should see your face!…Bring him around the back side of the car again. He literally gains on you each time and I think I can get both of you in the frame.
Notice that the man entered a “neighboring” truck that was “unlocked”. How could he be so sure that it was unlocked? I bet the son of a bitch with the camera told him it was, having no idea if it was or not. What a prick! Instead of offering shelter in his own truck, the cameraman lets this guy run to a neighboring truck. How that guy got the door opened and closed before Mr. Bear ripped his arm off is beyond me. Kudos to you sir for surviving that, but what the fuck are you doing estimating in Barrow, Alaska? There is plenty of earth south of that without hungry polar bears.
And you with the camera, you’re a cold blooded son of a bitch…but great shots though! Thanks!!!
by Commodore on December 28, 2008
Reeeeeelax bro! You know you’re having a bad day when your reaction to people talking in the movie theater is to shoot them! James Cialella is clearly not to be fucked with (look at that dude’s photo!) and his man-love for Brad Pitt is not to be interrupted.
Granted, there are times in life that I want to shoot people who are talking during the movie but when the thought comes to my head, there is not much I can do about it because I do not bring guns to a movie theater, it’s usually not necessary. But Mr. Cialella had the same thought that all of us so often have and then realized that he had a “Kel-Tec .380-caliber handgun clipped inside his sweatpants” and thought that it was time to keep it real.
But if James here was going to shoot the father anyway, did he ALSO have to throw popcorn at the kid? I mean, watching your father get shot right before your eyes in a movie theater is awful enough, let alone having buttery popcorn thrown in your face right before that.
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by Commodore on December 24, 2008
No one wants to eat you. It is interesting to note that the white man is not appetizing whatsoever. Our disgusting diets play to our advantage here as all the fast food intake has left us as about appealing as charred wood. Pungent and salty. Nice.
Take that you healthy, fit Japanese! If we ever found ourselves in the most remote place on earth for a reason unbeknownst to me, your ass is grass!
I am guessing that photographer Iago Corazza was white and a tub of lard. In fact, it is the easiest bet I ever made. And who the hell is wondering if cannibalism still exists?! Yes, it was banned 50 years ago but when the whole tribe tells you what flesh tastes best, it means that they still feast on it. Oh and the fact that they are dying of an illness that one gets from eating human flesh, should tip you off too.
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