Nope, Not News

Hey, squirl cheeks, nobody cares about you.

This kinda shit makes me angry that I actually open up CNN.com every morning. I should just go back to reading the back-country times while my dog licks the peanut butter off my balls. Oprah’s magazine cover? Really? I don’t fucking care.

It’s bad enough that this attention-seeking, self righteous African gerbal actually has a magazine, let alone a nationally syndacated show. I absolutely don’t need to read about her on the front page ever. Unless of course she all of a sudden has a sex tape, then fill me the fuck in and put me on the list.

Go back to your palace you fat ho, and don’t bring Michelle down with you. See that belt she’s wearing? That’s actually in the double digits, so don’t go and influence her the wrong way. You hear me?