How Does Mel Kiper Jr. Have A Job?

SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSausages!!!

Seriously, who in the fuck is Mel Kiper Jr. and why can’t I go 3 waking minutes without hearing his fat face spit out sounds that resemble a man screaming for his life with 5 kielbasas jammed in his mouth? He gets paid by ESPN to guess who will get picked when in the NFL draft. Huh? That’s it?

That has about as much credibility as Ray Charles reading the stars on a cloudy night.

Mel, get a real job where you add something to society instead of guessing where plinko pieces will fall once a year. ESPN, stop putting this ass on TV, but if you can’t do that, tell Mel to get Matthew Stafford’s cock out of his mouth so I can at least understand his gibberish.