Obviously You Dumb Fucks

this stuff kills.

News Flash: Eating boatloads of Red Meat leads to death. NO FUCKING SHIT.

How does Yahoo get away with posting an article this obvious? It’s like saying: Tomorrow the sun will rise, or: Brad Pitt has a beautiful penis. It goes without saying and the last thing I need is Yahoo spelling it out likes it’s god-damn Breaking News!

“The federal study of more than half a million men and women bolsters prior evidence of the health risks of diets laden with red meat like hamburger and processed meats like hot dogs, bacon and cold cuts.” Are you kidding me? Did we really need a new study to ”bolster” that fact? Look at what you just wrote lady, hot dogs, bacon, and cold cuts! Hot Dogs! Bacon! Cold Cuts! THIS ISN’T NEWS TO ANYBODY WITH HALF A BRAIN!!

“Over 10 years, eating the equivalent of a quarter-pound hamburger daily gave men in the study a 22 percent higher risk of dying of cancer and a 27 percent higher risk of dying of heart disease.” Dude, that’s a burger EVERY SINGLE DAY! Obviously you’re gonna die young, you eat like shit!

Wake me when we’re ready to talk about something newsworthy, like Obama shitting on special needs children or something.