The Curious Case of Audra Turner

“I don’t miss a game. If I was in school and I had a paper, it would have to wait. Work, I always request it off. I can’t miss a Steeler game. I can’t miss a game.”

Hmmm. You work on gameday, which is typically Sunday. Now you might be a freelancer but the fact that you have to “request” off tells me that waiting on that school paper might not have been the best thing for your career.

Turner told Edwards she is willing to offer her forehead, arms and car as a billboard as she travels to Tampa, while she is at the game, and on her trip home. “It’s like a free commercial for them because Super Bowl commercials are sky high, and you have to pay a lot of money to have a commercial on air so why not put it on my body?” Turner said.

Wow! You’ll offer up your forehead and arms for a whole weekend??? You’re so dedicated! I bet you’re the only person willing to get a henna tattoo to get to go to the biggest football game in the world! I can’t believe companies aren’t jumping at the chance to advertise on the face of some no name moron who will then remove said advertisement 2 days later.

Why pay a lot of money to have the commercial on air? Well Audra, you see…you pay a lot because 100 million people are going to see your ad. About 300 people are going to see your busted ass car and smeared indecipherable writing traveling the length of your arm. That’s why companies don’t want to use you.

“This would mean the world to me. I would be speechless, it would make my world, it would make my life my month, my day, the rest of my life.”

Good Lord. Audra, you need to reassess your life goals. You want to impress people? Offer to get a limb hacked off for a ticket to the game. I bet you’d get more takers.

And fuck you, Channel 4 Action news for posting this story about an idiot that wants to go to the Super Bowl.